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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Airtag for possible cheating…

46 replies

JoyousDenimFox · 04/06/2025 09:49

So my cousin has her suspicions about her current bf of 2 yrs for cheating. She is going to buy an AirTag and hide it in his vehicle. I think this is great idea. My own bf does see why she’s suspicious and even suggested AirTag, but my best friend thinks it’s a terrible idea so I’m seeking advice in case I’m being too gung ho and a terrible cousin. For info I don’t know my cousins bf well (and neither does my friend or bf) - they live in Scotland and we live in south England so seen each other couple times in last 2 years due to various things. But I speak to cousin a lot as we were very close growing up and are like sisters. I cannot ask any of my family for advice as they are terrible gossips and she does not want this widely known amongst family. My friend and bf are not gossips, and she knows they know. But I am so doubting myself in some ways and fear I might give her bad advice as my own dad was a cheater and I have low tolerance for this so feel like I want some anonymous feedback.

The reason my cousin is suspicious is that her bf constantly goes solo camping to do Munro’s in Scotland where they live. He used to often say how amazing the signal was in Scotland but for past couple months he always complains no signal - in fact he’s starting pre warning her he’ll have no signal. They previously happily used find my phone (which they both happily use to share locations and help find lost phones and just usual life) as a safety feature for his solo trips but this now nolonger tracks him for a good 15 hrs of an evening and until late morning. It’s becoming more common both the camping and the no signal… His find my phone will stop sending signal and just show last location right near a Munro. In the mid morning she has noticed when it does track he is literally miles from that Munro - like over 1hr drive away and not in the wilderness!

She also says he is different - almost manic at times and deflects questions with all this stupid humour that’s increasing and a bit out of character. But then she feels grumpier so isn’t sure if it’s her.

Anyone any experience of this? I personally totally think it’s inexplicably odd that he now disappears for 15 hours every camping trip when he never used to and pops up miles away from where he was like a teleportation trick. I feel like she needs to get some closure on it and this might help. Personally I think he’s cheating and I have warned her that which she said she is prepared to find out. There are no children.

She says if he is where he says he is then she can let this go (as in the AirTag also sends no signal)- I believe her. She says if he is lying (the AirTag is pinging in that location or worse still another) then she is 100% prepared to split up - I believe her. It’s the limbo and suspicion killing her.

My bf and me both feel that if we were tracked because of suspicious behaviour like this we would be ok and likely laugh about it. My friend just says invasion of privacy that could end a relationship either way. My cousin says she needs to know as this is driving her insane. I totally get my cousin but perhaps I am biased.

Any advice?

OP posts:
2024onwardsandup · 04/06/2025 09:50

i think it’s an incredibly dysfunctional way to behave in a relationship. She should ask him and tell him
her concerns and either ends the relationship or trusts him.

BelfastBard · 04/06/2025 09:51

This is stalkerish behaviour and I actually think it’s illegal. If you have to resort to these lengths in a relationship it’s time to end the relationship. I could never ever condone violating someone’s privacy like this. Frankly, it’s creepy and abusive.

downtownlights · 04/06/2025 09:52

These things often lose signal for long periods too, especially when there’s no iPhone to check in with. Plus if it is completely new to the partner’s phone, the tag will alert him (to prevent stalking). So it may not be fail safe. I think just have it out.

Koazy · 04/06/2025 10:54

Just tell her to ditch him. Far simpler.

MmeChoufleur · 04/06/2025 10:56

Won’t he be alerted to the AirTag if he’s got an iPhone?

lljkk · 04/06/2025 10:57

It's controlling behaviour & if OP was describing a man doing this to a female partner, some MNers would shriek fury about it.

CatherinedeBourgh · 04/06/2025 10:59

Without even going into the questionable morality of it, he'll be alerted. I put one of dh's airtags in the car and any time I drove away from home I was alerted that I was being tracked.

If she doesn't trust him she should just leave him.

ThisCyanPoet · 04/06/2025 11:06

We put one on my grandma in hospital because they kept moving her between hospitals and not telling us until we turned up to visit. A couple of nurses said they had alerts from it on their phones because it kept pining through them to refresh her location.

AirTags provide location updates by connecting every few minutes to whatever apple device it can ping through. If it pings your phone more than once, it will alert you that one is nearby and potentially following you. I’ve had these alerts pop up on my phone in the gym too.

BellissimoGecko · 04/06/2025 11:22

2024onwardsandup · 04/06/2025 09:50

i think it’s an incredibly dysfunctional way to behave in a relationship. She should ask him and tell him
her concerns and either ends the relationship or trusts him.

This.

tracking your partner - or anyone - without their knowledge or consent is abusive.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 04/06/2025 11:27

I have no opinion on whether this man is cheating or not. But I do know that if I wasn't cheating, and found out my partner was tracking me, I'd be out of the relationship so quick you'd see a Vimes shaped hole in the door.

Cos100 · 04/06/2025 12:02

I think this is a bad idea. I agree that it seems like he is cheating. But either way, she really doesn't trust him and it seems like she's not happy eiether due to his change in behaviour, that's enough to end the relationship. She knows what she needs to do.

category12 · 04/06/2025 12:13

She doesn't trust him so she doesn't need to do all this spy crap. Just give him the boot.

It's not OK to track people.

YellowPostIts · 04/06/2025 12:22

My bf and me both feel that if we were tracked because of suspicious behaviour like this we would be ok and likely laugh about it.

Really? I’d be both insulted and furious. I’d end the relationship.

Your cousin doesn’t trust her boyfriend. Relationships are based on trust.

She doesn’t need proof she just needs to end the relationship.

Shoxfordian · 04/06/2025 12:23

She would be completely out of order to do this. Its not a great idea. Its stalking

Chocolatecustardcreamsrule · 04/06/2025 12:24

My ex husband tried this with me when we were going through divorce. It’s creepy and intusive. You get notified on your iPhone that an AirTag is following you. Apple installed it because of stalkers.

JohnofWessex · 04/06/2025 12:25

Its wrong and abusive

nocoolnamesleft · 04/06/2025 12:27

The relationship is over. If he is cheating, the relationship is over. If he is not cheating but she tracks him, the relationship is over. The trust is gone.

Cheffymcchef · 04/06/2025 12:28

She’s breaking the law using it on him without his consent. If he finds out a police a police investigation could very well be started.

NCtoavoidsniggering · 04/06/2025 12:32

Leaving aside where their relationship really is: the AirTag idea won’t work. It relies on an iPhone being turned on and with Bluetooth turned on. So if he’s got no signal and turns it off, or turns off Bluetooth, it shows nothing. And if his phone does pick it up, it will alert him that he’s being tracked . I know this just because I’ve got one on my dog - if a friend takes them out, I can see where they are, but they actually get a detailed notification of exactly where they’ve been at any time the tag was in range.

TaupeRaven · 04/06/2025 12:32

Absolutely ridiculous idea, and for you to encourage it (with the benefit of distance from the situation as someone who isn't the one likely being cheated on) shows a real lack of wisdom.

Also, if he has an iPhone he'll be notified pretty quickly that an AirTag not registered to him is following him, and he will be given the option to deactivate it

Channellingsophistication · 04/06/2025 12:33

Tracking someone is not ok. She has to have it out with her boyfriend and if she doesn't trust him, she should end the relationship.

Goditsmemargaret · 04/06/2025 12:41

She could throw a phone in his car and track that. He will be alerted to the airtag.

They aren't married however and have no kids. I don't know why she is bothering to tie herself up in knots about this. If she can't talk this out with him they have no future.

DeSoleil · 04/06/2025 12:46

After only two years and there is a suspicion of cheating it’s really not worth perusing. Time to move on whether or not he has cheated as she has lost her faith in him and it’s a downward spiral from there onwards.

HappyintheHills · 04/06/2025 12:46

The AirTag will only report its position via nearby iPhones. If he’s turning off location from his phone then unless there are other nearby iPhones then the AirTag will not report location.
also it’s stalking

PauliesWalnuts · 04/06/2025 13:01
  1. it's abusive and wrong.
  2. GPS can be inaccurate - bounce off mountains, lack of signal etc. I cycled to work a few weeks back and my tracker had me 15 miles away cycling through a reservoir that I'd never been to.
  3. if he's hiking large distances then his start and finish points are likely to be nowhere near where the mountain summit is.