Oversharing

[Backtobackchat]

Does anyone else over share their personal life with friends. Like i genuinely can't help myself
I feel so much regret and shame afterwards.
I overshared with a pal and shes putting nothing but negativity into my head.
How do I put an end to her asking me questions and being involved in my personal life after inviting her in without causing offense?

Adhd meds

What kind of things?

Well it depends what sort of things you've been 'oversharing' with her and whether she is now commenting out of concern or whether it's genuinely none of her business.

Eg did you tell her that your partner is cheating on you with prostitutes but you're staying because you love him or did you tell her about the time, 15 years ago, when you got drink on a works night out and snogged your boss?

Having therapy or journaling where you discuss these things and get them out. Not drinking or taking drugs. Preparing phrases and responses to difficult and awkward questions that seem to open the floodgates. Having other things to talk about like movies, news, travels. Only socialising when you feel calm and for shorter periods. Dealing with your trauma and pain instead of suppressing then blurting out. Educating yourself on social rules eg fine thanks is the only answer to how are you (!)
Listening more than talking. Mentally preparing a stash of safe topics for conversations. Staying in the moment and keeping conversation upbeat, positive ans light. Do new interesting things or go to new places so you have neutral safe things to talk about.
Just remember, people don't care or want to know about your trauma and it's a privilege to confide our secrets into someone but also a burden that many don't want to bear. Make a mental list of things you will not share with others and a list of safe things to talk about. Think about not wanting to put a downer on others.

Thank you for the advice
Not putting a downer on things sounds good to me cause it genuinely does
I share everything with this one person she knows all my business and family etc
Its wrong I know but I really think I've learned from this
I want to damage control now or take it back
See this girl has seen me vulnerable and know everything
I now feel she thrives secretly off It hyper focusing on my relationship issues
Her partner is now starting to give his opinion
Its gone icky...
When I speak to my old pals they give healthy advice I feel healed and have better perspective but with her I feel leaving worse than ever
I swear her and her partner are getting a weird kick out of it

I used to be in a meditation group and we used to share thoughts during the session. One woman would say things like, "I had sex for the first time in ages last night."

We'd nod and smile and wait for the next installment. She didn't have ADHD, she just over shared.

Could it be anxiety or lack of appropriate support like therapy? What about loneliness? Sometimes when you're lonely you can treat people like life rafts and talk too much.

If I don't want to answer a question, I change the subject or say you ask a lot of questions. I sometimes say I'd rather not say or something like that.

I think its lack of being heard in my relationship as we are in a rough patch, loneliness and trying to give a friendship more meaning my sharing
Maybe I need therapy I've had a lot of trauma in my life.
Worst part is I share others secrets, im like a gossip but I genuinely love and care for these people

Oh sweet Jesus, I went running the other day, forgot my meds before I ran. I didn’t stop talking and (possibly) oversharing.

I genuinely dont think I have it like I've no other signs ...

I recently learned that trauma affects the same parts of the brain as adhd so a lot of the behaviours are very alike. You mention you’ve experienced trauma OP so you might be on the right track when you say you’ve had trauma and don’t think you’ve got adhd. I would strongly recommend you try therapy with a trauma informed therapist and go from there. Compassion focused therapy is working very well for me so worth looking into that maybe. Good luck. You’re also allowed to tell your friend “thank you but I don’t want to discuss that matter any further at this point”.

The couple might be nasty people enjoying your turmoil and gossiping about you, i have certainly met such people. Or it might be your insecurities because she didn't open up and exchange with you her darkest secrets back it can feel like she has the upper hand somehow. But you could see it as she didn't want to make it about herself or burden you with her problems or maybe she is further along the healing journey and so no longer has the need to share because she laid these things to rest or has an existing good support system or outlet. She might have been like you before so it's like flashback to see someone spinning or she could be very closed off person it's a foreign concept for her to share her problems..

Everyone has skeletons in their closets, just because you don't know her failures and sore points doesn't mean she hasn't any.
you can still establish boundaries, you need to decide how much of your life you want them to know about moving forward in terms of updates and if they ask about something you no longer want to talk about you could reply with vague and general response and like much better thanks, we're getting there, it's coming along,... and change the subject.

you could say thank you for listening to me about this earlier, i was in a vulnerable place and appreciate you lending an ear and I'm sorry for oversharing it must have been intense for you. I'm getting help with this or i'm in a better place now thank you for your support and kindness (even if she weren't, hopefully this will guilt her into being kinder). And make a mental note not to drink around,if she asks an open question reply vaguely and politely and change the subject or deflect the question onto her. If she remains in your friendship circle with time you will know her secrets.. nobody is perfect it's just a matter of time.

Yes you can say with a nice tone thank you for asking, it's fine now or getting better but i'd rather not talk about it here (or again) if you say it in a nice kind tone and a slight smile she should take the hint. I would make sure to thank her for asking though even if you think shes just fishing for gossip it might shame her into being nicer.

This person doesn't sound like a very good friend tbh
Her partner has no right to comment on your life.
Another vote for journaling, it's a much safer way to vent than confiding in someone.

So you are having relationship issues so only want to hear what you want to hear and not mayb4 the truth? Plus maybe the friend is tored of a one-sided conversation

Yes this may not be the reality but your post makes me think it is

I think its lack of being heard in my relationship as we are in a rough patch, loneliness
Maybe I need therapy

Me too OP. And I don't realise until afterwards so I can't shut it down mid-share.

It sounds almost like a compulsion and I think therapy would be very helpful.

I work with an oversharer. I know more about her life than my own. She just releases one long stream of consciousness, regardless of who is around. I bought her a lovely journal for Christmas (she was my secret Santa pick) but as far as I k now, she hasn't used it yet.