Please Help - Emotional Limbo

[Stuckonhim]

Recently, I've split up with my partner. We were together for four years.

Smooth sailing, most of the time. We were very happy (I thought).

Took me ring shopping at the end of last year, I just assumed it was coming soon.

Completely out of the blue two weeks ago he told me that he wanted to end things as he's been unsure for quite some time. He said he was not sure if he would regret the decision of breaking up but he thinks that's what he wanted.

I then moved out of his house. I have my own house, so I was ok that way.

He text after around 8 days and asked how I was? I told him that I was deeply heartbroken and not to contact me again unless he was coming back to apologise and fix everything and he was sure about it. He never replied to this message, and I haven't heard from him since.

However, both being in our 30s please help me rationalise this - he hasn't changed his Whatsapp picture and his Facebook is still in a relationship with me, and everything about us is just normal. Why is this? This is a man who never has his phone out of his hand.

Is he leaving the door open as he doesn't want to finalise everything? What would you think if this was you?

I know on the grand scheme of things, it's not important. But it is to me.

Please, no hate. I am driving myself crazy enough as it is.

Sorry to write this but my very first thought is that he has met someone else and is feeling conflicted.

You are young. Take your time to heal. There is plenty to look forward to, I promise you.

He’s had his head turned, he doesn’t want to change his relationship status online as there will be too many questions and if it fails you’re the fallback woman.

I don't think there's anyone else, otherwise he would have changed his Whatsapp picture and Facebook.

Its just not really good enough regardless of his pictures. I used to really read into stuff like that and it doesnt really mean anything to 99% of men. I would remember more that he watched you pack up and move out rather than what his picture is. You deserve more.

People are always so quick to say there must be someone else involved. Sometimes folks just lose feelings after a while or realise for whatever reason a certain relationship is not for them. I think with men they feel like this for a good while before they actually act on it. Doesn’t mean there is anyone else. Sending you hugs it’s tough when it comes out the blue x

Not necessarily.

You could drive yourself nuts wondering about the why's and the what if's but the fact is that he has ended the relationship and you have to let go.

Try to turn your focus away from him and in a different direction. Make plans with friends, plan a hike, take up a new hobby. This will take effort, of course, but it works.

it didn’t sound like he was 100% sure, hence he has reached out and also not responded as he is probably still thinking about it. I personally wouldn’t be sitting there waiting for him to change his mind, or not. I know that’s hard, as you love him and thought your future was with him, but don’t let him keep you hanging. Change any pictures you may have and make it clear you’re single.

I think you need to look after you. Try not to analyse everything he does, consider blocking him on sm so you don’t drive yourself bonkers.

Start to do things for you, reconnect with friends, do things you want to do.

TBH I’m not sure I’d want to go back after this. There are plenty of ways to deal with feeling unsure of your relationship and still work through it with your partner other than basically dumping them.

Im also thinking he’s trying his luck with someone who’s turned his head, but maybe keeping his options open with you incase it doesn’t work out

Been in this limbo myself some years ago.

Also another one thinking cherchez la femme.

Social media pictures still being up and status of still being in a relationship is only meant to confuse you, here is why I think that.

He texted you because he still wants to know if you are available. You replying to him with your needs and boundaries means he has now ghosted you without so much as acknowledgement. Simply took the steps of "OK I will sod off for now, but I will probably be back later to see if you have changed your mind, and maybe we can be friends, say every couple of weeks or so.

Believe me even if you got back together this behavior of his will always be at the back of your mind, you will never feel secure the way you did before.
The best thing you can do is if he does get back in touch which I know for sure he will, what will your reaction be? because any acknowledgment from you towards breadcrumbs from him, will mean he still has this hold on you. So dont feed that. Live your best life without him. It hurts now but in the long run you will see him for what he did there, rather than the 4 years you spent together.

He is either involved with someone else or wants to play the field. I would be very wary of letting him back if/when he contacts you again as you will find it hard to trust him ever again.

In real life it’s over, I’m afraid.

Stop reading things into his profile pic or bio status; they’re utterly meaningless. I understand why you’re grabbing on to them but they don’t mean a thing.

I’m really sorry.

I would say he’s met someone and that person is aware that he was with you and had to break up with you.
that will explain why he’s kept all SM normal as they are being sensitive about you to not just go and change everything in one go so you cotton on to what’s happened.

men don’t generally dump a woman if there isn’t already one there to turn to.

sorry to be brutal.

now though it’s time for YOU to move on. Get yourself out there and find someone.

plus when he finds out you’re living life it will annoy him.

Get yourself out there and put him behind you. Doesn’t matter what he puts up on his social media, you need to take control and block him on everything.
Hes hedging his bets. He’s immature & messing with your head. Climb higher, glow up, enjoy the view. Hes history. Start your healing ftom
his nonsense. Believe me, I’ve got the cap and T-shirt.

It depends on how you feel about it. I wouldn’t read to much into the social media pictures.

my DP ended it with me a year ago. It wasn’t a shock at all as we were both unhappy. However still hurt as communication would have helped. But he told me he stopped loving me a few months before.

I lived my best life as I think I was relieved and he apparently was upset and had realised a few weeks later made a mistake. He dropped my stuff off and couldn’t look at me in the eyes.

he texted weekly then suddenly told me he missed me. We did get back together, and a year later all is find. But I struggle with believing him that he loves me and trusting his feelings and isn’t pretending. It’s my decision if I can get over that and trust his words. Nothing to suggest he is lying. But I do think this may kill the relationship.

I was surprised with this feeling. So be aware of resentment.

Thank you everyone.

I am an emotional wreck right now, but I know I'll be ok.

I suppose some part of me is hanging on to hope that we will find our way back to one another. I always thought he was my soulmate.

Listen to this song

Then go out and live your best life. Whatever the reason is, you deserve better.

Why would he change everything immediately, it’s only been little over a week when you were together for 4 years. That’s a huge change and adjustment. I wouldn’t keep checking.

If I was with someone for that length of time and they changed everything the day after we broke up not only would I think it’s quite weird but I would find it hurtful…

I would suspect that he's just forgotten all about Facebook etc. If he's got loads of other apps he probably hasn't bothered to update all the older ones. My Facebook profile pic is a slogan that was going around eighteen months ago and I just can't be bothered to find a better picture.

Get out and keep busy is my only advice. Say yes to any invitation you receive and put yourself out there. It will keep your mind occupied by something that isn't him.

You told him to come back when he ready to apologise and make it right.

So now he knows he's still got a foot in the door and he'll come and collect you when he's finished shagging whoever he's shagging atm.

You have to ask yourself if you're willing to wait for him or block his daft arse and tell him to piss off when he comes crawling back.

He did the right thing breaking it off if he wasn’t wanting to get married anymore.

i suspect he fancies someone else even if he hasn’t cheated.

I don't really care about marriage as such. It was all driven by him. He took me in and showed me a ring that he had picked and asked my thoughts.

He definitely hasn't met anyone else, and I also don't think it's a case of forgotten to change. He never has his phone out of his hand.

I still have my house key and some of my things are there. He said he would leave them over last Tuesday but he didn't. Which makes me believe that he really isn't sure himself.

I am in emotional limbo, but I am not chasing. Every part of me hurts. I have a feeling in my gut that it isn't really over. However, another part of me thinks 'if he wanted to contact me, or be with me, he would.'

Thank you for all of your replies. I do really appreciate it.