Fallen out of love.

[Notbuzzinganymore]

How do you make it work when you no longer love your partner, they havent done anything wrong but I've fallen out of love. Is a comfortable life, ds and dd in their teens, good jobs, nice home, married 20 years. Barely any sex because I just want to and the last time I felt horrible during and afterwards.

I am really struggling with staying or going, do I take the kids too? Money worries it's all too much to bear at times.

Do you still like him?
I knew it was time to go when I found myself looking for anything to do that meant I wasn't at home with him.
But if it's more just like a spark has gone, I'd try and reignite it first.

I thought I didn’t like sex until I met someone post divorce that I wanted to have sex with, boy was I missing out 😂 You’re a long time dead op, I’m having the best life away from my ex and I’m excited for the future. You only get one shot, go build a life that makes you happy.

This was me. We held on for probably ten years longer than we needed to as we had small DC, I also couldn't admit it to myself for a really long time or consider ripping my kids life apart. The turning point was the DC getting older and more independent and I realised I didn't want to spend the newly found spare time with him and I started to feel a bit of resentment towards the situation. Luckily the feeling was mutual and so we split up, DC were 11 and 12. Best thing I ever did, never a second of regret and both of us are now remarried and very happy.

Do you no longer love him, or are you no longer infatuated with him?
Are you indifferent to him?
Do you still respect him/look up to him?
Do you care about his happiness and his well-being?
Do you feel a sense of partnership in the life you've built together?
Would you be jealous of you found out he slept with someone else?

I know couples who had lost that spark but who were excellent at running a household and parenting together. This could buy you some extra time to figure out whether you can get back on track. Maybe try couples counseling, spening more quality time together, going on dates, ...
If you no longer care about him, if you're indifferent to him, don't respect him if he's not even your teammate or your friend, then there's a lot more going on. In that case, you're fooling yourself into believing that he's done nothing wrong and you have no real problems other than you've fallen out of love.

Should you stay or should you go? (thanks for the earworm)!
I think you get to a point in a relationship when you either get fed up with one another and can't be bothered any more, or something shifts deeper and even though first infatuation/incredible sex have waned, you have a deep connection that makes you want to paddle the kayak together. I think you have to work actively to keep a marriage 'fresh'. It's not easy at times but if it's worth it then you dig in and get on with it.
I have definitely wondered at times if it's worth staying when my other half has driven me demented. Then something happens, we share a moment, and I go ah this is why....
Which sounds ridiculously soppy written down.
If you don't get those moments and shared times when the world falls away, I'd be looking to move on. As someone else said, life's too short.