I'm a bit surprised

[MilkMonitor]

My DCs have got temperatures of 38-38.5 degrees. They're ok but feverish. I've got my mum here but I don't really want the kids to wake up, upset and ill with no parent about.

I have to go out to my evening class tonight. It's the last one. It would be better if I were there really seeing as I've been to all the other classes.

DH is due to go to the theatre - his secretary is in an am dram performance in the Home Counties. He's going with his colleague. They work in London. To be fair, this has been planned for a month or so.

I asked DH to consider coming home so I could go to the evening class. He said we should make the decision together. His position would be letting his secretary and his colleague down at short notice and he would feel guilty. But he would always put me and the children first so if I said come home, he would come home.

I felt this was not really putting me and the children first because if he came home, I would feel bad about his secretary and his colleague.

I'm staying home. Am I being ridiculous to feel that he's wriggled out of coming home by saying he'd let down other people? So my plans for the evening are now gone?

Er, his jolly night out vs your evening class?

Hmmm....what's the class? And can't his colleague get there alone?

If your mum was due to babysit then let her, presumably she can call you back if one gets upset and you won't be out for too long anyway.

His colleague is a woman so he'd feel bad about leaving her to get the train etc by herself, he says.

My evening class is teacher training.

Teacher training? Bugger him, that's your career development. If you were going to say yoga, I might've had a different answer.

He's laid the emotional blackmail on you there. I'm a woman and I can get from A to B without a male escort because this is no longer the eighteenth century.

'make the decision together' my arse. And it's a big arse too.

Go, leave the kids dosed up and with your Mum, leave your mobile on and if your Mum needs you, she will call.

She is their grandparent, presumably they know her and she is responsible?

But I do agree Teacher Training tops AmDram in the Home Counties.

Oh yes, my mum is fine and they are very familiar with her. But you know what it's like when you're ill - you just want your mum or dad, don't you and I wanted to minimise anymore upsetment.

I'll go to my class and watch the 'phone.

I'm just thinking that DH's response was not putting his DCs first necessarily. It was putting him and his convenience first by making sure I would feel guilty by asking him to come home. Or not?

God, why can't I decide for myself anymore?

I think you should both do your things -- sure your kids will be fine if they wake up and find your mum there.

You are right - he was not putting you / kids first.

But he probably thought 'oh, they'll be fine'

It's not as if he's going to have a great time out

I don't understand why you can't go out and leave your mum to babysit? I am sure it'd be fine and even if they were upset they woudl cope.

Go to your class and take your mobile- if the kids are unwell your mum can call you.
Your DH is work- and yes, so is yours,but there is a middle way- see above comments.