Friend drama

[Itsallthedramamickijust]

I am friends with A and B - generally we all get on well. A has been a bit quieter with me recently and is not replying to my messages. I understand they’re in a difficult headspace so have messaged a little but trying not to bombard.

We have all been chatting on our group chat on and off regardless.

Anyway I asked B if they knew how A was. Said I hadn’t heard anything and was concerned. Had I perhaps done something to upset them? B then said, I’m not sure, maybe best if you check with them directly?

To me, it sounds like I have but I don’t know if I’m misinterpreting things. I also hate drama and am not a huge fan of drama-fuelled confrontation. Why not just tell me to my face?!

Should I say anything or just leave it now, and am I reading too much into things?

It does sound like B is hinting gently that there is an issue.

I would text and ask.

The thing is I have sent several messages asking how A is over the past few days and they’ve all gone unanswered. I’m not really sure what else I can say. Also A has been messaging us both on the group chat…

Ring her and ask

We don’t really speak on the phone. We message or speak in person. I’ve sent several messages which have gone unanswered.

"Hi A. I know we don't really speak on the phone but I wanted to call you as I am worried I have done something to upset you, and if I have, to see if I can make it right."

There you go.

Also she is literally ignoring me. I don’t really want to have to meekly enquire whether I’ve done anything wrong. The last interaction we had she was annoyed at me for not communicating properly and I stood up for myself. But we cleared the air - so feel a little annoyed that it’s draggged into this

Hopeful bump

If you don’t want to ask her whether you’ve done something to upset her then what do you want people to say? It’s not being meek to enquire, it’s being proactive. It’s rude to ignore someone. If she doesn’t reply then you know where you stand.

Ah you see it isn't meek, it's assertive. You aren't saying you are wrong, you're not letting her get away with poor comms.

You know, good communication doesn't just float your way. You have to take part in it. When you communicate properly and maturely, you extend an invitation to the other to do the same.

What I'm seeing is that you're very conflict avoidant, but at the same time you're letting this fester in your head. You're fixated on it, over-thinking, talking to a mutual friend and then over-analysing her responses, while all she's doing it - rightfully - telling you to address this problem with your friend directly rather than speaking to friends about it in her absence.

So really, if you want to fix this, you need to start being part of the solution, not the problem. Talk to your friend. If she's not replying, call her. Ask her straight up if anything's bothering her. Tell her how insecure the silence is making you feel, and that you need a bit more framework to understand how you can be a good friend to her. You need to know what she needs from you in order to give her that.

Ring