AIBU to be angry with my husband who decided to buy a big desk for a small room?

[Ekitty]

We are family of three - my husband, my son (one months old) and I. We rented small one bedroom flat (23 square meters) before baby was born. Obviously, it’s extremely small space for all of us that’s why we decided to move to bigger flat (also one bedroom, 50 square meters). I thought, “Hurray finally we will have some space we desperately needed”. However, my husband has already planned how he will use that space. He ordered big standing desk for him to work. When I say big I mean 180 x 80cm with 3 computer screen. He says he needs it after so many years working at the kitchen table. I think it’s unreasonable for a few reasons. First, he works from home only 3 days per week and sometimes he needs to be in the office that days that he suppose to work from home due to important offline meetings. So it’s not like he needs to use the desk and the screens 5 days per week. Second, this desk is going to be in our bedroom and it will take so much space (I measured) which means that we will end up the same situation we had in previous flat - we even couldn’t walk properly because all of the space has been taken by furniture and the walk from one side of the bedroom to the other reminded the labyrinth. Just to be clear - I don’t mind him to have working desk at home. I just think it shouldn’t be that big with 3 screen. At the office obviously he doesn’t have such a big desk and 3 screens. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable?

Yanbu.
Clearly you are with a man who hasn't an ounce of respect.
Do you work?
If so, get back to it.
Tell him its not coming in.

Can you stay with family?
If so pack a bag and leave.
He either apologises and returns it or this is your life from now on.
Living with a man that doesn't care.

I feel very sorry for your child.
Don't make the mistake of having another, it will only make you more stuck.

Do not become a sahm with a man who doesn't respect you.

Really? Pack a bag and leave because a man has ordered too large a desk? Give over.
Just map it out in the room with him using equivalently sized cardboard boxes where the footprint will be. He will see it’s not workable I would think and cancel it or get a smaller one. Sometimes people can’t visualise things until it’s right in front of them.

What does he do. Unless he's a developer reading lines of code or a BIM engineer/ CAD tech I can't see why he needs 3 screens (presuming you mean 2 plus a laptop).

If he's managed for all this time at the kitchen table he's being unreasonable. Filling all that space with a desk of that size, standing or otherwise is overkill.

He will probably realise it’s too big after it arrives and want to send it back. I will say though, if he works from home and needs the space, you really needed to get a two room flat in the first place. Any desk will look massive in the bedroom, and it means you can’t ever nap/ take to your bed if unwell if he’s at home working. I will also say that my dad needed the 3 screens and used two desks pushed together in an L shape against the corner of the room rather than one big long desk- could something similar be doable for you guys?

My dad is a project manager/ software manager and needs the three screens. Often they are on a zoom meeting, while doing two different projects one on each screen if on a tight schedule. So it could be something like this. Work provided him with the screens/monitors.

Maybe you should have got a two bedroom flat?

I also work in the industry and we don't have different project's meetings at the same time. Consecutively sometimes. I take your point however.

He is ops manager. Using few screens to do report and have outlook and other sources opened at the same time.

Unfortunately, we cannot afford two bedroom flat for now. That’s why we decided at least move to bigger one bedroom flat.

Maybe it’s different in his job. No idea

It was a bit of a stupid idea moving to another one bed.

If your flat is too small you should be looking to move to a two bed with office space or he shouldn’t be working from home.

I see. Is there a possibility he can work more time in the office rather than from home until a new place with extra space is a possibility? Other than that I think a smaller desk, or a desk in the living room area during the day is the only choice. Though that of course would mean you’d be confined to the kitchen or bedroom which wouldn’t be great long term.

Maybe somewhere with two small bedrooms rather than one big one would be a possibility? If he has to work from home he really does need his own space rather than communal space like a kitchen table.

edit: i assume as child grows you won’t be in that flat long term anyway, as they will need their own bedroom?

Hmmmm, I am on the fence about this one. If he works from home and has struggled with having to work at the kitchen table then I can see his excitement at finally having more room and a proper work space. My DH works from home in our spare room and his massive standing work desk for 3 screens (yes he needs them) takes up the entire room. He needs a standing desk as he suffers terrible back pain if he sits down. I don't begrudge him wanting to feel comfortable and having proper space to aid him to do his job effectively without being in pain. So I understand why your DH may have longed for this space.

However, to just go out and buy one, and assume he can just take over that extra space, without a discussion with you first is what would annoy me. No-one should just assume that they can use that shared space for their own needs, especially when the extra space is limited, without a discussion with the other person. So yes, that would definitely annoy me.

If you were struggling for space, then maybe you should have tried to find a 2 bedroom place maybe. If your DH works from home I get why he would want his own private, proper set up.

But as your child grows, won't you struggle with space anyway with just one bedroom?

Working at a kitchen table must have been terrible for his back. I did it for a bit in lockdown and had horrible shoulder pain after. Can't you just research slightly smaller desks? I got my adjustable one in lidl a few years back.

I don’t think he has thought through the reality of sharing his tiny workspace with a newborn baby. He does understand that for the next couple of years the baby will cry and make noise whenever it needs to and there will often be very little that you can do about it. You cannot be expected to take the baby out all day every day whatever the weather. A crawling baby and the trailing cables from 3 screens and a standing desk isn’t a recipe for relaxation either.
The desk is the least of your problems. Make sure you start as you mean to go on. Do not allow him to insist that you take the baby out or that you have to stop the baby from crying because he has to do his big important job at his big important desk.
Why does he think he will be able to work productively and professionally in a 50m sq space that he shares with a baby who will turn into a toddler. Where is his common sense? He should be thinking about WHERE he is going to work instead, not how big his bloody desk is.

It’s unfair to dump it all on him, he’s got job to pay for baby (as he should) and presumably he had it before baby, and choosing a flat is both their responsibility. They should’ve rented or saved for a two bed. If this was the woman working and taking up too much space, mumsnetters would be telling the SAHD to just put up with it.

YANBU.
im a software developer - I do have a desk about that size with 3 screens. But I work from home entirely, and we got a house big enough for me to have office space. If I was living in a one room flat I wouldn’t have gone out and got a desk that big, certainly not without full discussion and go-ahead from my DH!
if we didn’t have space I’d manage with a smaller desk somehow.