I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed and just need to share this.
My husband and I initially agreed not to have children. But after seeing our friends and family have babies/ talk about babies and having gone through three abortions with my husband my desire to become a mother grew stronger. I tried to talk to him about it, but he remained firm in his stance, mainly due to his environmental concerns. The last abortion was particularly difficult for me, both physically and emotionally, and I promised myself I wouldn't go through it again.
When he offered to get a vasectomy, I asked him to delay it, hoping we could find a way to honor his values while leaving the possibility of parenthood open. The responsibility for contraception has always fallen on me since he does not particularly like wearing condoms but I always made it clear that I didn’t want to face another abortion.
Now, I’m pregnant again. When I told him, his immediate response was that I should have an abortion. I told him I didn’t want one and wanted to keep the baby. His response that he felt betrayed was deeply hurtful because I never deceived him about how I felt. It was a shared mistake, not just mine.
When I told him that if I went through with an abortion, it would be for him, not for me, and he was okay with it, it made me question if my needs would ever come before his environmental values. Eventually, he agreed to keep the child, but it felt reluctant. This has been exhausting and isolating. I want to feel happy about keeping our child, but I can’t, not with the emotional distance.
Recently, he has started communicating more. He says that having a child requires a lot of planning and effort, and since we didn’t plan for this, he thinks I should seriously consider abortion. He believes the child’s well-being depends on both parents wanting it, and he’s not sure he can be fully on board. He’s said he will support me either way, but I fear that he will always bring up this decision and make me feel guilty for having a child he wasn’t sure about.
My gynecologist has advised against another abortion, especially given my age (32) and hypothyroidism, which could affect my health and future fertility. Given all this, I want to keep the child, but my husband thinks I’m being selfish.
I’m an emotional wreck right now. The pressure to make the right decision, the fear of resentment, and the lack of full support from him are overwhelming. I’m stuck between wanting to honor my desire to be a mother while protecting my body and dealing with his doubts. I just don’t know how to move forward, and it’s taking a huge toll on me