Husband has gone

[Wineoclockinwales]

I can’t quite believe it’s now my turn to write one of these threads but I’ve seen how supportive you guys can be over the years. He has confessed to chatting to someone he used to work with and using dirty sites for god knows what.
21 years married, 3 grown up children but one still at home finishing her A levels and boom!

You must be in shock but what a selfish wanker, especially with your DD doing exams. Do let school know so she gets extra consideration due to circ’s.
Do you have support - friends or family?
Also, get your ducks in a row, as MN advises, and gather financial information.

Chatting to someone he used to work with?

Sending hugs 💐

Yeah chatting on Snap chat he did tell me her name but I was a bit floored to hear it

I’ve called my parents and my sister. They will be with me tomorrow as I don’t live near home anymore, we moved for his work.

I have support, I am very lucky to be surrounded by strong woman in my family including our daughters

What an absolute c**t he is! I'm sorry OP 💐💕💕

did he just flounce on account of chatting with this woman?

Well bloody course it is. Chatting my arse, shagging more like. What an absolute fool he is, so many of them around though

He said chatting to her and they used to work together some 2.5years ago. This past year he has been working at a different company on the same industrial estate, so I doubt very much it’s just chatting. I wasn’t born yesterday.
He confessed because our daughter saw a snap chat notification pop up on his phone when it was on charge and she swiped to see the notification as she knew that 50+ men don’t use Snapchat.

"He confessed because our daughter saw a snap chat notification pop up on his phone when it was on charge and she swiped to see the notification as she knew that 50+ men don’t use Snapchat."

Jesus, so you can't even shield your daughter from this until her exams are over. What a selfish, selfish man.

I’m so sorry. What a horrible shock. I’m glad you’ve got some good support coming and honestly you and the ladies in your life sound awesome. Someone will always be here if you want a chat or advice.

Sorry your on this situation.

Did you ask him to leave? Or did he go on his own?.

Did he leave you or did you throw him out? So sorry you are going through this. He’s an absolute idiot.

Chatting to someone / having some illicit sex isn’t a love story and he’ll soon realise what a big mistake he has made even if he’s not secure enough in himself to admit it.

His children have lost respect for him forever. Everything he’s spent his life building- his family, his reputation, his finances are going to come crashing down all because he liked his ego (and other bits) stroked.

You will be ok. You’re allowed to be devastated. But you can live in the knowledge that you never harmed your family for your own selfish desires.

Good character is not something you can have only when people are looking.

Don’t think I’ve slept a wink, but that’s to be expected. He left because I told him to go. He didn’t make a fuss just looked sad and pathetic because he has been caught.

Understandable you can’t sleep, you are still in shock.

Has he even apologised or does he not think the ‘chatting’ was wrong?

What did the message your daughter saw say?

What’s your gut saying? Do you want to know the extent of it or are you done with him regardless?

You don’t need to make any decisions right now. You just need to process everything and lean on those people that love you and treat you with respect and kindness.

It doesn't have to mean the end if you both want to remain in a relationship.
It's hard, really hard and takes a long time to feel normal, you basically have to build new relationship.

Yeah I have heard people have been able to work through this but I think I deserve peace of mind and as someone said above , good character

My gut is saying I’ve been on Mumsnet too long, he will try to minimise this and I need to remember recent conversations with my girlfriends about change in intimacy and some weird comments he has made to me if a friend of his has innocently posted on my social media- think mutual friend of 25 years saying ‘ looks a nice day out’ nothing dodge

Sorry not sure I understand? You think he is having an affair with a mutual friend. Or you think this friend knew about the affair?

I think the mutual friend probably knew and he was panicking that mutual friend was in contact with me

I see. Have you heard from him today? Are your family with you?

He had messaged to confirm where he will be staying for the next few days and to arrange collecting some things from home. I will make sure I am out when he gets here. I can check on the ring doorbell for him leaving so we won’t accidentally meet

OP really sorry to hear this. Bloody sucks. WTF was he thinking? Not at all right or fair. Sounds like he was caught out and hard as it is, your future self might one day thank you for taking the harder road of essentially you’ve made your bed…it’s over.
Just hoping in time, whatever way it goes, that you will be able to rebuild a wonderful life with lots of new adventures. Christ knows you and others in a similar situation deserve it.
Know you might not feel it but think you are handling a really difficult (understatement) situation well.