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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It’s not you, it’s me…

4 replies

booknovella · 08/06/2025 23:32

…to an extent. Been married to DH a long time. Teenage kids. We’ve had a tough few years and I’d say our marriage is at the rockiest it’s ever been. There is one particular issue that seems to cause most of our problems. I don’t really want to say what because I think we’ll derail into a discussion about the issue itself, which I’m not asking about 😂

What I am asking is this - I’ve become aware that the reason I am so unhappy is that the issue ties into some quite severe trauma from my childhood. I recognise this, I’ve tried to explain to DH, but he’s not really getting it, and I remain angry and resentful. But it’s become clear to me that, even though DH’s handling of this and his communication/empathy levels leave much to be desired, the main ‘problem’, as it were, lies with me.

Can anyone relate, and how did you navigate that?

OP posts:
Lighteningstrikes · 08/06/2025 23:39

He should 100% be taking your lead.

Seaoftroubles · 08/06/2025 23:42

If you think it's trauma based then please get some counselling for advice and support. Your husband should of course be more receptive and empathetic but a counsellor can help you navigate this and also advise you on how to help heal yourself too.

MrBlobbyScaresMe · 08/06/2025 23:42

It's hard to say without knowing what the problem is but if he isn't trying to change or do things differently to make you feel better then yeah I'd be angry too.

booknovella · 09/06/2025 00:55

Thanks. The trouble is, I think the issue is mine to solve. DH not handling it well or helping me, but it’s up to me to change how I feel.

has anyone been through similar?

OP posts:
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