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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mental torture

4 replies

Coffeeloveer · 05/06/2025 21:47

Please can anyone help…

I don’t know where to start… Been with DP for the last 12 years on and off have 2 kids one being a baby. The last few years he hasn’t been able to stay in one weekend he goes out and doesn’t come back until the next day. This has become so normal. I know it’s not but it has just been the way we have been living .. I’ve not been able to understand why it is simply impossible for him to stay in once. Cut a long story short I’ve found out he’s addicted to cocaine which has become increasingly worse letting down family events, date nights etc not going in work etc. in a nutshell I’m done with the relationship I do not wish to be with a drug addict he wasn’t this way when I first met him I have never took drugs myself. We are on a joint tenancy with housing association and he just refuses to leave I’ve took his keys off his keyring and refused to let him in but he guilt
trips me into letting him back in sayinf he’s sorry he loves me he has a problem and wants to get help I end up worried about him because he looks so ill from all the drugs and let him in scared he’ll do something stupid sleeping in his car. What do I do how do I move on he isn’t getting help and it’s just getting worse I don’t want my kids or myself in this environment but also feel guilty turning my back on someone who’s blatantly unwell. He starts on a Friday after work and by Saturday morning I’ve kicked him out he goes back out and doesn’t come back until Sunday night looking like he’s at deaths door crying etc I don’t know what to do please help

OP posts:
NimbleTiger · 05/06/2025 22:04

It's a repetitive circle. You can't keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result ?
Give him an ultimatum stop enabling him when he returns all sad and sorry get mad not sad ..... you know what you need to do get your big girl pants on and do it. You can't fix him or save him...... save yourself and your children TODAY !!! Hugs

Wolfiefan · 05/06/2025 22:06

You can’t fix him.
But he can break you.
You need to make a once and for all plan. Get legal advice. You can’t have this round your kids.

Slowlylosingmymind123 · 05/06/2025 23:40

My ex was a cocaine addict. It just gets worse and he became really abusive too. He took out loans in my name to pay for it. Even made me think he was terminally ill so that I would feel sorry for him and lend him money. I lost so much because of him. Please leave and keep you and your children safe

Catoo · 06/06/2025 00:29

I’m sorry OP. This sounds like a horrible situation.

You have to break up with him. Speak to your landlord about getting him off the tenancy. If they won’t, how much notice do you need to give to leave? Because the next step is finding somewhere else go with your children. Speak to Women’s Aid about practicalities of doing this.

Put them first now. They should not grow up seeing a father behave like this. You can’t fix him. He has to do that himself. And he isn’t going to do it while you live with him picking up the pieces all the time.

💐

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