Wrong or right

[OneFirmPeachNewt]

So justva quick one
So is your partner wrong to bring up your past wrongs if you said to them if u can't get past things you will leave them alone but they chose to move forward with you got you to bring clothes from your house and combine it with theirs and dvds and cds sort through them as one and sell furniture at mine that we don't need as moving together only to be told once again out of the blue got message saying about my past wrongs and ended it again, I said its not fair you bringing up my past wrongs when you decided to move forward with me

You have 3 kids.

You were in an abusive relationship.

Look after your kids and sort yourself out before inviting more drama and abuse into all your lives.

So you weren't together and you'd had a good deal of time apart and you met other people in that time?

So why would you lie? Why not just say, "yes, I've been dating etc but we were both single" target than deny and say you weren't with anyone else?

The fact you were with others when you were both single is surely not an issue. The fact you lied about it is.

I didn't say i wasn't with anyone else I told him eberyine I had been with apart from 2 people I regretted even being near so I just wanted to forget

Kindness is free!

You would think so x

I know exactly, I have problem writing sentences sometimes

You weren't together, so it's none of his concern who you were or weren't with unless you were still sleeping together but not in a relationship.

It does sound like you were quite promiscuous* in that *time if there's two people plus others you slept with?

You were single, so who you slept with in that time is not his business, unless there's a reason for not telling him about those particular two eg still in contact with them.

Sorry, the bold was but meant to be there

I stopped contact with them along time before we started talking again, and no there was two people I wish I never went near and I was seeing one person for 8months so not promiscuous as was over 3 and half years I was single for, he struggles with past as he blamed himself where if he would of told me how he felt back then we wouldn't of met others and no was sleeping together when I met them or talking

Oh the irony. Feel better?

So by my understanding, you were together for a number of years. You split up and during this time you slept with 3 other people, one of whom you had an 8 month relationship with. The other two were just casual shags whilst you were single.

You've been back together at least 10 months.

I presume you've asked and been told about his activities during this extended break up? I'm assuming he wasn't living the life of a monk?

You should think about doing the freedom programme because it seems like you’ve had a string of abusive relationships. Maybe stay single until you’ve had some counselling around what healthy relationships should look like, how to set healthy boundaries and improve self esteem.

He told me he went on dates and slept with someone else but only cos he told me i didn't want to know because, I know it would upset me cos for me felt like it was always us, but indont let it bother me as we wasn't together and I know if we spoke properly back then, then he wouldn't of gone anywhere else and he told me thst and insaid I know and indont use that against him

Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, you can't change someone else.

Jesus.

I knew my current dp (of 15 years) at school. Since we split up the first time we've both had our share of different partners, flings, casual stuff, both been married and divorced. I don't know all the sordid details of his time in-between, and her certainly doesn't know all about mine.

Your boyfriend is hideously controlling - you could have slept with hundreds of men but he either accepts it or he doesn't - you don't need to prove yourself, or be wary of being caught out in a fib.

You need to walk away, now.

Absolutely spot on. Your ex partner isn’t going to change, only you can change. Walk away , try to stop ruminating on the rights and wrongs of your relationship, it is over. By dwelling on what he did and didn’t do you only hurt yourself and keep the relationship alive in your mind only. Good luck

He's not entitled to know your past before you were together. Don't be controlled this is not a nice man. Everyone has a past.

Why do some people think that a relationship is something you have to “fight for”?!? As though the harder it is, the more worthwhile it is. In the same way that climbing Everest is more impressive than a lovely stroll along a beach. But a relationship shouldn’t be like that. It should be something easy and happy and which brings you joy, at least the vast majority of the time. It should be the lovely stroll on the beach. And any fighting that needs to be done should be the two of you fighting side by side against the challenges life throws up, not you fighting to try to make him want to be with you.

Where I was so scared I couldn't tell him about certain people

You shouldn't be in a relationship with someone you're scared of. He doesn't have a right to know everything about your past. This sounds like an awful relationship.

Whatever or whoever you have had in your past is no one in your presents business. You didn't know this guy in the past. It's nothing to do with him. You're better off without someone who constantly brings up your past. You should never be scared to share anything with a partner.
Try to move forward and leave him behind you.

Do yourself a favour and end this relationship, you deserve better.

What you have here OP, is a very insecure man.

And his insecurity is the driving force behind his controlling behaviour.

Who you dated/slept with whilst you were single, is nobody else’s business. He has no right to demand you tell him about it. And he’s using it as a stick to beat you with.

And he’s a hypocrite. Because he doesn’t believe he should be held accountable for his behaviour, but wants to hold you accountable for yours.

I know you care about this man-child, but he clearly doesn’t care for you very much, because if he did he wouldn’t keep ending things with you.

Leave him be in his childish little world and focus on yourself and your kids.

He is holding something over you needlessly and unfairly. What you both got up two when not together usually has nothing to do with the other and you should be free to share or not share the details.

The caveat would be, if either of you had slept with a family member or friend of the other. In that case I do think honestly is important. If they are people that you are no longer in contact with, even if the other knew of that person, it’s not really their business.

You've had relationships in the past, you've had sex with other men in the past and probably made mistakes along the way too. Every single person has a past, we all make mistakes too. Your partner has no right to know details of your previous relationships, people you've had sex or any intimate details at all. You don't have to justify decisions you've made prior to meeting with him or feel guilty for having a past! Don't have this man back. Nothing you do or say will ever be enough. You shouldn't have to keep apologising for incidents that happened BEFORE you ever knew him, that's just utterly crazy. He's controlling, immature and a nasty piece of work.

Nasty