Seeking motherly advice

[QuickCyanQuail]

I would love some advice on how to tell my parents that I'm sexually active. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!!!
Long story short - My periods have gotten all weird since I started an over-the-counter birth control, essentially behind my parents' backs. I have an upcoming gyno appointment so I'm good there, but am feeling uneasy about letting my religious parents know I am currently on birth control, and plan to continue using birth control.
Realistically, I would want to casually mention to my mom that I've become sexually active, and birth control is the step I want to take to be sexually responsible, and that I'm thinking about asking the gynecologist about some options - technically not a lie, but would also have to admit that I am having sex. Yikes!
From your perspective, what would be the best way to tell my parents I am sexually active? Should I tell them at all? Would telling them be more hurtful then helpful to our relationship? How do I approach the conversation?
For more context: My partner (20M) and I (20F) have been together for over six months. When we started having sex, I started taking an over-the-counter birth control (Opill, which is progestin-only) because I want safe, healthy sex always, and I have some friends who love it.
I've had other sexual partners in the past, but they've all been women, and this has been the first relationship I needed to worry about contraception on top of STI prevention. It's also the first relationship my parents are aware of, and the first partner of mine my whole family has met.
The other big reason I started Opill was because it was accessible. Since my parents are both very religious, they believe sex should be saved for marriage (which is a value I understand and deeply respect, but choose not to practice). Getting the OTC pill was easy since I didn't have to consult my parents or a gynecologist. It was really great for the first few months, until my period returned with a vengeance and is now very long and very painful.
Seeing a gynecologist and asking about better options along with getting a routine wellness exam was a no-brainer, and I have an appointment in about a month.
However, I texted my mom because I wanted some advice in what to look for in an gynecologist. All she knows is that my periods have suddenly become very painful and very irregular.
But I can't help but feel that my mom deserves to know that one of my reasons for visiting the gyno and a solution I'm looking for is to get on a different method of birth control. Many reasons for this, including that I'm still on their insurance, I don't want to have to pretend like it's not happening, and also - I have a history of "hiding" things from my parents when it was unsafe to be honest (I'm bisexual and wanted to leave the church, etc. lol) and my parents always tell me how upset they were that I didn't consult them first. Ugh, fair and valid.
But yeah, my dad genuinely believes sex before marriage is a sin equivalent to murder. Ever since the first time I mentioned my boyfriend, literally every conversation we have is about my "purity" and the importance of "including my parents in big decisions". This is why lying feels so wrong.
Its a very sensitive topic, so my question is what do I do?
Should I just wait until after my appointment, tell them my doctor recommended I start birth control, and just let them infer that means I will also be having sex? Do I let them know it's a decision I made on my own and risk upsetting and offending them? Do I pretend like I want their advice before "starting to have sex" with my partner?
Sorry if this is all over the place, but any advice would be amazing! Thanks and have a beautiful day.

Why on earth would you need to tell your parents?

You’re a twenty year old adult and you don’t have to inform your parents about any of this OP.

I don't think you need to tell your parents anything. Combined contraceptive pill would do both jobs of controlling periods and preventing pregnancy, so let them assume you're taking it for the former. Or the gynae may recommend eg coil or implant which would avoid the need for daily pills, so more reliable and less likely your parents will find out, as that's clearly a concern of yours
You have every right to make this decision to have pre marital sex. Your parents views are not yours.

I've never had a "routine wellness exam" gynaecologically. Are you not in the uk because those are not a thing in the uk where I am.

You don't need to tell your parents any of that. If your periods have become irregular and painful I'd go back to the GP who prescribed your contraception and get them to review it and switch to another. Or even better, use condoms for a while to see if it's the pill that caused the problems

I don’t understand why this is something you would need to share with them when you clearly don’t want to?

Speaking as a mother: don’t tell your parents. It is none of their business and they don’t have the mental or emotional bandwidth to take on issues outside of their narrow world view.

When your father starts talking to you about purity just say “ this is not up for discussion.”

I think it's fairly obvious OP isn't in the UK!
She mentions insurance, seeing a gynecologist (with American spelling) instead of a GP, and a quick Google tells me Opill is an OTC progesterone only pill in the USA.
Routine wellness exams for young women are definitely not done or needed in the UK, but in the money making US system, they are.

You are 20. You don't have to share anything like this with your parents. My children always did and asked for advice about things like birth control, but I didn't consider premarital sex to be on the same level as murder.

The only reason I think it can be good to share what medications you are on is, if there's a medical emergency, your parents can tell the paramedics what medications you are on. But that's unlikely and you have to weigh up the pros and cons of that.

As an adult you have a right to privacy and to make your own choices. Your values and choices don't have to agree with your parents.

I didn’t tell my parents, and done of my children have openly told me ( and I have grandchildren now ). My daughter had very painful periods and we discussed her going on the pill when the doctor suggested it. She wasn’t in a relationship at the time so sex didn’t come into it. But tbh I don’t feel it’s relevant for me to know.

you sound like you’re being sensible, if you were my daughter I would suggest you make sure you use a condom as well as pill, and to be very sure you really want to sleep with someone. I as a mum, would be upset if any of my children got a reputation as a bed warmer.

I had to mention it to my parents when I had a medical issue which could have been exacerbated by the pill I was on. Otherwise I had no need to mention it to them, and it was never mentioned again.

Especially given your parents’ views on sex before marriage, you don’t need to tell them anything. I’m sure they can use their imagination if you’re spending time alone with your BF.

You’re a fully grown adult you don’t need to tell your parents about your sex life. Just sort yourself out and carry on. Absolutely none of their business.

You’re a grown up woman this is a private matter for you, you partner and your doctor. I would never expect my daughters to tell me anything about their sex lives. They do occasionally confide in me but only because they absolutely know I will listen to them, not judge and only give advice if asked for.
i never confided in my own parents because I knew their response would always have been judgemental and painful, so I didn’t expose myself to it.

You don’t need to tell your parents. I don’t think any of us told our parents we were having sex. It sounds like you live somewhere where women’s healthcare is accessed via a gynocologist, not a GP. Like the US. In which case, it’s very normal to see one to tend to other issues, like smear tests or period issues. I’m not sure my parents had any idea I was going to the gynocologist (I grew up in the US) or on the pill. Just go, get it done, and don’t bring it up. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. It’s very normal and healthy. And you sound very sensible and responsible. But it’s your own personal health information that should be kept private between you and your partner.

I agree with the PP who said that you should also use a condom every time. This protects you from STD’s as well as careless/selfish lovers. If a partner won’t wear a condom he cares mire about himself than about you.

Parenthetically, if you are in the US ( and I am) look into an IUD or an implant because the Trump regime us extremely volatile and anti women’s rights so access to birth control may be revoked at any time.

You’re a 20 year old adult. You don’t need to tell your parents anything. Just because your parents have certain views and opinions on sexual relationships doesn’t make them correct. Do what works for you and stop worrying about what other people think of you.

You're an adult and your sex life is absolutely no-ones business but yours and your gynaecologist.

Yeah... As other posters have said, you're 20 in a relationship. I'd imagine your parents have guessed you're sexually active at this point

Just from my own experience I wouldn't tell them at all. My Mum was still telling me not to do it for months after I'd done it. It's not uncommon to prescribe the contraceptive pill for irregular periods, so if that's what you are given you can tell them just that, I was on the pill from the age of 16 though I didn't lose my virginity until well into my 17th year. They may not assume you are having sex if you are given the pill in an effort to regulate your periods. Omitting the truth is not lying and parents have no need to be involved in your sexual health.

I only read up to you being 20. You are a fully functioning adult. It’s got nothing to do with your parents and it’s totally weird that you would want to tell your parents that you’re sexually active. Just weird.

As all the other pp. None of your parents' business.

and the importance of "including my parents in big decisions". This is why lying feels so wrong. @QuickCyanQuail

Your parents have conditioned you to think they can disrespect your autonomy and that you are not a valid person in your own right.

You do not need to include your parents in any decisions you make, especially to do with your own body.

You can have sex or not, and you can have sex with whoever you want.

Anyone who says otherwise is trying to control, manipulate and abuse you.

Your parents don’t need to know anything about your sex life. It isn’t their business. Go to the doctor and get a prescription, don’t buy over the counter contraception. Simple.

Pretty sure if you're over 18 with a steady partner, your parents know you're having sex 👍

Given this is likely a US poster given the Redditisms, there isn't much point saying it's none of her parents' business - it clearly is important in the OP's culture

You are an adult, and as others say, there is no reason to tell your parents anything. It is none of their business. Your sex life and contraception is private and confidential between you, your partner and your healthcare professional.