How long did it take for you to want to start dating again?

[ForeverHopeful3]

I left my ex exactly a month ago, after 3 years of being together. I was very much in love with him, but he wasn't ready for commitment, and would never be ready, so I bit the bullet and left him. It was a traumatic breakup.

I want to still find the love of my life and I'm hopeful that I will, but I tried getting on the Facebook dating feature and instantly deleted my profile. I couldn't even get myself to answer even one of the prompts, and the guys I saw looked cute, but I kept thinking to myself "I'd rather meet him in person." I did this 3 or 4 times them deleted my half asses profile lol

My friend's therapist says we should get into the dating pool right away. She says there's no reason to wait months and months before stepping back into the game. I kind of agree, I'm not getting any younger (Im 33 and I want a husband and kids), I'm in the best shape of my life, and its summer time so great time for outdoor dates!

I just have no motivation for man energy right now lol

I wasn't interested had a baby concentrated on myself and baby, started doing fun groups etc aswell meeting new people...7 years later age 37 met now hubby at a supermarket on a holiday and have another 3 children lol it came along when I wasn't looking now I'm 41 and happy as anything

One month is still very raw. Not sure I agree with the therapist about jumping straight back in to dating. I’d probably wait 3 months minimum, spent time with friends and things that make you happy. Online dating can be brutal, I’d say when you’re already feeling raw about the break up, the last thing you need is online dating.

You’re very young. And it’s very soon. I actually doubt if you’re ready yet - likely it would be a rebound fling and if what you want right now is serious relationship, there’s a good chance you’ll get hurt. Just the fact that you’re deleting your profile and unsure about it screams to me ‘wait a little while yet’. Don’t rush, you’ll know when you’re ready

Completely disagree with your therapist as the quicker you rush back into saying, the more likely you are to-make poor decisions and end up in a rebound with the wrong man my experience.

I split from my emotionally abusive ex (I had checked out a long time before splitting I was just too afraid for so long to actually do the full break up) and intended on staying single. Just over a month later I realised that I had very strong feelings for a friend of mine (had been friends for 7 years by that point) and asked him if he would like more than friendship we have now been together for 8 years and are very happy together

I never really wanted to be dating even when I was doing it. 🤣
I think it's an individual thing.
I definitely think the best time to meet someone is when you're completely happy on your own. You're less likely to put up with any bollocks.

I left my ex for similar reasons, and other stuff, although I’m much older than you. There’s no way I would have been ready to date after a month. I was still processing the breakup and it sounds like you might be too?
If you rush into a new relationship you won’t take time to recognise your own contributions to the last relationship ending. So was it people pleasing, lack of boundaries or allowing yourself to be strung along?
I’d spend some time working out what you want, and what went wrong last time before you dive back into dating. That way you can try and avoid it happening again.
I wouldn’t put a time limit on it, when you’re ready you’ll feel much more resilient, which you need to be for OLD!
It’s often when you’re happily single that you meet someone IRL as well. Socialise with friends and enjoy the summer without putting pressure on yourself to date, you never know who you’ll meet.

I was older then you but I haven't dated since splitting up with my Exdh, 6 years ago.

I was late 40s but I jumped into dating within a month of 20 year relationship ending. It had been on the cards for a while and the last year we really drifted so there was not too much to mourn (other than loss of kids, friends, money etc).

It was the best thing for me - and thats the thing we are all different. It gave me a focus, a purpose, something to look forward to. Sort of like, fall of bike so get straight back on.

If you feel like dating do it, for me it also validated that despite the loss of kids, money etc... I really wasnt happy before so helped kill any feelings about trying to give it a another go

My friend's therapist says we should get into the dating pool right away.

Presumably that's your friend's interpretation of what the therapist said. Sometimes people hear what they want to hear.

I had a horrible breakup when I was 32 and didn’t go on a date again until I was 44.

I broke up with my last boyfriend when I was 30 and haven't dated since. That was 15 years ago, I'm still not interested in dating not sure I ever will be.

It’s been nearly 12 years for me and I can’t think of anything I’d rather not do 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mmm. I agree that your friend telling you what the therapist said to her isn't really any indication of what the therapist would think about your situation. Feeling like you want to puke at the entire process- and I know exactly what you mean - is the epitome of the time to 'listen to your gut'.

I left my first husband just as I was about to turn 32, and started dating just over 18 months later. I dearly loved my second husband but with hindsight there was still a lot i hadnt worked out by then. I'd get some therapy of your own if you can scrape the cash together and I wouldn't go to the same therapist

This - once you’re happy on your own you’re probably ready.
Being single is a great opportunity to reconnect with yourself, who you are and what you want. Plus address any issues you might need to.
A long time ago I broke up with my partner. We just weren’t compatible despite loving each other. We were together for 7-8 years and it took me nearly 3 years to stop looking for someone like him. Everyone is different but if you broke up even though you still love him that might take a bit more time.

How about doing it when you think you want to & not to anyone else's timetable?

For me 18months I took some time for me and make sure I was ok and would never need a man again if I choose not to. I knew after 18months I was, but I’ll always look back as they were almost the best 18mths of my life, getting to know me, doing what I wanted , when I wanted, got myself in good shape , sleeping well, eating well , almost tempted to go back ha

You’re still very young there’s no immediate rush. Wait until your heart is in it, otherwise I suspect it won’t work out for you.

A month isn't long at all and I'm concerned your therapist is so pushy.

Is a month ok? Of course

If you arent ready is it OK to wait? Also ok

I wouldn't jump straight back in dating totally disagree with that.
Concentrate on you and only you dont do online dating find new interests travel then maybe you will meet someone when the time is right .
What's right for someone else isnt right for everyone.
A single women who is confident and happy in herself doing her own thing is a powerful one.

@ForeverHopeful3 my therapist (hairdresser) told me it's a month recovery for every year together. I could practically have set my watch with her prediction.
I don't know if jumping straight into another relationship is advisable.
Good luck.

Awe that’s so cute 🥰

Five years... lol. Maybe that was just me.

I think the only person who knows whether you should start dating again is you...Everyone has different outlooks about this, but you should not be led by anyone, only you....lt's your life and you should live it as you wish, making your own decisions, doing what you want to do....There is no right or wrong, you can start dating tomorrow if you want to, there are no rules. Live your life for you.....