Partner sexting, what now?

[Spagbolo]

I am writing in here because I have nowhere else to turn, I feel embarrassed to talk to my friends and family.
I have been with my OH for 8 years, we have two small children together. A few years ago I found out he was on a kink website, having sexual conversations and exchanging pclictures with other women. When I found out he swore he would never do it again and seemed devastated about hurting me. I have recently found out that he has. I also found an app on his phone that controls sex toys remotely for long distance partners so it has escalated. I don’t believe anything actually physical happened. We don’t have sex at all, he has rarely initiated with me since I first fell pregnant and I don’t either.
i know I deserve better and in my heart I know I don’t feel the same about him anymore and can’t trust him. He drinks every day, he has struggled with gambling at points and general moodiness and stress with work, I feel like I am so drained from this relationship and have become distant from him and have had a guard up for a long time.
I guess I know the answer here and where this is going, I have already told him it’s over but we are living together and he’s now trying everything to stay together. He proposed to me last week which feels too little too late. He has told me it just feels like porn and doesn’t mean anything, he also said that most of his friends physically cheat which he would never do which has annoyed me further.
I feel like my life is a mess, this happened weeks ago and I have only told one of my friends. My family all think everything is fine, I don’t know how to tell people. I think I am worried about what the future looks like now for me and my children. No real questions here but any advice or views on anyone in a similar position are welcomed.

Please dont marry him.

He won't change OP. He's into kink. He's into porn. He's cheating on you with other women. He's incapable of having a normal relationship with a woman. And its already been going on for years.
And thats without even mentioning the drinking, gambling and moodiness.

I don't know why you should feel embarrassment and shame. It's not you that is behaving badly . It's him.

You really need to find out how you can manage financially and make plans to leave this relationship.

You and your children deserve so much better.

I kept catching my other half and kept forgiving him multiple times doing exactly the same things online !! over a 12 year period , beliving and hoping he would change .It's left me with low self esteem and much more and im now out of the relationship thankfully, but I need a long time to heal so please don't make the make the same mistake I did and think he will change!! Get out now and put yourself first , you deserve better ,alot better , good luck x

I'm surprised and sad that you have to ask "what now", isn't it obvious?

The future for you and your kids if you stay with him - looks grim AF.
Kink porn, gambling, drinking, lying about it, no sex life. And he’s under constant peer pressure to cheat because that’s what his mates do… He won’t change. It won’t get better. All you can do is get away, so do it as soon as you can, the best time is usually ‘as soon as you’ve got a plan’.

Good lord. Leave him now. This is terrible and you sound so sad. I’m so sorry. Good luck!!!

You need to leave him, but I think you know that. Telling your parents is easy... 'I'm divorcing so and so'.

You would be crazy to marry this man. Drinking, gambling, moodiness, no intimacy, kink and infidelity? He's a waste of space.

It’s part of his personality - he won’t change.

Yuck, you and your children deserve so much better than this, OP.

Definitely don’t marry him. He wants to lock you in and carry on - it’s who he is.

Leave him and build a happy and peaceful life for you and the kids. Sending hugs. 💐

LTB, you would be better alone and after a period of time may meet someone new or find single life works well.
The option you're in will just run you down.

Oh god..get out. Do you want to be miserable with him the rest of your life ?

Your one life is too precious. Most of his friends cheat? And he wants friends like that? Even if a great deal of men have low morals like this and this means a significant amount of women need to be single, that’s fine. Single life can be peaceful and joyful. In time you will figure out how to manage all aspects of your life without him. Your children will learn self-sufficiency and integrity. We raise the next generation of men to be better. And you might even meet a man with better morals.

Do you really want to waste more of your time being the convenient safe haven for this sleazy cf? He actually proposed marriage, my god, he really thinks he’s the prize.

Irreconcilable differences covers a multiple of sins when explaining why you no longer want to be in a relationship with this man.

Time to face your fears and to prioritise your self respect.

You do have to disconnect from this man because these kinks usually get more intense and extreme because they will no longer satisfy him and he will move on to something a little more harming. It will go on step by step.
They will take more of his time, the gambling and sexting will occupy more of his brain and all will take more of his money.
You can't fix him.

Sorry to say, but I think it is time to change your life. LTD for the sake of your sanity.