How to find out if he is cheating?

[SaveAndEarnMoreMoney]

IDK if anyone has experience with this kind of thing but how would you go about finding out if you suspect your partner might be cheating?
Thanks

I'm not sure there's any point, tbh. If you're at the point when you're considering putting a tracker in his car, checking his messages or having him tailed, the relationship's fucked anyway - either because he's giving you good reason not to trust him, or because you don't have healthy boundaries or perspective and need to be single while you work on yourself.

If the trust is gone, it's gone. That's the end of the relationship, really. You don't need proof.

Truly wish I could help, but here’s something I can say about this: maybe just walk away.
I suspected my fiancé was cheating, and the relationship ended (with “the script”, basically.) I never did find out if he. cheated, and it bothered me for years. Until I finally realized that if he cheated, it’s his problem. As long as I am healthy (thank goodness, I didn’t get any nasty diseases from the arsehole), being free of a man I knew to be dishonorable was ultimately for the best.
it takes a long time to arrive at this place of emotional healing, but it’s worth considering - if you feel something is off, to the point where you’re wanting to know if he’s cheating, things aren’t healthy or good.

it may be time to cut your losses and leave.

I’m trying to help my friend who asked me this. She’s been with her DH for about 10 years, they have a DS who’s 8.5. Her DH is quite cold to her, she says she doesn’t feel like he cares about her, he never looks at her (she’s attractive) she joked that she could have food on her face and he’d not notice it. He’s only kinda nice when he wants them to have sex but they don’t do it very often, she says she has a higher sex drive than him. He’s about 10 years older than her. When she’s sick, he doesn’t seem to care, she had a car accident 3 years ago and I took her to the chiropractor, another friend was taking her DS to school, I helped her to get her confidence back behind the wheel, her DS didn’t even take a day off to care for her. She has asthma and had a few asthma attacks when her inhaler wasn’t working, he was telling her she didn’t need the ambulance. She called the ambulance and they told off her DH, said to her to call them any time she can’t breathe. You can’t see what goes on behind closed doors but she told me these things over the years. He gets her nice presents and says to her that he loves her, he’s supportive towards her interests and ambitions but she says he’s so cold to her most of the time. He doesn’t have conversations with her, goes to bed at 9pm every night and gets up early so he is gone by the time her and her son get up, even though he doesn’t need to leave so early. When they have a disagreement, he rolls his eyes at her, talks over her, shouts at her and accuses her of being aggressive. She told me this many times. He gives backhanded apologies, and holds grudges for days, gives her the silent treatment, and barely talks to her.
He’s self employed so she doesn’t know where he is during the day. He’s always has his phone on himself and even takes it with him to the loo. To me that definitely seems secretive. She says she leaves her phone lying around and her DH knows her screen lock passcode but she doesn’t know his. She says she always had this feeling that he has someone else and when he is with this other woman, he’s horrible to her but maybe they break up or he feels guilty and then he’s nice to her. She never tried finding it out but she says he’s been particularly cold and impossible to connect with over the last few months and she doesn’t know what to do. It’s impossible to talk to him, he’s always ‘busy’ or ‘tired’.
I feel sad for her, she doesn’t deserve this. She says she wants to know the truth so she can make a decision.

There are a million ways ranging from snooping to hiring someone to full on psycho and probably illegal stalking.

But, the above posters are completely right. None of this is going to help you, or make you feel better or fix your relationship if the trust is gone. He’s obviously doing something that is making you feel uncomfortable and lose trust in him. Why do you need something more than that to walk away?

Edited in light of your update - you need to convince her that she doesn’t need proof that he’s an arsehole. He’s handing that to her on a plate every single day. That’s enough for her to leave. And what if she goes looking and finds out he’s not cheating but is just a shit partner? What then? Will she feel like she’s got no option but to keep accepting his breadcrumbs?

Maybe if she feels she wants to know the truth, she should just come out and say all of this to him. Sounds suspicious to me personally, but I could be wrong. She's obviously unhappy, based on what you've said, so either way the truth may hurt. At least she'll know what to do then though!

Yep, I agree, you’d expect consistency from your partner. She says they have no banter, no romance, it sounds like they just live in the same house together. Or worse. She says she doesn’t even think he likes her. Surely he’d have left by now if he didn’t like her, no? She thinks he’s with her because they have DS. She says their finances are complicated and he brings in most of the money, she couldn’t afford to live without him. He is ex fire services and he gets a pension from there plus he has income from being a plumber. She works 2 days per week in a nursery, and they have done properties that they rent out so there’s some income from that too, I understand it’s not a lot of profit. But all the mortgages are on her name for these rented out properties so she’s worried about having a huge debt although if I understand it correctly, the properties’ rent pays for the mortgages.
I have no idea how this would be split if they got divorced though, and she says she’s also worried about DH taking DS from her or taking him 50-50.
I’ve not been in this situation and not sure how to help her best.

She tried, his response was first ‘no, I’d not do that to you!’ second time: getting angry and saying ‘I’m working all the time, when do you think I’d have time to do that?’
She said during arguments he said to her before that she should find herself someone else!
Is that because he’s found himself someone else?!

She says their finances are complicated and he brings in most of the money, she couldn’t afford to live without him Her finances are not so complicated that a chat with a financial advisor or an accountant couldn’t sort them out. And what would she do if she found concrete proof that he was cheating? Would she somehow manage then? Or would she turn a blind eye to his cheating so she could keep the lifestyle? And if she wouldn’t turn a blind eye and would find a way to manage, then she can find a way to manage now.

I mean, what she does is obviously up to her, but if he’s like this now, I think she needs to consider the possibility that the decision might well be taken out of her hands if he decides to leave her. I think I would encourage her to speak to a solicitor who could advise her on what she might be entitled to if they separated. Just to convince her that people with far more complicated situations divorce every day. Once she’s realised that she wouldn’t be cast into abject poverty, maybe encourage her to do the Freedom Project.

She said during arguments he said to her before that she should find herself someone else!
Is that because he’s found himself someone else?! I’d say he was either cheating or he’s fallen out of love with her. Those are not the words of someone in a happy relationship.

She needs to think about what she’s going to do once she has the answer. Is she saying that the way he treats her now is fine and she would stay but if she finds out he’s cheated she’d leave? To a certain extend the reason why he is acting this way is almost irrelevant. The issue is that he is acting this way.
It sounds like she needs to take some steps, see a solicitor, look at their finances etc. make some enquiries so if she does decide to leave at a later date she could. (Ducks in a row to quote MN).
To answer your actual question though, she could put a trackable device in the boot of his car, iPad, AirPods etc.

I suggested phone tracking to her but she said he has Android and she is an iPhone user, she says she can’t even turn his phone on.
I’m an iPhone user too so can’t even help her with that.
She says stress makes things bad but when there’s just a ‘normal’ level of stress, things are ok. He’s had a lot on this year, his parents are old and sick and had to move in to assisted living. They used to live 3 hours away from them and his father had the ambulance out something like 4-5x in a month. He’d go there every time, thinking it might be the last time he gets to see him. He dealt with the purchase of the new place, the sale of their house, even packing up their old house, while he also was working doing his job as a plumber and working on one of their properties which is 4-5 hours away the other direction. She was holding the fort at home, doing 2 jobs and organising the works for trades on this property 4-5 hours away, dealing with the communication with trades, estate agents, looking after their DS, 4 pets, she gets migraines too and has a number of health issues.
I think they just have a lot on and they both deal with stress in a different way. She wants to talk about it, he wants some quiet. I can understand both.
He always brings her and DS little presents wherever he goes, he calls them and she calls him every day, he just gets defensive if she says something to him that he doesn’t like, and blows things up into a big argument. I don’t know the details but that’s the gist of what she says.
To me it sounds like they are not good with dealing with stress and they seem to have a lot of that this year.

I’ve recently thought the same, couldn’t work out if I was going mad or it’s was all a coincidence, so I kind of played the long game as I had them both on wats app and saw what I thought was a pattern, I pulled him up on it not saying who it was last week, on the Monday she blocked me… I decided and told him that if it was true, which he’s denying then more fool him, I sat back and watched what he did and do I still think this ? Not 💯 either way , but
something doesn’t add up , he’s sworn that it’s not but it will unfold and now he’s the one that’s worried what I’m doing, and if he has he will have been squirming , for me too coincidental to get blocked. Tomorrow we’re going the pub she does tomorrow he doesn’t know yet I’m just going to suggest it why were out and if it’s true I’ll make them both squirm and walk the hell away with my head held high.
I don’t need a man, I may have a want , but a need no and it will be his loss.

If they go to loo a lot and take phone

I don’t think my friend suspects a specific person - she doesn’t know if he’s cheating or who he is cheating with.
I hope your DH comes out clean and it all works out for you!