It's two and a half years and now

[SugarPlumpFairyCakes]

I feel like the trauma is really biting me.

I just cannot understand the cruelty of my exh.

I think he's been having affairs throughout the entirety our marriage. I now know of three for sure.

Just the sheer unkindness. Actually plus the cruelty he showed me with verbal abuse and eventually one physical attack. The total blatant lies all the time. The adultery. The squandering of hundreds of thousands of pounds.

How could he? He just never seems bothered by his utter immorality and the impact it's had on my mental health. I will never be able to trust anyone ever again. I have friends but I don't even trust them really.

I just don't feel I will ever feel strong or recover from this. Even if someone is interested in me, (they're not so far)I won't permit it to develop because my exh was also full of declarations of love and adoration and yet he behaved so badly.

He even doesn't understand why I don't want to reconcile. He just doesn't see his cruelty. I never look to him for healing or anything like that but I am amazed by his casual statements that he'd like to reconcile. We co parent so have to communicate from time to time.

I feel like any healing is beyond me. And whilst I don't want to wallow or be filled with self pity, I catch myself having a small cry or being filled with darkest sadness or anger. I am shocked that someone could behave so badly for so long and hide it.

I've been here it takes hard work to heal and get back to some sort of semblance of yourself. Consider it a learning curve and dig deep to see why you stayed and missed the red flags ( there will have been lots ) it's a hard road but it does give you closure. there are lots of programmes available to help you move past this experience. I went on Qoura and found support through others who had experienced similar. My mantra was ...you can't control what other people do but you can control your reaction..... once I moved my focus to me and not him/her and their behaviour things slowly improved 💯 my life is amazing now and that situation is firmly in the past and you can do the same once you decide to step forward trust will come both in your decisions and recognising a good one from a meh one. Hugs

Have you seen a proper therapist? Not just counselling, a serious psychotherapist. There is a lot to talk through. It sounds very hard .

Been there. Couldn’t stand the injustice of him moving on with his life happy as anything meanwhile my mental health was in the toilet bowl. I couldn’t get over it until I had therapy. Not CBT, actual talking therapy. I paid for this privately.

I guess I will look into professional help. I have had counselling before and found it not helpful really.

He's not happy. Hates that he's out of family life now but that was his choice. I couldn't care less how happy he is. But I am so afraid of other people and if they trick and lie and hurt me. So I don't want to bother which is a shit life.

Have you ever completed the freedom programme? Learning more about domestic abuse might help you better understand what has happened to you, and could help you to process it. I’d also recommend working with a therapist.