I feel this is a waste of a topic, but need to vent

[ChildishMe]

I've been with my DP for 6 months now. I love him loads, and the relationship is a really good one, considering previous ones have been really bad for me.

However, I find I keep getting upset with him, though I know I shouldn't. He works nights, starts his job at 4 and doesn't finish til midnight. I work til 3pm before I have to go on the school run. My problem is that I never get to speak to him properly. I feel like a part time DP.

He doesn't go to bed til 4 or 5 as he says he can't just go straight to bed when he gets home, he needs to unwind, which I understand, so he'll watch a film or talk to his mates. However this mean he doesn't wake up til 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Like today, so far I haven't heard from him and it's almost 2 and I leave in an hour. I am then too busy between 3 and 4 to be able to speak to him at which point he's at work and has to turn his phone off til he has a half hour break. We'll text, maybe ring, but usually his break is when DD is going to bed, so I can't always speak to him.

What's worse is that he lives half hour drive away from me, and he doesn't drive, so it's not like he can just come over whenever he's finished work, although by midnight I'm asleep anyway.

I feel like I'm being childish (hence the nickname) as he's entitled to do what he wants, and our lifestyles at the moment just clash really. I've mentioned it before and said I felt like a part time gf, and he said he understood how I felt, and would try to go bed earlier and wake up at like 10am so he can talk to me properly on IM. This has happened once, maybe twice since we spoke.

It just upsets me terribly because I love him and just want to feel we're actually a part of each other's lives and not just the weekend when he comes round on his days off.

I have issues myself, I am very clingy and needy which does not help at all, but I don't know what I can do to either break my thought train on this and to not get so upset over it, and just accept that this is how it is... or what. I just dunno. Does this even make sense anymore? Lol. x

Message withdrawn

It's a difficult one. I can understand that he needs some time when he gets back from his shift to relax, so his sleep pattern isn't unreasonable.It's not as if he is drinking, searching for porn on the internet or engaging in unsuitable activities he is just trying to have some time after a shift and I think its a teeny weeny bit unreasonable of you to expect him to go to bed straight away as his body clock must be royally knacked by night time working.

In a lot of relationships partners don't see a lot of each other during the week, this includes people who have long commutes or work irregular hours.

I can see that its difficult for you, but at this point I'd focus on what he is like at the weekend. Is he fun to be with at the weekend, does he get on well with your DCs, does he generally make an effort around you then ? Also do you need more interests for yourself, as it sounds like you are very dependant on him and could do with some other things to do as well.

I think you've had some good advice here

Having worked various different shift patterns I can confirm that it is almost impossible to come home and go straight to bed - you need some time to potter and unwind.

When DH and I got together, I was working nights (from 1 am to 9 am) and he lived in a different city three hours' drive away, so we didn't see each other at all during the week. I'd get in from work at 9 am on Saturday morning and go more or less straight to bed, then he'd arrive around lunchtime and we'd spend the weekend together. After six or seven months we were both fed up, so I changed my hours and he moved to London - so this may not be a permanent arrangement for you. On the other hand, there are lots of women in my line of work who work evenings and their partners work days, in order to cut down on childcare costs, so it can work.

Talk to him. If you want more attention, like a phone call or text each day, then let him know. If you want to know if there's a possibility of things changing in the future then ask. Ultimately though you might need to give up midweek time for quality time at the weekend, if that's what the deal is

Thanks for your advice.

I know that I'm being unreasonable in a way, and things are stressful for me at the moment so this was just something that was adding to it. But thank you, I will take your words of wisdom into account Thank you.