PARTNER ON DATING APP

[doolally48]

Ive very recently found out my partner of 6 years had a Facebook dating profile and had been messaging a woman (found out because it's a small old world 🤔 ) I'm 48 he's 51 and we've been having a particularly rough time the past couple of years and have almost split up on 2 occasions, the issues are deep rooted ones we've both had alot of struggles before we met each other, at the time of this messaging he had moved out (it's my house) but we were talking daily and trying to figure the way forward. He's been back here since jan and we've been ok, working on it. I'm devastated and heartbroken, angry too. When I confronted him his first reaction was to deny it but he then admitted what he'd done, saying was just messages and he'd never have taken it further it was just boredom, and for kicks basically. I spend every day with this whirling in my head thinking of scenarios and wondering if he's being truthful about it being only one woman and a stupid mistake, one that was very public as was on FB dating using his real name etc which I just find so crazy as we both know so many people who know we are in a longterm relationship. I 100% do not think he's ever slept with anyone else. At the moment he's moved out (this happened 2 weeks ago) I've gone through every emotion going, hurt, anger, humiliation and I just don't know what to do. He wants me to give us a chance and build trust, start from scratch so to speak but I don't know if I can, my head tells me no but my heart sais it was a one off mistake. Help!!!

I think once the trust is gone, a relationship is over.
No way of knowing if he physically cheated, but I think most men only admit to what you already know.

If he wants kicks, kick him to the kerb

I couldn’t forgive this, the relationship sounds like it’s well and truly over don’t cling on hoping it’ll get better, you’ve got used to being in a relationship that’s all, but it’s not working and he’s been keeping his options open.

my head tells me no

And my head says 'You don't need this crap in your life, you don't need to be confused and uncertain. You need a peaceful home without disruptions or worry. So, throw the faithless fucker out. It's not a mistake, it's who he is.'

To be honest, the relationship sounds as if it hasn't been working for sometimes. There's only so many times you can 'work on the relationship' before you have to face the fact, that you aren't compatible. Whatever issues you both had prior to the relationship, have been dragged into it, and haven't really been resolved? If that's correct, then take this latest issue as a sign that the relationship isn't meant to be. End it properly. Work on any issues you feel there is with yourself, stay single for a year, do things you enjoy without having to worry about another person, seek counselling if necessary. Then start fresh.. and find someone who is compatible.

You wrote it the wrong way round. Your heart knows he’s a cheater. There’s a voice in your head saying the easy way would be to pretend like you don’t know it and be a fool until he meets someone that he wants more.

i think once you've decided to cross the threshold of doing something in secret, it's incrementally easier to step up what it is you're keeping secret.

taking into account that your relationship is in a fragile state currently, it suggests that DP is already thinking about what's out there if you were to split, and then acting on it

What ever reasons he gives you and whether he met up with someone or not - they ALWAYS say they haven't and wouldn't - he has cheated on you.

You won't be able to trust him going forward.

Sounds like time to do what is best for YOU. And it doesn't sound like that' would be staying in this.relationship.

You've said your relationship has been rocky for ages now. For me that would be the icing on the cake.

Only you can decide whether it's worth giving it another go but he has to build trust back with you and quit Facebook.

Doesn't sound worth it from what you've posted.

Why on why do women do this to themselves? He's moved out, let him be gone.