Opinions please!

[Calmbeforestorm]

I’ve been dating someone for a year but I’ve started to see the real him. I thought we were dating, towards being together long term. First date he stated he wanted children. Turns out not yet. We have met each others friends etc. But recently he seems to be being very honest and I’ve felt that we are not as exclusive as I thought. He is just dating me but when he is away without me I get the impression he acts single from recent conversations. I feel a bit let down but we seem to be having honest conversations now but do I just walk away. It’s been a bit of a drip feed recently and I feel confused. We get on really well but it all feels a bit deflated. It seems I’m in a situationship without being given the memo until now.

Walj away.

You don't need anyone's permission or approval to make the decision that the "relationship " isnt going the way you'd like, isnt giving you what you want. Don't explain yourself or feel you need to explain your decision.

You've been dating someone for a year and he still acts single when hes out without you..... I would be definitely walking away from him!!

I think this one of those if he wanted to he would situations. Sounds like he’s just not that into you and you need to walk away.

Walk away before you get even more hurt by him.

Sadly he’s not that into you. You’re an option not his priority. And after a year if it was going to be long term, he should be at least committed to exclusivity.
Leave him and get tested.

If you let someone treat you like this they will never feel the need to offer you more

You all make perfect sense. I have mulled it over and I think he has treated it like he isn’t offering more just being quite closed off all the time. I have felt a bit like I don’t know where I stand at times. He is still calling/messaging all the time. Part of me can’t be bothered to date others right now and I feel he works for me now. But the thought of not having physical exclusivity is a bit grim. I knew it may not last forevers because of our jobs and possible relocations in the future but I’m half tempted to stick and leave my options open. We have talked about attachment and he has apologised but I’m still considering right now.

Well I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting children but not wanting them yet and especially when you've only been dating a year.

But, after a year, I definitely wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't exclusive.

You're half tempted to stick and leave your options open? What does that mean? See if he settles down and becomes monogamous? How long would you give that? He's already had a year. Would you really want to look back on someone you've created a life and a family with and know that for the first year or so of your relationship they were shagging about? Does rhat sound like the basis for a strong and secure relationship?

This sounds like one of those scenarios where the red flags are all there and you'd be back here in 5 years with a baby wondering how you found yourself with a cheater. Half the posters would be telling you you should have ended it at the point you're at now and the other half would be sympathising, telling you how shit men are and how it's not your fault.

No, not your fault but this is the point at which you get to decide what you want for your life.

If you really want to keep on contacting/ seeing him, at least continue to chat to other men.

You don’t need to sleep with anyone else but you need to keep your options open. It will give you perspective.

I agree with what others have said, you shouldn’t just fall into a long term relationship with this person who shows poor traits for a stable partner. If you want to continue having fun with him then keep it casual. But be prepared for him to start wanting exclusivity as soon as he realises you have other options.

It’s a tough one I feel like he’s playing down the being with other people. He says when he is dating it’s just that person but had described his friends opinion of him previously and that alarmed me. I feel he has been testing me a bit and not communicating well. But we have had better communication recently. I’m going to see him this week and I am wary but will decide how I feel. Is been a bit of a shock and has affected my trust. I’m not sure I definitely want children so that part isn’t an issue right now.

What exactly was said? Is there a chance you have overreacted to something said offhandedly because the communication between you needs work? Or was it clear that he’s been keeping his options open?