Pregnant and Betrayed

[Mikaiash]

I’m currently 23 weeks pregnant with my baby #5 for me but baby #1 for my husband. We went through IVF (kudos to the women that go through rounds and rounds).
Anyway, yesterday (10/6/25) I opened up my husbands iPad as I was home unwell and bored and wanted to play the games he had on there. The screen that came up when I unlocked it was messages where I found that he had sent a photo of his ex in lacy underwear and a screen recording of a pornhub livehdcam from years ago to his phone. He did this on a day where he was sitting right next to me on the lounge a few nights ago.

I confronted him about it where he was extremely apologetic, said it was a very stupid decision to make, felt extremely terrible for hurting me and said he deleted the sent pics/videos off his phone.
I’ve accepted his apology but not forgiven him and won’t allow him to touch me at all.
Today I am still home unwell and my curiosity got the better of me and I opened up his iPad again (not the best move). I found that he has an OnlyFans account where he has several paid subscriptions and has been messaging these creators since about September last year (when we were beginning our IVF journey). I didn’t look at all the messages but some where he has sent photos of himself and the most recent was a new subscription and messages to the creator on my birthday a couple of weeks ago.
I feel extremely betrayed and hurt and I don’t know what to do. I will be confronting him about it but not sure about long term.

This is awful! I’m so sorry for you as the timing is shocking while you are pregnant and I know how overwhelming it must feel, but I really couldn’t stay with him after all of that. You will never trust him again after all of that and he has made a prolonged and continued abuse of your trust with all that and shown now consideration for you with it at all, or for your/ his baby. You need a real talk with him and start thinking of your exit plan. You sound like a strong lady, you are a mum of 4 already and have obviously done it on your own to some degree - you don’t need to put up with this

I have no words that would excuse his actions nor lies, he apologised and feels terrible he has hurt you, yet he still is hiding it from you. The ex GF in lacy underwear pic, seems like he still has the hots for her, he’s not as invested in your marriage as you are. As your pregnancy progressing, you will feel more vulnerable, especially once baby is born. If he’s been messaging on OnlyFans since you started your IVF journey, what the hell will he be like once Baby is here?
I couldn't stay with him, instead of bonding with baby, you will be wondering what he is up to on his phone/ipad and it will be horrible.

This is who he is. Can you live with it?

You know what will happen when you confront him. He will apologise, say it was a silly mistake, beg you to forgive him and promise not to do it again. And then he will do it again once the dust has settled and you feel safe again. It’s an impulsion.

Some men seem to have this reaction whenever they are put in a place of responsibility. It’s common for men to start affairs when life gets ‘real’ like having a new baby. They need to escape and they take a cowards way out rather than addressing those feelings of fear at the changes that are going on and not being the centre of their partners world. It’s a weakness in him that will always be there unless he does lots of inner work to understand why he responds in this way.

Do you think he is capable of this change? Of going to therapy and being honest with himself?

Im sorry OP but I would wonder if he sees you as good mother material - you have already proven that because you already have children - but sees he is entitled to get his sexual fulfillment from other women.

What ever the reason you know he is looking elsewhere for his sexual gratification and is willing to pay for it.

He won't change. He will only lie to you.

And your self esteem and your self worth will be damaged if you stay with this man.

Messaging the women on live cam, sending pics of himself is much more involved than just watching porn.
I think the reality of IVF, you getting pregnant is more than the ‘poor little soldier’ can handle, he will be emotionally checked out, once baby arrives. He is fantasising about an ex, when life was less complicated and reaching out to other women. He is paying for wanks, the next step up is either prostitutes or an affair.
You deserve better and so does your children and unborn baby, it would be easier to pack his bags now than wait till after the birth.

@MangaMoo

I'm sorry I dont know how I managed to quote your post in my reply on the thread.
Entirely unintentional. Obviously too early in the morning for me.

Many men just prioritize their sexual fulfillment first, while women are busy creating families and looking after other people’s wellbeing. He’s just a selfish man. Why would he change? He likely doesn’t see woman as people who deserve respect. That’s a mindset and very difficult to change as unfortunately our culture supports that.