Stop me from getting revenge.

[Whatalife88]

Hi all,

I need you all to talk me down from getting revenge on this man. I was seeing him for almost 2 years but it was long distance. It ended up being mostly video calls as time and time again he couldn't come over because of genuine health concerns, but still I waited, he told me he loved me, that he'd never loved anyone like me before, that it was definitely going to happen. He was looking for jobs and houses over here etc. We had a great connection, undeniable connection, spark and chemistry. We wanted to have it all with each other.

Recently he had an accident (it's genuine) that meant he cannot fly for 4 months. He knows I can't fly back and forth as I have children and don't have the time or money. He said to me a few weeks ago that he thinks it's best if we just be friends as he can't give me what I deserve and want because of all his health issues. He also said he was worried about leaving behind his granddaughter who is 13. He worries he would be stopped from seeing her if he moved away and he enjoys having her in school holidays. I kind of understand it all but he knew he had a granddaughter from the get go and I asked him numerous times early on to consider that and he made me believe he really wanted to be with me and would prioritise our relationship and still try to maintain a relationship with his granddaughter. He also knows I'd wait for the health issue to pass as I want to be with him. It feels like he's just suddenly decided against me after saying I was the love of his life for so long and I am started to feel hatred as well as love.
I have screenshot messages where he's called his daughter in law vicious names and said he wishes his wife (whom he separated from) was dead as it would make his life easier regarding the divorce and the assets etc. I am more than tempted to send these to those people as I know how but I also know that it's petty and unfair on them. I've never felt a heart break like it. We've had disagreement before but I never thought he'd permanently end it. Talk me out of being a cow.

It won’t make you feel better. You might think it will, but it won’t.

For a start it’s too raw and as they say, revenge is a dish best eaten cold.

But more than that, the very best revenge is living well. You’ve dodged a future faking two faced bullet here. Rejoice, move on.

Failing that, bang his mates. That’s hits the spot, I hear.

Well it's one way of ensuring he hates you in return and these relatives will think you're vile and bonkers.

Don't drag his family into your break up.

Dignity, OP. Dignity.

You'll look like an absolute nutjob to everyone involved and make him glad he's done with you. And you will feel better for maybe five seconds before you get the mother of all hangover regrets only this time you won't be able to blame the vodka.

How do you know he was separated and why do you think he's not allowed to end the relationship? And how much of this online relationship was real and how much was in your head?

Doesn't sound like he's done anything wrong at all so no idea why you're being spiteful. He tried long distance, had health issues, realised that if you refuse to fly it's all on him timewise and financially, and has decided on balance it's not for him.

Thing is that’s not just hurting him is it? It’s hurting other people who are nothing to do with it.

And what are you actually wanting revenge for?!

People don't have to stay in relationships. They're allowed to finish with you.

How many times did you meet up in real life?

Go watch the Netflix show “Sweet Bobby” (if you can even see anything though all the red flags waving in your face), and give your head a wobble.

Sounds like he's made the right decision.

I agree with this.

It probably won't come as a surprise to his ex wife that he wishes her ill, but maybe you'd be doing the daughter in law a favour by passing the messages on - you know the people involved, so only you can tell if it would be a good idea or not.

You may be hurt but he really hasn't done anything wrong. Frankly, if you do what your imagining doing, all he'll think is that he dodged a massive bullet.

ETA How much time have you actually physically spent together?

I have read some of your previous threads OP. This man is in his 50’s and has form for behaving appallingly. He has left you high and dry, dropped you, blocked you.
You have been married in the past and while it wasn’t perfect it was a real, tangible relationship.
This wasn’t a real relationship. He’s had contact with you, he can do all the ‘love of my life’ words but his actions don’t match up.
He has used horrible words about other women, too. Don’t retaliate and hurt other women. They don’t deserve it.
You are probably very vulnerable right now. Don’t act on that upset.
It is time to leave this man behind you are clinging on to someone who is mostly made up in your mind.
You deserve someone who wants to be with you in person.

Surely you realised after 2 years of nothing but calls that you were being strung along here?

I don’t understand why you’d even think about getting involved in his actual family life which you have no part in- stay out of it.

It was a non starter from the beginning. You wasted time trundling along in something that wasn’t an IRL reality. You’re mad at yourself. Realise this and going forwards meet people in person who live local and who you are compatible with and can have a proper, meaningful relationship with.
The ‘revenge’ is daft. Hurt other people or don’t but you’re not going to bask in any ‘success’ since you have no proximity to any of these people.

He hasn't done anything wrong, he's allowed to end a relationship. Do NOT send his family members those messages that would be spiteful and nasty and they don't deserve to be upset because you are.

ah man! MNHQ removed the laughing reaction.. here is my reaction anyway 😂

It is pretty concerning that you are (presumably) a grown woman and need other people to spell out that behaving like a spiteful child is fairly appalling.

I agree with others that for whatever reason he's decided this 'long distance' relationship is not for him and he has been honest enough to tell you so.

Why on earth would you even consider behaving so unpleasantly towards another human being? What satisfaction could it possibly afford you?

Absolutely! Run fast and far @Whatalife88' s ex!!
Is 88 your year of birth so your in your late 30s and acting so ridiculously?
As above? What's the revenge for?!