I am a mother of 2 sons who I adore more than anything. One aged 8 and one aged 7 weeks old. My first born being born to a separate relationship that left me to be a single mum from before birth and my second born is with my now boyfriend of 4 years.
I had postnatal with my first son, had it quite bad to be honest, not with the bonding side to it but just the depression side. I was in a low place but managed to get out of it eventually..with me having it previously I thought I would know the red flags or the warning signs but I can't tell if it's postnatal or if I'm unhappy in my current relationship.
Just like many relationships, they're not perfect..I have my imperfections, he has his.. he took on my first born like his own and was amazing with him but when I got pregnant with my second son I seen my boyfriend in a different way. He changed in my eyes and I noticed feeling sad and lonely my whole pregnancy. He would prioritize himself over me and my first born, ignoring me when I was struggling during pregnancy, left me to do things I shouldn't of been doing. I felt lonely as he would just wanna be on his Xbox or his phone then rather spend time with me and bond with the bump, again..tell me if I'm being over sensitive here but it got to me over the pregnancy that he just didn't change. He'd go the pub sometimes after work knowing I've been struggling during the pregnancy, emotionally and feeling sick. But on his side of things he has a very stressful job and works long hours so i know he needed his wind down time so I kept telling myself maybe he will change when the baby is born.
My son was born, very rapid and quick birth. He was good during the labour and the first 2 weeks of him being born he was back to being his old self and he was loving and compassionate and really good with the night feeds and helping out.
But after the 3rd week I wanna say of him being born he slipped back into his old ways. Always being on his phone not helping with the baby crying leaving it all to me. I do all the night feeds as he his up early to go to work so I said I'll do the night feeds so he can sleep but after being up all night and day with the baby I'm exhausted, and when he comes home from work he doesn't offer any help unless I say take the baby. He cries in his moses basket and I leave it a minute to see if he will even bother getting up and going to him and most of the time he doesn't, just stays on his phone or just carries on watching TV. I understand he has had a long day at work and needs to wind down but it takes 2 to make a baby and I feel like he just can't be bothered if I'm being honest leaving it all to me. And when he has the baby he just again half arses caring for him rather then trying different things to calm the baby down he just sits on the couch and has the baby just crying on him. I hate seeing my son cry and its infuriating after watching him just sit there not being bothered to at least try and calm the baby down. I feel like he just knows now I will take the baby and take over as I can't leave him to cry. When the baby is calm and awake just looking around rather then interacting with him and bonding with him he just sits him on his knee playing on his phone, another thing that winds me up.
I just don't know what to do or feel..I get it having a baby is hard work. He's not dealt with a newborn before, he came into me and my son's life when he was 5years old so he missed that period of time. And again he has a hard job which is tiring and long hours but still I feel like he doesn't care.
I just feel sad all the time and lonely, all honesty feels like I'm living with a roommate rather then a boyfriend.
Am I being over sensitive? Am I just being emotional and seeing things differently because of my hormones are all over the place? I just don't know. I love him and I know he loves me, he does show it sometimes but when I comes to the kids it's hard to get past these feelings.