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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it healthy?

4 replies

PoliteEagle · 11/06/2025 18:59

I've been seeing a guy for several months, but I am a bit concerned by some of his behavioral patterns. Sometimes it feels like he is trying to punish me. For example when I am taking a bit longer to answer his text (like 5-6 hours) just because I want some alone/quiet time as I am in a very extroverted job but an introvert by nature so need my time alone to recharge. I get exhausted by talking to people all the time. He then can leave me on read for the whole day and then reply to my messages in a dismissive manner, so I clearly see he is unhappy as it is very different to how he normally communicates. It is all small things like that, but it feels uncomfortable. He says he is also an introvert by the way so I thought he may understand.
One of my friends telling me that I am being rude by not replying within 1-2 hours especially in the evening and I should up my game, obviously he is hurt if I reply briefly or with a delay. Other friend saying though that is is a narcissistic behavior and I should be careful.
When I ask him if he has been busy (leaving me on read for a day) etc, he replies no, all good.

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 11/06/2025 19:06

Have you explained to him that responding to texts is too overwhelming after a busy day and you need a long time to recharge?

PoliteEagle · 11/06/2025 19:11

MiloMinderbinder925 · 11/06/2025 19:06

Have you explained to him that responding to texts is too overwhelming after a busy day and you need a long time to recharge?

Yes I told him in the beginning, that my work is all about communication and I need time to have rest from it especially as I am an introvert, so I can get overloaded. He said he is an introvert as well, though often needs to present himself as an extrovert especially at work.

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 11/06/2025 19:14

PoliteEagle · 11/06/2025 19:11

Yes I told him in the beginning, that my work is all about communication and I need time to have rest from it especially as I am an introvert, so I can get overloaded. He said he is an introvert as well, though often needs to present himself as an extrovert especially at work.

The best thing to do is have a conversation and say what you've said here. Explain again about how you need time to decompress and feel as though he's punishing you. See how he reacts as it will be very telling.

Bittenonce · 11/06/2025 19:23

It can take a little while to work out when’s good times and bad times to call or message someone. After a few months you should know each other well enough? Sometimes a simple message ‘you good to talk now?’ ‘Give me an hour or so’ or whatever is all it needs? It shouldn’t feel this hard work

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