DH tries to make everything I say/do into an argument

[YellowBlueStar]

Been married 30 years. I work part time, DH is retired but has a zero hours job where he can choose his hours. Since he retired 3 years ago, he has become really angry/grumpy and accuses me of creating arguments/conflict every day. Every little thing I do/say can be turned into an argument by him. For example, I sit down and sigh after a busy day and he'll say "why are you sighing at me? What have I done wrong now? Why are you trying to create a conflict?" I tell him I was sighing because it's nice to sit down after a busy day and he says "it's not my fault you've had a busy day, you can't blame that on me."
If I'm quietly reading, he'll ask me why I'm so quiet "you're not speaking to me. What have I done to upset you now?"
If I'm talking about something, he'll tell me I talk too much and to stop whittling. I just can't win.
He frequently tells me that I cause conflict everyday but, when I ask him how, he can't give me an example. It's just so exhausting. I feel I'm treading on eggshells all the time.
He keeps busy with hobbies and his zero hours job which he really enjoys so it's not as if he's bored. I just don't know what to do. When I try to talk to him about it, he tells me to move on and not talk about things that have already happened.

Mine can start an argument in an empty room since he retired. 🙄

I blame some of the videos on YouTube, Instagram and bloody news programmes.

Even the adult children aren't immune from his Sharp tongue, complaints and general Victor Meldrew tendencies. He also raises his voice for emphasis.

Thank you @YellowBlueStar and others I thought I was the only sufferer

He discovered a new word a while ago and misuses it. "GASLIGHTING". If I disagree during one of his soap box Rants I'm gaslighting him apparently 🙄

This made me laugh. My step dad (retired) does this. Endless letters and emails of complaint. My mum is just happy he’s kept
occupied and out of her hair!

He's always been like it a bit but, when we were both working fulltime, we were really busy with work and he spent a lot of time at home criticising his work colleagues - they didn't know what they were doing/they were useless etc. Now he's not working, I seem to be getting the brunt of his criticism.

He has suggested we go to counselling but I feel that he will act like the victim and paint me to be the bad person. In public he is nice to me and people think he's wonderful but, at home, he is always trying to pick a fight. He never seems happy and blames everything on me.

Yes I have. I have told him that he is angry/negative a lot but he just dismissed it and said I was the angry/negative one.

You don't need to be married for 31 years.

He sounds like an exhausting & miserable person to share a life with.

Oh I could not be doing with this either. I think I would point out that he is being aggressive and to please take an appropriate tone as I am not his staff to speak down to. Like the previous poster with ‘OK Victor’, I’d try to have a little tag line to highlight the behaviour. If he continued to bait me I would leave the room stating you won’t be spoken to like that so you are leaving. Arguing with an empty room won’t be nearly as satisfying.

I honestly do think men go through a very grumpy argumentative stage when older. My BIL did but it only lasted about ten years!!!!!!
Poor you, he obviously thinks the world revolves around him and perhaps needs to do more hours , more housework, more hobbies and stop picking on you.💛

This is not simply a grumpy old man.

Occasionally - probably 3 times I’ve said to my husband of 30 years ‘ I can’t carry on like this’ . ‘If this is the road you want to go down I’m not going to argue I’ll help us to separate our ways amicably. It’s not what I want but I’m not going to stop you behaving how you feel you want to‘-‘it’s been a ride -thank you’. Every time I’ve absolutely meant it. Every time it’s been the only thing to make him sit and reflect if his behaviour/ desire/ whatever it is - is worth it. And he’s changed.

I think life's too short to spend it with a man like this. Is he bringing you down more often than he's making your life better? If so, then it's probably time to move on. If counselling with him wouldn't be a good idea, how about going on your own to help you decide what you want?

I'm sorry to have to tell you that a minority of these men progress to the next stage and become conspiracy theorists. The main symptom is the excessive submission of FOI requests.