Husband overweight

[SereneDeer]

Let me start by saying, I love my husband. But he has put on weight. He’s always been insecure about his weight so it’s a sensitive issue.

Over the last few years, he has noticeably put on weight, especially around his stomach. Food has been his vice since we’ve had young kids and been sleep deprived and tired. He will moan about it every now and then but I think he believes it isn’t that bad. He’ll see photos of himself and be horrified asking if that’s what he looks like - I don’t know what to say. It is. But I don’t know how to tell him that without upsetting him because he doesn’t really think he looks like that.

He recently made a comment that he thought he was relatively in shape. He absolutely isn’t but again, I just can’t say that without seeming awful.

He’s not huge by any means but he has a significant belly. I’m concerned about his health as I know carrying a lot of weight on your stomach is bad health wise. And obviously, selfishly, I would also like him to lose a bit of weight.

He doesn’t generally eat bad and I usually claim to be on a diet too to put a blocker up on getting a takeaway or treats. He exercises a couple of times a week but it’s not having much effect.

How do I tell my husband he needs to lose weight without utterly destroying his self confidence?

Ask him if he’s up for going on the nhs website together to see how healthy you both are and see what it says? Then go by that. “It says youre obese dear and I wouldn’t have believed it but I guess it must be true as it’s the nhs. Do you want to do anything about it, should I buy us more salad or we go out walking daily or anything? Im just going to check if my drinking is a problem or what I should be doing to be more healthy …”etc

make it about you both. And follow through in whatever he wants to do. But it’s up to him. He may do nothing.

If i had a partner said to me what @RentalWoesNotFunsuggested, well, my self esteem would be on the floor, I'd withdraw all physical affection and probably eat even more out of depression. Then I'd end the relationship.

I'm very fat. I know it. Your DP will know it too. Luckily my blood pressure is low, cholesterol and blood sugars perfect, not pre diabetic so the GP blames all the medication I'm on. And yes, weight gain is listed on most of it so they're not worried. But I hate it. I'm self conscious and having my DM telling me to lose weight and a friend recommending Wegovy, well, I just want to hide. I'm 53 so that doesn't help.

If you love him @SereneDeerthen you will love him whatever he looks like. I'm sure your body has changed since you both met. Let him go through this stage, yes support him but please don't point it out or 'make suggestions'.

If this was the other way round on here, and we've seen plenty, we know what the response would be.

I think you need to be brutally honest. I have lost over 5 stone in the last 8 months using injections. I played at lot of sport and did weight lifting and although I knew I could lose a bit, I thought I carried it ok. But getting into 50s it became increasingly difficult to shed and I started to worry about health risks. I never in a million years believed I would lose this much and now realise I was deluding myself about how overweight I was. If he is self conscious about his weight the only thing that will help is to lose weight and to do that successfully he needs to face up to the current reality and the lifestyle changes needed to achieve it.

Youd end the relationship because the nhs website says your obese? Youre blaming the messenger husband who is on there checking out BOTH your health issues for highlighting yours?

FYI I am obese too.

Would he go to Slimming World if you asked him?. My DH lost 9 stones going along and I lost nearly 3 stones.

This sounds really difficult for you, but it doesn't need to be. All you need to do is to take control of the situation.

Putting on weight is an exclusively male thing. It is a proven fact that as women get older they do not put weight on, staying at a miraculous and amazing size 10 until they reach old age. Men really need to watch how women manage this feat.

When.ypu married him tou wanted what most people want, a man who, as he gets older, gets fitter, richer and taller. I can see how his weight gain is against the natiral order in life.

He seems like he doesn't think that there's a problem, but a visit from the local Fire Brigade ( phwoar ! ) and a calender of there's should be the starting point.

Whilst drooling over 25 ur old Slick Rick hose work you could encourage your husband to look him ? This and a ringing endorsement of a celery diet for him should do the trick.

Don't look at Mr September now.....

Together Look up your BMI and then his BMI. Focus on health, say you’re worried about his health as extra weight equals heart attacks, strokes, diabetes etc. just say it kindly and with love but say it.