I'm going to post this here, I'll post the original post below the update but I'm updated because I had alot of comments, some nice some fear mongering but overall people worried, I've seen post in the past that I would continue to think about , wondering the outcome so...
I've spent some time thinking, lots of time talking to my partner, I had gone and booked into the online version of the freedom programme, I had just recently started counselling/cbt/ Trauma therapy, wrapped into one, so I'm continuing with that anyway, I also have got extra resources of them to work on in my own time also. My partner hadn't fully thought anything through, I told him it would have been selfish of me to keep my reservations to myself, he agreed and actually after some hesitation. Understood what I was saying, I encouraged him, as he was relcutant, to call and speak to his mum, he's resolving issues with her, she has welcomed him home, when he's ready, we have made the joint decision to separate, it's going to sting all of us especially my poor little girl. It's for the best. We haven't decided on the time. My dd is having dental surgery in just under a week, which originally he was going to attend with me, we haven't decided to tell her before hand and he goes on his way, or wait until after, but wouldn't want to tell her in the first few days she's recovering, still undecided. I've been quite low he's been taking over the house hold stuff a bit more to help but generally been so lovely. Dd is at my mums tonight for the night, we are going to spend some time enjoying each other's company, and trying to figure out a timeline.
"I’m in a fairly new relationship. We knew each other online for years but only met in person a few months ago. After some on-and-off periods, he moved in with me and my daughter. He left his family to do that — they’ve cut him off for it — so I know that means something. But I keep having thoughts like, “Should he really live here?” and “Am I better off alone so I can focus on myself and my child?”
I love him, but I’m also constantly overwhelmed.
Right now:
My daughter is out of school due to special needs and issues with her school’s safeguarding
I’m mentally and physically burned out, trying to hold everything together
I feel like I never get proper alone time or space to reset
I’m often irritated around him for no clear reason, even if he’s not doing anything wrong
I only feel physically close during ovulation — the rest of the time I’m emotionally shut down
He helps with the house when I ask, but I carry most of the mental load
We both have trust issues due to things that happened between us before
He says he has doubts too, but he came back because he wanted to build something with me and my daughter. I don’t want to lose him, but I feel disconnected, and I don’t know how to tell what’s burnout vs. what’s a sign that this isn’t working.
Has anyone else been in this in-between place — loving someone, but not sure if being together is helping or hurting right now?
How do you figure out what you actually need when everything feels too full to think clearly?"