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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cheating ex, neuro kids and pending divorce

13 replies

Mrspinknails · 06/06/2025 10:53

Ive posted many many times about my cheating ex of 27 years. The lies, gaslighting calling me mad, weird, paranoid, making me change meds before catching them both red handed.
i filed for divorce the next day after catching him. Hes been awful to me via text. Throwing things up from years ago , having digs at me. I wouldn't mind but jt was him who did the bad shit..not me.
Im.still waiting in the 6 month cooling off period and can apply for my conditional offer in a few weeks.
He is still with the ow who also had children. Im always shocked thwt another woman can do thiw knowing there are children involved.

My children are still getting counselling. I've been diagnosed with ptsd and waiting for edmr.

I just need to know there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'll find happiness again. My youngest has chicken pox and is so ill. Ive not slept at all which makes me feel so much worse.

OP posts:
Monster6 · 06/06/2025 10:56

Didn’t want read and run OP. Sending good thoughts, and strength. Sounds absolutely horrendous. There are better times ahead for you and your kids…

NimbleTiger · 06/06/2025 11:31

Sorry this is happening but YES there is sunshine and rainbows once all this is done.
You're tired and dealing with the problems that have arisen whilst coping with the trauma of what has happened to you over the years. Please change your mindset re the OW and your husband this is who he is, she is irrelevant. Be happy he is no longer your problem and she will be in the same position at some point.Concentrate on yourself and what/where you are doing/going. It's damn hard and you will have lots of revelations that come to mind (lightbulb moments) as you progress but you will be fine, breathe and just take it day by day and focus on your self care. Big hugs

Mrspinknails · 06/06/2025 11:47

NimbleTiger · 06/06/2025 11:31

Sorry this is happening but YES there is sunshine and rainbows once all this is done.
You're tired and dealing with the problems that have arisen whilst coping with the trauma of what has happened to you over the years. Please change your mindset re the OW and your husband this is who he is, she is irrelevant. Be happy he is no longer your problem and she will be in the same position at some point.Concentrate on yourself and what/where you are doing/going. It's damn hard and you will have lots of revelations that come to mind (lightbulb moments) as you progress but you will be fine, breathe and just take it day by day and focus on your self care. Big hugs

He was ok ( if a little but crap) for most of our relationship. I just got tired if carrying him. She probably wont need to carry him so they'll probably be all rosy.

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 06/06/2025 13:16

Switch to a parenting app and block him on everything else.
Focus on you and the kids.
Divorce process is hard. Sounds like he's always been a cunt and that won't change.
However, you're heading to a world where you can give zero fucks about him. It will get better! 🤗

angelinawasrobbed · 06/06/2025 13:18

If he's accusing you of stuff, he wants your attention. Or to validate himself by making you out to be the bad guy.

he'll be desperate for a response. Your best revenge is not to give him one.

Mrspinknails · 06/06/2025 13:38

angelinawasrobbed · 06/06/2025 13:18

If he's accusing you of stuff, he wants your attention. Or to validate himself by making you out to be the bad guy.

he'll be desperate for a response. Your best revenge is not to give him one.

Its just a bloody cheek. Hes brining up all sorts of shit from years ago...it triggers me all over again. He is the bad guy in this. The ow even got my kods sweets during their affiar and he lied about a bloke at work buying them. He sat in the evening in our home watching our children eat them knowing where they came from. I bet they both laughed at the lie he told me.

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 06/06/2025 15:39

@Mrspinknails

He is a total arsehole however you have to rise above.
Don't respond to his shit in any way.
He wants to hurt you.
Have a cry in private but as far as he's concerned show that you've never been better. It will do his head in. 🤗

OchreRaven · 06/06/2025 16:12

Mrspinknails · 06/06/2025 11:47

He was ok ( if a little but crap) for most of our relationship. I just got tired if carrying him. She probably wont need to carry him so they'll probably be all rosy.

Why do you think she won’t need to carry him? He’s not changed. He’s the same person. Has the ability to lie, cheat and gaslight. At the moment he’s still directing this bad behaviour towards you. As others said he wants your attention. Do you know what will really hurt him? If he’s irrelevant to you.

Let him direct all his bad behaviour towards his new woman because they won’t get a rise out of you anymore.

Mrspinknails · 06/06/2025 16:13

Why does he want to hurt me. He knows he already did with the cheating...why add more hurt? I dont understand.

OP posts:
Mrspinknails · 06/06/2025 16:41

OchreRaven · 06/06/2025 16:12

Why do you think she won’t need to carry him? He’s not changed. He’s the same person. Has the ability to lie, cheat and gaslight. At the moment he’s still directing this bad behaviour towards you. As others said he wants your attention. Do you know what will really hurt him? If he’s irrelevant to you.

Let him direct all his bad behaviour towards his new woman because they won’t get a rise out of you anymore.

Because they dont have children together. She's divorced too so as long as he isn't as shit as her ex she'll thjnk shes won a prize...a cheating lying prize still.

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 06/06/2025 18:02

Mrspinknails · 06/06/2025 16:13

Why does he want to hurt me. He knows he already did with the cheating...why add more hurt? I dont understand.

Because you have dumped him. You must be punished.

Mrspinknails · 06/06/2025 19:37

S0j0urn4r · 06/06/2025 18:02

Because you have dumped him. You must be punished.

But then I got the whole...i havnt been happy fot ages etc and he wanted to leave but didnt know how to which is odd considering I told him numerous times during arguments that he could leave if he wanted but he said he wanted to stay and loved me still ( and still had sex with me!!)

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 07/06/2025 10:07

@Mrspinknails
You're expecting his behaviour to make sense.

It won't.
He will bend the world inside out so he doesn't come off as the bad guy.
The fact you are stressing so much over his every word is exactly what he wants.
You are separating.
You no longer need to give even the smallest fuck about him.

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