What would you do in this situation????

[tiredmummm]

Morning guys. I’m here again to ask for advice as I don’t know what to do.
So me and my partner have split up last year from January until December.
We decided to get back together in December 2024 to try again for our child.
When we were split up I was talking to someone over the phone but never ended up meeting, he on the other hand has meet someone multiple times and engaged with her in sexual acts.
He told me he was lonely and I made him do it because of the way I was treating him.
The reason for our split was complicated I felt like I wasn’t getting enough support from him, he always had an excuse why he can’t do something and also whenever we argued he always used to get in my face and get aggressive with me which was scaring me as I’ve been through domestic abuse in the past.
The last couple of days have been difficult at home, and the reason being is because he tells me that I’m lying to him about the stuff I done when we split up. I’ve told him majority of the stuff I’ve done but he is asking about detailed conversations I had with the guy I was speaking to and I feel like I shouldn’t have to do that as we were both single.
Only last night he actually admitted to me what he has done with the girl he was seeing which I don’t care about but I feel like I’m being questioned by him like I’m a child.
Moving forward, I have a lot of unhealed trauma from my childhood and early teen years because of my mother.
I have been struggling with my mental health because of it and it hasn’t been easy for me.
Im doing my best as a mother, even though sometimes I can see I treat my son the way my mother used to treat me I’m not proud of it and I’m trying my hardest to change this and better myself for my son.
I Have asked my partner to leave the house, as I can’t live with him under the same roof anymore and he told me in order for him to leave he needs to feel confident enough that our son will be safe under my care.
I have never hit our son or abused him in any way, I have made mistakes with parenting which I’m trying to correct and I’m not proud of the mistakes I’ve already made.
He always points it out and makes me feel like the worst mother when I’m trying my hardest.
im just looking for some advice, please be kind. Thank you

End the relationship and don't ever contemplate restarting it again. Is there any real reason why your ex doesn't feel your child is safe in your care, or is he just playing with your head -- what are the parenting mistakes you refer to? With whom did your child live during your separation?

This sounds like controlling and manipulative behaviour. If your son was living with you during the separation, then it is hard to see how this man’s comments about not leaving DS with you can be justified. As the PP says, what kind of parenting mistakes have you made? A good man would be supporting you with parenting, not undermining and threatening you. What real life support do you have to get this man out the house and keep him out?

I'd end the relationship. Focus on being a good mum. Have you got any close friends or family you can talk too?

Hi there.
This man is aggressive and abusive towards you, both physically and mentally.

For your own sake, and your child's sake, you must end it again.

He'll only bring you sorrow.

When you've kicked him out, I think you should do the Freedom Programme.

Good luck. You made a mistake, starting things up again with this man, but you have ended it once, so go ahead and end it again.

You absolutely deserve better than this.

What's the housing situation? If it's in your name, just ask him to leave. Pack his stuff when he's out and put it outside for him to collect if he refuses.

It sounds like you need therapy regarding your past and Family Lives have free parenting classes you might find helpful. BACP is a good place to start for therapy.

You might also benefit from the Freedom Programme. You can contact Refuge until 10pm tonight if you need advice.

I’d end the relationship, I think the relationship is your issue, which is making you doubt your parenting,

if you need support with parenting, which is no shame, lots is available.