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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 year on since the bombshell

8 replies

L666 · 08/06/2025 15:40

So it’s been 1 year on since my husband of (dating 12 years, married nearly 8, 2 kids, 2 dogs, mortgaged house) dropped the bombshell first in May, where I begged we try, to July where he actually left. Which turned out he was trying to persue someone else. That ended badly, and now they no longer speak. Have since heard he’s persuing the local loonie and she is pregnant with someone else’s baby (a junkie). But before all that, was scammed trying to get a prostitute. And where am I? I’ve tried my hardest to keep my shit the last year, I’ve never taken a day off work and trying to keep my house and kids above water. I do not speak to my ex at all because as he told our daughter I’m just a c**t. But here I am writing this with tears streaming down my face. I do not miss him 1 bit and through everything since he left me, I’m glad he did. But how do you get over this feeling of sadness, lowness, failure feeling. People say you will in time, but I can’t see it. I don’t know where I’m going to live and spend my life worrying about cars and money. Anytime I’m out, it’s only ever happy families you see. I never asked for any of this. I’m struggling more 1 year on than I did in the beginning.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 08/06/2025 15:48

You're not a failure. Failure would be taking him back. You're managing on your own.

Can you have a sit down and think about where you want to be in 12 months time and ask chatgpt for a plan to get there? Include a hobby, downtime for you.

reelcat · 08/06/2025 16:54

Look at it like a bereavement...it's been a year so all of the '1sts' birthdays, Christmas etc are out of the way. Things are still new/hard/changing but they WILL get better. Try and find something for you e.g a pet or a hobby. Yes focus on finances etc but also try and do little things that put a smile on your face. You can and you will get there 💐

Ohmeohmyohdear · 08/06/2025 17:20

You aren't a failure OP. You are doing so well - working so hard at your job and for your children.
He is the failure: a failure as a decent human being.
Things will get better and your strength and hard work will reap rewards - the love of your children and the respect of others. And eventually happiness for yourself.

IzzieadoraDuncan · 08/06/2025 22:51

I hear you. Just to post, stating your truth is a brave thing to do, even if it's a year later, your feelings are totally valid and many a woman has been in your shoes.

Try to look at all the positives over this year, the small steps you have made and hold your head up. You are not defined by a man of such low integrity.

Sending you all the best wishes @L666 onwards and upwards, away from scummy men like your ex. X

ohfourfoxache · 08/06/2025 22:55

Fucking hell, you’ve kept your head above water, supporting your wonderful kids, working throughout, not taking the weasel back, and you think you’re failing?

You sound absolutely bloody incredible. You’ve been through, and continue to go through, hell. But here you are getting through it. That doesn’t sound like failing to me x

TheSilentSister · 09/06/2025 00:03

You've got through the hard part OP and well bloody done. Don't stop now.
You mention 'where to live, cars and money'. This I know only too well. I had to cohabitate with my ex until my financial situation changed, for far too many years than I want to mention. Yet, I stayed resolved that one day I would be free.
I am free now and the past is history (well, I'm still recovering but it's all on the up). Your day will come.

gollyimholly · 09/06/2025 00:11

I genuinely think you've done so brilliantly. To not even take a day off work when your world has been turned on its head - you're inspiring and strong and a brilliant mum. If this is how you dealt with such a tricky time, there's only good things coming @L666

I'm sorry it has been such a tough year, but at least the grim person in your life is a thing of the past - that's a really good thing. You can have everything on your own terms with your home, your children, your future.

You are absolutely not a failure.
Sending internet love and flowers 💐💗

L666 · 09/06/2025 15:48

Thank to you all for your lovely replies. This group has helped me so much knowing I am not alone, in what feels like the loneliest time of my life.

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