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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know how to explain this to DH because I'm not sure myself

2 replies

WonsWoo · 03/06/2025 20:57

I'll try and be brief - name change due to paranoia about being outed!
I'm 53 and having a weird time at the moment.

DH and I have a good marriage, been together for 32 years, 2 DCs, own house, reasonable income. Lots to be thankful for.

Things have changed a fair bit for us in the last couple of years. Mil who we cared for partly passed away, DH only now has a Brother and no other relatives. My Mum has gone from being fairly active to be being bed bound due to illness so caring responsibilities have ramped up a bit although very much shared with sibling and she has carers so not loads of pressure.

Both DCs have left home this year. DD has gone to live and work several time zones away, likely to be back sometime next year. DS has just moved in with his GF about an hour away. We see him about once a fortnight and speak to both DCs regularly. They are both happy and enjoying life which is of course great.

We are a close family so even though the DCs are thriving, we miss them a lot. Not crying all the time missing them but just feeling the empty nest.

I also have a work stress at the moment with a possible redundancy looming and I am the higher earner. DH is 61 and took a lower paying job last year after many years of a stressful job. I absolutely don't begrudge him that as he is so much happier.

The thing I am finding hard at the moment is that I increasingly find I just want to be on my own. I don't not want to be with him if that makes sense. I just find I don't want to make conversation or do things together.

It's absolutely not him. He is good company, we laugh together, we have always had what I feel is a good balance of enjoying spending time together but also having our own friends/interests.

This is mainly an issue in the evenings. We are both done with work by soon after 5 and I just want to switch off from everything by then. We do stuff together at weekends.

I am post menopause, have recently been diagnosed with T2 diabetes so have been looking after myself better, lost some weight, walking a fair bit.

I don't know what I'm saying really. Is it common to just want to be alone. I don't want to end things. I love and respect him very much but he knows something is up and I'm struggling to tell him what it is because I don't understand it myself. He's very supportive of me always and would never hold this against me but I do think he's hurt. We've always been good at talking things out but this time I just can't find the words or even the energy to try and explain.

OP posts:
NCtoavoidsniggering · 03/06/2025 21:19

Is it him? Or just adjusting to life having a new, different rhythm?? Kids leaving home, different family situations changes life significantly- so if you don’t adapt to those changes then yes, it’s going to feel strange.

TeenLifeMum · 03/06/2025 21:22

I had an awful work situation and dh was amazingly supportive but there were times I just needed space. Work is so much better (still feeling bruised and scarred which I think is my new normal) and I’m enjoying dh’s company. My only advice is to keep communication open and be honest.

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