Please some advice

[Jetflash]

Hi I'm really in need of some advice please I'm in a relationship past 1 and half years now my other half always accuses me of cheating yet we spend everyday together if we not stopping over at each others house we video call at night time when kids are in bed and go sleep after the 1hour call we message through the day and night once.kids been picked up from school he thinks if.i.dont reply within the hour I'm sleeping around even though I don't go out don't have friends or a social life I don't drink or smoke I stay home with my kids every night sometimes he stays over with his 2girls. He.can ignore me for 3 days and it's ok not allowed to ask why or nothing if we have a disagreement he ends it with me calls me horrible names really cruel names screams and shouts at me gets angry never raised his hand though just gets very agreesive with his tone and words and actions he doesn't treat my kids the same as his own as I said they should all be treated equally with the same love and respect he doesn't agree. He does have a temper but never hit me. And that scares.me incase he does because he told me he went jail when he used to drink because he hit his ex girlfriend but that was in the past and he was a drinker back then so it scares me but I hold on to hope he wouldn't. I love him to pieces when we first got together I had both exs messaging me saying he is abusive stay away he is a cheat a lier and he accused them constantly one.of them is the kids mum and he denys any of it saying they trying cause trouble but the 2 exs don't even get on or speak to each other but tell me the same stories. I'm not allowed social media fb ect if anyone messages me he reads them questions me if I pop over my sisters I have send proof to him that I'm with her like a quick video call it's braking my heart as I love him with all my heart but I.dont know what to do I've told him how I feel lots of times and he says sorry he will change as doesn't want loose me but he will be nice.for 3 days then back to how he normally is again he smokes a spliff every night I.dont but then I get moaned at because I vape please help me with some advice.

Jeez, this is classic projection /bullying / coercive control. Get tf out of there before it gets any worse. He sounds awful.

Why are you still with him? I honestly can't see one good thing about him in anything you've written.

Dump him.

You and your children are not safe around this man. End it, in the most calmest way

Need to throw this one back and quickly. Red flags flying in your face pay attention. Love bombed you got you hooked now you're scrambling about confused with the push and pull. He's controlling you whilst he pleases himself. Heed the warnings from the TWO exs they're trying to save you from a miserable and possibly violent relationship. Hugs

JFC why are you bringing a violent abusive criminal into your kids lives?

You know he’s a controlling abusive cunt so why the fuck are you wasting your life on this loser?

Is having a man so important that you’re prepared to tolerate being a complete doormat?

What are you doing?

You've only been with him a year and a half so you don't really know him. Two of his exes have separately warned you that he's abusive. He went to prison for physical abuse. He's very, very controlling.

His behaviour will escalate and you may not be as lucky as his ex who survived. You need to get yourself out of this situation asap as you're with a very dangerous man.

You can contact the National Domestic Abuse helpline or Refuge webchat for advice.

OMG OP!! Re read your post to yourself. The only advice you need is to listen to your gut, his behaviour, his exes and to look out for your dcs.
By your account this man is possessive, jealous, a bully, uses coercive control and verbal abuse. He's also used been physically abusive in the past.
You're scared he might turn back to alcohol and may hit you like in the past? Why risk it?

You've got dcs. Protect them from this arsehole. Dump him. Take care of yourself and your family. Lucky escape.

This man is controlling your life. This is not love. Love is taking care of each other, honesty and being there to support one another.
I imagine that your self confidence and happiness has decreased significantly and he is the reason why.
LTB...I can't stress this enough, before he totally destroys you.

Get out now whilst you still can

I am guessing you know what advice you will get about this horrific man.
Pack a bag now (or dont, if you dont have time). Stay with a friend / family member or in a refuge until you have enough distance from him to get some perspective. Never ever talk to him again. If he wants access to kids, use a parenting app. He is scum but will try anything to drag you back and trap you

It is bullying and controlling i do see that in reality I have just been holding on hoping he would change time after time keep thinking he will this time but it doesn't happen and like now he is texting me saying sorry it won't happen again he is sorry for making me feel like crap and knows I would never hurt him. My mum passed away on the 9th April I lay her to rest on the 22nd may I was very close to my mum she was my best friend and he accuses me of cheating when.i go visit her grave makes me feel like I.carnt even sit there with my mum without having to send a video or photo where I am I just don't think he will change i think in my head I've spent nearly every single day with him since we got together and I'm used to it all now but I don't think I deserve to put up with it. X

Do you think it's normal for someone to demand videos of you visiting your mum's grave?

You've had a warning from two ex's and he went to prison for abuse - he's not going to change for the better.

Get out now. He is abusing and controlling you. The fact he has not hit you is one small thing but his behavior is appalling.

Please prioritize yourself and your kids and get away from this man.

He’s not going to change OP - being a controlling, violent abusive cunt is who he is

Hes already assaulted previous partners, it rob the long until you get physically abused as well as emotionally.

Think of your DC please and get rid of this violent criminal before he ramps up the abuse .

Them get therapy to understand why you tolerated being treated like this. It’s so far from normal

This man should not be in your children’s lives. Period.

Get rid of him and put the emotional, mental and physical safety of your children and yourself first.

And him accusing you of cheating is the LEAST of your problems.

You're just the latest in the line of women he's abused.

Just think about it - all the things he says and does to you, he did to them. He never changed for them, they got out instead. He won't change for you either.

And you have your kids to think about, with this abusive man coming into their lives. You need to put them first.

Love isn't more important than your kids.

I’m very sorry for the loss of your mother. This man is a danger to your children and is destroying you. You need to walk away.

If you’re feeling lonely and short of support in life generally, do you have other family, friends or colleagues you can reach out to? If not, then there will be local groups you can join, perhaps including a local church.

Children first always.

The number of mnetters who shack up with unsuitable and dangerous partners is terrifying. It's like some women are obsessed with being in a relationship and want a partner at any cost.

You need to be extremely choosy before you start dating because in some instances your and your children's lives will depend on it.

Absolutely agree. It’s terrifying and depressing the amount of women out there so desperate for any man in their bed that they bring these abusive scumbags into their kids lives without a second thought.

And the script is always the same ‘I love him, when it’s good it’s amazing, he’s so kind and caring but…….then a list of more red flags that a communist party rally.

People do not change very easily or quickly. He has shown you who he is now so end it.

Contact the national domestic abuse charity for guidance on how to get out safely.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/sample-online/home.php

Well done on not letting him move in with you, he sounds like the type to move in by stealth.

I'm so sorry about your mum. You deserve support and compassion at this time. This is not it. This is abuse. Please end this relationship. You can let him know remotely. That's fine. He's had enough chances and enough of your time. Please concentrate on yourself. He has no idea how to conduct a relationship or treat a partner and you're never going to change that, however hard you try. Save your efforts. What other support have you got or would you like more of?

This man is controlling and is no good for you listen to what every one is saying and get out Now He will not change.