Is he cheating or am I going insane?

[dollyblue01]

So been with my partner of 3 years, been asking me to move in, agreed to maybe part time to start with and see how it goes.
He uses watsapp a lot for work, but I’d noticed him on and off more and more and for some strange reason, some woman we have in common, appeared to be doing the same, eg he’d be online then she would and the patten would repeat , he works shifts and the patten coincides with that , ie when he wasn’t on ear-lies she wasn’t online , but when he was so was she .
I’d also seen them both online on a few occasions at the same time.
could be nothing as he uses it quite a lot and she could be a frequent user too and I’m clearly going crazy.
However I’d seen the pattern and something didn’t add up, I pulled him on it last week and then again Sunday, come Monday her wats app has froze to a set day and time and not moved since ? Is this a coincidence?
I confronted him on Sunday and stupidly he talked me round, i wish id have made him put the number in his phone, but I didn’t at the time and now wishing I had as something isn’t right.
im dying to txt her to see what happens on watsapp, but i don't really know her that well.
I don’t know what to think anymore , how do I get to the bottom of this? Obv he's denying it and still asking me to move in etc, but I've got this weird gut feeling, I really wanna txt her, but I could have just put two and two together and come up with ten , what do I do here ? I could also get him to put the number in later when I see him ?
I can’t shake this gut feeling.

Go with your gut. Always.

You don’t trust him so to me there’s no point in playing detective.

It does look like he’s said something and she’s stopped sharing her online status.

Whether or not there's something going on with this woman, the fact that you're saying there is and he's still pushing for you to move in is odd.

It's odd if he's not, as he would be feeling affronted and like you don't trust him and questioning the relationship and possibly thinking you're not in the right place to moving in.

It's odd if there is something going on, he shouldn't be pushing for you to move in for obvious reasons. I'd hang back and see what happens, don't make any big decisions.

I don’t think what you have is much to go on to be honest. Just that they seem to be online at the same times?

If someone confronted me with this ‘evidence’ I would see it as controlling. None of his other behaviour I.e. wanting you to move in suggests cheating either.

However I am a big believer in gut reactions if you know yourself and you are not an unreasonably jealous person.

Has he confirmed whether he has messaged her at all recently?

You could say you know your feelings on this aren’t fair on him and it probably comes from your anxiety over whether to make this big commitment to move in. Ask to look at his WhatsApp chat with her to reassure yourself it’s all in your head. If he’s not willing to then it would be a red flag for me and I wouldn’t be moving in yet and would be looking into why I didn’t trust him I.e. is it a you issue or a him issue!

It is odd that he’s still pushing for this, however he knows I’m not over keen to move in, he’s the one who wants more commitment from me, I’m quite happy how things are.
I have agreed to it, but as said he’s not convinced and has put a timescale on it, it he waiting for me to fail to he can justify chatting to someone else, has he got someone else in the back ground just incase ?
I think your right to wait and see what happens is probably good advice, I’m just finding it hard to be normal with him as I don’t know if I’m overthinking or not, lot of stress at work and stuff atm which isn’t helping.
But the fact her watsapp is now frozen it very coincidental.

My gut is never normally wrong, I’ve watched over a month , seen a patten and both online at the same time.
now her watsapp is frozen , just too weird.
im going to see what happens this weekend as im at his, i also may suggest a visit to the pub where I know she may be 😮

This is also very true , thank you

If a woman thinks a man is cheating, she's usually right.

But how do I prove it ? Or do I just go off what I’ve seen which is coincidental?
Do I step back and wait ?

Was there a reason that prompted you to monitor her WhatsApp use?? How did you notice this initially?
To me, it's a bit of a reach on it's own.

But as for proof, don't torture yourself. If you don't trust him then you don't trust him, it's game over.

You don't need to prove it. You can believe your gut.

If the situation is making you unhappy, you can decide to end it with him. As someone upthread says, why torture yourself over it any longer?
It's entirely up to you.

Her stopping sharing status... Maybe he told her what you said, she found it stalkerish and stopped sharing. I would (if I ever shared).
Or they have something going on.

Tbh watching people's online/offline status for a month is... Not healthy so just hreak it off

He knows her through a friend, I don’t know her that well, I just had this gut feeling that he was always online , off and on really quickly, don’t know what prompted me to look at hers , just something he’d said about a mate she knew of his and I happened to check and see the pattern , that’s what sound completely mad, hence me watching it for a while and noticing they were both online at the same time on numerous occasions.
But the fact that she’s froze her watsapp tells me further something’s a miss, he doesn’t know who I mean or so he says that’s the weird thing.
All sounds crazy but it came from a gut feeling that something wasn’t right.

He's put a timescale on you moving in with him? After which what happens?

No I know it’s not healthy , but once I’d seen it, I watched for a little while and it became too coincidental for it to be nothing.
im seeing him later so to his face I will tell him who it is, not that I don’t think he already knows, when I asked for his phone sunday to put the number in his face was red and I knew then that I could well have been right, I just didn’t go ahead with it , wish I had now.
either way she knows now as she’s no longer sharing WhatsApp which is weird in its own and if he doesn’t know her , why would she ?

He’s given me two more weeks and then wants to discuss more , he wants more commitment , but says he’s not convinced it will happen- I feel he’s just riding this out for me to fail and then he has a good reason without feeling guilty to end it.

I think you're right. The relationship doesn't sound anywhere near in a good enough place to consider cohabiting. Don't do it. You don't need to discover what's going on to know this.

I don't think this sounds healthy at all.

I would not move in.

I would just say you're not into him anymore.

I can’t even be bothered with him anymore as I don’t know if he’s lying or not .. it’s all a mess and If I’m honest this can’t just be a fluke there’s too much pointing in the direction that something has been going on, she wouldn’t care that he’s has a partner and he could have been telling her anything, I’d love to message her but she’s not going to admit it anyway:
maybe it’s time to let this go and move on, that’s why I’d tell anyone else saying this, feel like I’m going crazy , which is so not like me.

I think it’s done , but I’m going to speak to him later , face to face.

If you think she's going to be at a particular pub I would go there with him and see how they behave together it would probably be a dead giveaway if there is something going on. A blush, a look, an in joke between them, going to the toilets at the same time (she goes then he excuses himself a minute later), for a private word out of sight.

Yeah I could definitely say let’s go here and will be probability that she’s be there and see what his reaction is.
I haven’t said directly to him who it is , this is why it’s even more coincidental that’s she’s now froze her watsapp status. It’s all just so bizarre , I think deep down I already know the answer I’m quite good at reading people and tend to have a spot on gut feeling that hasn’t let me down much in the past, I’ve got nothing to lose by watching how it unfolds, as I don’t think I want it to go any further anyway anymore , but would be nice to get my answer and know I’m not crazy, either way she’s welcome to him.

If it’s true would be nice to see them both squirm anyway 😊 if it’s not then I’m a crazy overthinker, but for me far to coincidental to not be.

Wow, that escalated fast. Well, I guess you have your answer.