I can't go on like this

[hoopieghirl]

My partner and I have been together 10 years. Up to 3 years ago I would have said our relationship was perfect. We never really argued laughed a lot etc etc. Both his parents got dementia so he moved back home to help them. 3 years ago 1/7/22 his parents house caught fire, his mum died in fire and my partner horrifically burnt. He was in a coma for 2 weeks and in Burns Unit for 6, months. It was during COVID so things very difficult. His brother is a psycho I had to deal with him also. Anyway my partner was brought out of coma to learn his mum had died he couldn't go to hospital as he was too ill but they let him watch funeral via zoom. The drugs he was on made him paranoid and delusional, seeing insects everywhere etc. I admit I found the pressure very difficult any could have handled it better. He convinced himself of things that were not true. Accused me of coming up to hospital drunk which did not happen. Told me nurses said I was abusive to him and he had it on his medical records I'm manic not true. He has made a fabulous recovery but still has long way to go. However he is a changed man. Moody and short tempered. I understand the trauma he suffered is horrific but he lashes out at me verbally when we have a disagreement, casts up things from 3 years ago. I trained to be a Samaritan as I wanted to help other people going through similar. I was proud to be accepted and to complete the training. However all my partner has done is criticise and ridicule me. 'You can help strangers but you were useless to me in hospital "etc. . I can't take it anymore. At present he is giving me the silent treatment because I scanned my card too soon in Sainsbury's and the staff had to come over. He needs to deal with his trauma but thinks he is so much better. I can't go on like this. He developed a crush on the psychologist in hospital she was totally professional so all in his mind. He convinced himself staff were his best friends and became institutionalised after 6, months in jospital.When Psychologist was leaving he bought her a £300 pandora bracelet because she helped him more than I did he said. I was given nothing to or my birthday or Christmas.I'm gutted.

Walk away.

It's absolutely tragic what happened to him. But you can't fix that and it's hugely unfair of him to blame you and make you suffer like this. Of course it's understandable in one way - he's suffering and likely always will. But making you suffer won't ease his pain.

You've given everything you could for 3 years. You owe him nothing more and your first responsibility is to yourself - to safeguard your own wellbeing.

This.

You are both miserable in this relationship. End it for the both of you.

Thank you you are all right. Received the following text.', "Not playing this game, too nice a day. I'm away out won't be be taking any calls or reading any texts till tonight maybe tomorrow ", this made me laugh entitled Prick. Thank ladies your the best.

Well, give him that silence. Maybe in a few days write him a letter if you feel you owe him that much, but otherwise consider yourself free of him.

Wow, he is talking to you like you are absolute dirt.

He seems to have created an alternative reality where he says you did not help him when you did support him as much as you could. It is convenient for him to do this as it makes you feel guilty and he can then take out all his anger about what happened on you without you reacting.

He has suffered a horrific life event but we are in control of how we treat others. He is treating you badly and he is not happy either. It looks like he can't let go of the past or his own reality so separation seems the best course of acton.

You must believe that you are a Good Samaritan and that you have helped and are still helping your husband through tragic circumstances because you are, despite his gaslighting but enough is enough and it is time to walk away but please put some safety measures in place when you leave because he is very irrational

What an absolutely tragic turn of events. But yes, 3 years like this, enough is enough.

I'm so glad he sent that text. Wonder if he'll stick to it. And his behavior with the psychologist was deluded. Please be careful op. He is living a different reality it seems

You know what, I get that he is angry that his life has changed and he lost his parent. Totally valid response. HOWEVER, I don't get him taking it out on you. You've done nothing wrong and he's gaslighted you. I couldn't stay if I were you. I just couldn't stand it.

Exteme stress or trauma can cause a psychotic episode. It sounds like at least initially he was psychotic (the insects and paranoia are very standard with psychosis)

However, regardless of the cause you don't have to put up with this. You only have one life, you've stuck by him for years since and it doesn't seem to be improving.

OP you are not his mother. There is no unconditional love for someone who treats you this bad. It sounds like it’s turned into an abusive parent/child relationship.

Time to put your own oxygen mask on first and save yourself.

Finish it, you will feel relieved.

What a tragic story I’m sorry this has happened to all of you.. You really never know what life will throw at you.

Thank you for all the comments I am reading through them. I had an appointment at Woman's Aid today. Very helpful will go see them again next week.

Good, this is just what you want. He's basically said he doesn't want to hear from you, so save that text and don't contact him again. If he contacts you one day, send him a screenshot of it in reply.

He is angry and full of resentment and there is nothing you can do to change it. You can only save yourself now. Be kind on the way out op, as gentle as can be, as he is traumatised, but you must leave. He has become abusive, and needs professional help.

I don't know how you've managed this long honestly. It's torture. He's being abusive and only to you. He's so very ungrateful. I know he went through a lot, but you don't deserve this.

This so called relationship is sucking the life out of you and driving you crazy.

Be done with him and don't look back.

I'd message him anyway if it was me and just say the relationship isn't working for you anymore. It's affecting your mental health and he doesn't seem happy... wish him well for the future. That would be me done and him blocked.

You have done the absolute best you could and it's not making either of you happy. Perhaps he can't be happy, given what he has been through, but you deserve better than this. Walk away now, you have given more than enough.

You are an amazing woman op. You don’t deserve this. I don’t usually say thi, but leave him and go and enjoy your life. 💐💐💐

Sounds like you know you need to set yourself free OP. Just came on here to wish you the very best of luck with your future. It's an awful situation but you don't owe anything more.

A perfect time to send him a text back.
" I understand , I will no longer be returning your calls , after all this time you continue to abuse me and our relationship is no longer working, take care and I wish you well "

Yes now is the perfect time to get out of this relationship. What he's doing could be tremendously damaging to you, is completely unfair and miserable, and he is not showing any signs of recognizing the impact on you or of caring for or loving you.

Block the tosser, you owe him nothing and you need to think of yourself now. I would change your home phone/ mobile number so he can’t get in touch and you can move on.
He's not the man you knew, the trouble is, you feel in limbo but the relationship you had is over. You don’t need to explain to him, just block him and start living your life and leave him in the past.

Your partner has suffered a huge trauma but that doesn't excuse his behaviour towards you at all. You have done all you could at the time, and since. He's clearly full of anger and resentment over what has happened to him. You can't help him deal with this, he needs professional support. Neither can you carry on in this situation. Please end this relationship for your own MH and sanity. You are not responsible for your partner, and it's time you started putting yourself first.