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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Were his first date expectations unreasonable?

14 replies

jubs15 · 08/06/2025 21:09

A guy I matched with wanted to meet and basically spend the whole of Saturday and Sunday together. I felt this was too much for a first date and suggested we meet for a morning coffee. He kept talking about us going on to other places afterwards and again spoke about spending the Sunday together. I told him (truthfully) that I was meeting a friend, so I'd be happy to meet for a coffee on the Saturday.

Yesterday I met him as planned and we got on well. We'd spent 2 hours together and I'd told him I needed to get some shopping done, but he wanted us to go on somewhere else together. It was raining and we were in what was supposed to be his home town, so I didn't know what to suggest and he didn't suggest anything.

Nothing was said about a second date, but when I got home I messaged to say I'd be happy to meet again. He asked me where and when, but as where he actually lived was miles away from what he'd put on his profile, meeting after work would be problematic for me. I said that if nothing else I could meet him next Saturday, but asked him for ideas. No reply. I had a look at the map and suggested I could drive on to meet him today, after seeing my friend. A few more hours and still no reply. I said I wasn't sure what had gone wrong but that I was there if he wanted to tell me. No reply, so this evening I deleted his number.

Was I unreasonable in not wanting to spend almost my whole weekend with someone I'd only just met? Even though we got on, I had other plans and stuff to do at home. Before we met I'd told him I didn't want to become over-invested right at the start and wanted to take things slowly. He kept saying there was no pressure, but I felt like I was pressured quite a bit and then he just blanked me, presumably because I didn't want to do what he wanted. Was he just super keen on me and I didn't pick up on it or might have been displaying a red flag for being controlling/demanding?

OP posts:
Sunnyatlast25 · 08/06/2025 21:12

Well you gave him an option to meet and he didn’t take it. He sounds a bit full on. I don’t think many people would want to commit to two days together when they hadn’t even met.

gamerchick · 08/06/2025 21:13

That's... Weird. He wanted to spend 2 days together in a row but didn't actually have any ideas on what to do?

Lurkingandlearning · 08/06/2025 21:14

My guess is he was flying when you were together and by the time you text him he was coming down

Gymbunny2025 · 08/06/2025 21:15

He doesn’t sound very single?

AcquadiP · 08/06/2025 21:17

I find it weird that he wanted to spend an entire weekend with someone he had just met. It also sounds as if he didn't like you having your own life and friends either. Nah, bin him!

TwistedWonder · 08/06/2025 21:18

Maybe his idea of spending the whole weekend together involved sex and when he fishy get his way he lost interest.

I think when he ignored your message the first time you should have left it there rather than keep chasing him tbh. You've done right thing deleting his number now.

Runlikesomeoneleftgateopen · 08/06/2025 21:19

Makes you wonder does he actually have a place to stay?
Was he after one night stand?

Gundogday · 08/06/2025 21:20

I think all weekend is a bit ott as well.

RedIsNotMyFavouriteColour · 08/06/2025 21:24

He sounds pushy and full on. Lucky escape

Sunnyatlast25 · 08/06/2025 21:27

What was he expecting you to do? Stay at his place?

memoriesofamiga · 08/06/2025 21:41

How big is this town you met in? My hunch is that he wanted to 'be seen out and about with a woman' for a specific reason, like hoping you would bump into his ex or something while you were together.

Sounds exhausting either way and you're better off having deleted his number.

blacksax · 08/06/2025 21:54

"Maybe his idea of spending the whole weekend together involved sex"

Yeah, this. All day Saturday and Sunday - and all night in between. He was obviously desperate for sex and assumed you would be up for it too.

CameltoeParkerBowles · 08/06/2025 22:05

It sounds as though he had a free weekend, and wanted to have sex (hence the two-day date). Then, when you didn't go for that, he decided to move on and try it with someone else. As a pp said, he doesn't sound entirely single.

healthybychristmas · 08/06/2025 22:40

Yes he had plans to be in bed with you for the whole two days. When he realised that real life was interfering he moved on. What a waste of time he was!

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