What have I done? (long - sorry!)

[Pinkjenny]

Slightly self pitying title, but hoping someone can help me move past this.

After I had dd, I was feeling relatively low, as most new mums are, and went to a local Starbucks for some much needed sanity. There I happened to start talking to a lady, who had a dd four days younger than mine. We immediately bonded, and struck up what I thought, was a wonderful friendship.

We would text each other all week, and meet up without fail every week for a chat and to juggle lattes and babies. She was such a good friend, and gave me so much support throughout the first six months of dd's life. I hope I did the same for her. I knew from our many lengthy heart to hearts that she had suffered from depression and emotional problems in the past, and sometimes we discussed it, sometimes we didn't. I offered a lot of shoulders to cry on, and she did the same for me when I was finding being a new mum hard. I did try to make sure that she knew that I was there for her, but I couldn't pretend that I had experienced similar issues in my life or my childhood. We were so close that I asked her to be dd's godmother, although I knew that the christening wouldn't be until this summer. She was thrilled and accepted immediately.

The last time I saw her was just before Christmas. We exchanged gifts, and everything seemed fine.

Then she just stopped contacting me. She sent me a text saying, 'I can't be L's godmother. I can't commit to this at the moment, I have too much going on, please ask one of your close friends to do it'. I texted her back and she said, 'I've got a lot going on, please can we just leave it for now'.

Maybe I handled it wrong, naively, but I carried on texting her, not often, maybe once a fortnight, just saying hi or whatever, just so that she knew I was still there for her, but she never replied.

Our dd's have turned one over the past week, and I sent her dd a card. She text me last night, saying, 'Thanks for the card, I hope L had a good birthday. However, to be truthful, I don't want you to ever get in touch with me again. I really feel we have nothing in common anymore and would like to leave it there'.

I am so upset. I can't think of one singlt cross word between us. I value my friendships particularly as I am an only child. I am just devastated and feel like the unpopular kid in the playground.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

Sorry - had to dash to a meeting!

Thanks for all your wise words. No response to the msg, so I guess I'll just have to chalk it up to experience and accept that some people come in and go out of your life.

it might be embarassment on her part., she might have regretted talking so much about her past with you... she might be feeling much better now and wanting to cut off from people who know too much

am sure it is nothing you have done, you always come across as a sensitive and thoughtful person.

sometimes people outgrow each other, painful as it is.

you got each other through a difficult year or so, and now she is ready to move on.

try not to dwell on it.. it is good she is not L's godmother... as clearly her heart would not have been in it.

she may have also found it hard to say no to such a big thing as being a godmother, she may have felt it was too big a deal.

you might never get to the bottom of what happened, but it seems likely it is not your fault.

Perhaps you are a reminder of what she's not and she may well resent you for that, perhaps her dh has aske that you shouldn't be friends. Without talking you'll never know. I would write a leeter and not text, saying something like 'I repect your decision, although I ma confused as I really valued our friendship. I positive positive about the friendship and so if you ever need me, so on.

PJ difficult one really. All I can say from personal experience is that when you have babies friendships defo change people I thought were really good friends have no contact with me anymore and even people I met and bonded with really well while pregnant and for the first few months of A's life just stopped contacting me.

It is hurtful and I cant say I have not shed a few tears over what I thought were good friendships. It would seem sadly that sometimes these things happen and no matter how good a friend you are friendships just die and not necessarily for any reason, although in this case I would think it sounds a little bit like depression. You have done the right thing saying you are there if she needs you.

Chalk it up to experience.

PinkJenny, I feel so for you. The only good thing is that you know where you stand but it can be hard when you have no idea what you have meant to have done. In reality, you have probably done nothing and it is her issues.

I have recently lost 2 friends, who I thought were good, but the way they handled our problem showed me I was wrong and are better off without them. Doesn't make it any easier when I have to see them most days and I don't have a surplus of friends.

I hope you meet someone else very soon who will be a good, long standing friend.

Thanks everyone. I hope she deals with whatever is going on, and I'm sure there is lots of truth in all that you have said.

She did tell me some pretty heavy personal things, maybe her life has turned upside down for some reason, but whatever, I wish her well.

And still hope she's not a MNer!