Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Drunk????

5 replies

YellowBellePea · 10/06/2025 13:59

30 years ago when I was a teenager my father came home drunk which wasn't usual for him. He took me and my other older siblings into the kitchen and cried and told us that he was not the father of my younger brother.

I was only a teenager at the time but I thought he lacked integrity because he was drunk. Also it was know he had a mistress and she had a baby and he never even told us. We just had to learn when that little kid was able to talk and called him daddy. I thought it was my father being a coward not telling us about his mistress and their baby. I thought it it was his way to maybe gain sympathy from his own mother who came from a time that would have been considered a huge sin.

It was sometimes on my mind for years like what if what he said was true.

My mother is going senile now and I do see evil in her old age.

My younger brother would never forgive me if our parents died and it turned out that he was only a half sibling and we never told him what my father said.

I am still on good terms with my father. Do you think I should maybe see him and chat with him? See if what he said was true. But it was so long ago. It was over 30 years ago and my father was drunk. But then why would he say something like that?

OP posts:
YellowBellePea · 10/06/2025 14:08

My mother told me after that incident not to believe him because he was drunk.

I also thought when was she supposed to have time to cheat and take a local man into bed with her when I was small.

So I never really put much weight into what my father said.

But kow I do see evil in my mother and now I am thinking is she is capable of having a child and lying to him about his his father for all his life.

l

OP posts:
NeedyQuoter · 10/06/2025 14:12

What do you mean see evil in your mum? I think dementia can make a person act mean.
I don't think another conversation with dad would confirm anything. If i were the brother I'd rather be told what was said back then and then having the option to be tested to check paternity. Then if it comes back as not the bio son i would want info from dad and mum if she is capable. So i would tell brother ideally with the sister who was there at the time too.

Bittenonce · 10/06/2025 14:20

If it were you - would you want to be told, now, that your Dad wasn’t your biological father? I think I’d want to know - so maybe talk to your brother now. If he wants to know then a DNA test for both of you would tell you, rather than relying on your parents to ‘fess up. And if your Dad was telling the truth back then, he and your mum won’t be able to lie now.

SapporoBaby · 10/06/2025 14:20

Yes. Ask him.

NamechangeJunebaby · 10/06/2025 20:03

YellowBellePea · 10/06/2025 14:08

My mother told me after that incident not to believe him because he was drunk.

I also thought when was she supposed to have time to cheat and take a local man into bed with her when I was small.

So I never really put much weight into what my father said.

But kow I do see evil in my mother and now I am thinking is she is capable of having a child and lying to him about his his father for all his life.

l

Is this your first experience of dementia? That’s not evil - it’s not how they are. It’s what the dementia makes them - acting completely out of character, and completely different to the person you knew. It’s very sad. Show compassion and love and though it’s hard you just need to she’s off comments and change the subject. You can’t argue with someone suffering from this. Just try to keep them on an even keel.

Your mum is unlikely to be able to give you an honest answer now so unless you go down the route of dna testing I’m not sure I’d bring it up.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread