Am I being selfish??

[GladBlueMoose]

Hi all

please I really do want complete honesty

so it’s my 40th birthday tomorrow and yet again I’m the last thought as always from my husband and family.

bit of back story so please bear with me

every year my birthday has never been a priority for just about anyone and I am the kind of person to constantly do my best and give to everyone well I made a point last year after another birthday of nothing planned and doing nothing that I made it well known for my 40th I really would like a nice birthday with some planning and thought from the people close to me

well here we are again…my husband promised me he would book the day off work to spend with me months ago and guess what of course he hasn’t….i was really heartbroken actually this morning that when I woke up he had been on my Amazon and brought me a birthday card off there today and a small gift knowing I get the notifications for same day delivery for today….he could not even be arsed to go out and buy me a card and waited till today the day before my birthday to order off my Amazon account 🤦‍♀️. I feel things just haven’t been right since last week and to be honest we have barely been holding conversations with each other. Anyhow my daughter is off school for 2 weeks due to having her tonsils out 2 days ago so tomorrow I spend my day with just me and my daughter doing nothing again and going nowhere 😭

am I selfish for feeling really let down? It’s like I’m not even cared about

I’m sorry, that does sound disappointing. I hope tomorrow is better than you’re anticipating. Maybe you and your dd can watch a film and get a pizza in or somethings

I am the kind of person to constantly do my best and give to everyone

Perhaps that's your problem. You're even asking if you're selfish for being upset.

I have the feeling that you're upset every year but are perfectly aware of what your husband is like.

What I would do next year is organise tickets, book a restaurant or send yourself a bunch of flowers. I'd go out with friends or family and wouldn't hold out any hope your selfish arse of a husband has had an epiphany.

The kicker really is I was just in the bath got out and found he had unboxed said Amazon delivery and left the empty box outside our bedroom door like it’s some joke.

honestly and being honest with myself you are exactly correct I am perfectly aware of what he is like but here’s stupid me always thinking maybe he will be thoughtful maybe just maybe I might be a priority at some point….reality is I’m just mugging myself off….i have no friends and basically my family is well one word to call it….a joke

I work hard and had booked annual leave for this week with some kinda hope someone somewhere would maybe just show up….feel really stupid now if I’m honest

but you are also right I need to look after me as well because deep down I know no one else will

thank you for talking to me

What an absolute lazy, selfish arse he is. I would be considering my future with a man as useless as he is.

Now I’m sat on my bed just crying and feeling like a no one again

i even made a point this year to book our holiday to go on his birthday for a week just so we was travelling and can enjoy the whole day and evening

how stupid am I?!?

I know how you feel. It's shit, feeling like an after thought, like a non priority. Nowadays, I buy my own gifts, I wrap my own gifts. I book my own birthday meal. I buy my own birthday cake etc. It's shit too, but atleast it's better than the absolute zero effort DH & DC make

It really does make you feel shit

but whatever happens I will put my big girl face back on and show up for my daughter whatever she needs tomorrow and we will do it together

because if it wasn’t for her I really don’t know how or where I would be in life

I appreciate you all that have responded I always feel so alone

Honey u are not stupid. I are a normal, loving person who has a selfish husband who is taking advantage of your good nature. You need to start treating yourself. Do not, EVER let a man decide what you are worth. Give yourself the best present and live yourself more and promise yourself a new life for you. With or without him. He has no excuse at all, he is just a dick. You don’t deserve this. Tray yourself right first. You have got this. Have happy birthday to a new you. One step at a time xx

Organise a treat for yourself. Book a spa day, trip to the theatre, a nice meal at a restaurant you'd like to try etc. Something that's just for you. Buy yourself something nice for your 40th too. Your husband is lazy and thoughtless, but you know that. He's not going to suddenly change, no matter how much you want him too. So take charge of your own birthday, going forwards. Of course you shouldn't have to, but the sad fact is, if you don't no one else will.

People treat you how you allow them to. Stop crying and thinking you’re ‘selfish’ for wanting some consideration. You deserve it and should absolutely expect it as a bare minimum.

I would be pretty pissed off if my family treated me with such lack of interest. You’re also role modelling doormat behaviour to your dd. There is a lazy, selfish male prick at the heart of this - dry your tears and find your anger at that, and the life you’ve wasted on him.

OP, your life doesn't have to be like this. Your family is shit and your husband is shit but you have a wonderful daughter and you too can form your own life away from that bunch. You're now 40 and it's time to think about how you want the next half of your life to be. For me it would be as far away from those as possible.

Try to have a lovely birthday but most of all start to plan what your future is going to be like.

🎂🎉 🎈

Buy him a bag of glitter dicks just because they reminded you of him.

Can you cancel the holiday? Or move it, I wouldn’t be going on a holiday if my husbands birthday falls when away, and he behaves like yours does.

Otherwise I would ignore the day when away

Happy birthday for tomorrow @GladBlueMoose.
Have you got time to order a supermarket delivery for tomorrow? Include a cake, favourite treats, bottle of wine?
Have a chill out day with DD watching films & eating the treats. Tell your useless husband to order or pick up your favourite takeaway on the way home. And you are not washing up.

Regardless of being on holiday on his birthday, I'd "forget" the date & ignore it. Let him realise what it's like. When he says "it's my birthday", you say "oh is it? Happy birthday. If you want you can find somewhere nice for lunch". And then wander off, continue with breakfast, whatever you were doing. No cards, presents, fuss. No guilt. You will simply be giving him the same energy he gives you.

Happy birthday!!!! 🎂🎂🎂
I know how you feel about being let down about your birthday. I use to make endless effort and surprises for my ex.
I remember one year he stayed out until 8pm the night before my birthday late night shopping and came home in a foul mood because he couldn't find anything I'd like and I was 'too difficult ' to buy for......
He then wouldn't speak to me and stayed in a mood all night because when was he supposed to find time to buy me a present.... erm he had 365 days since the last one 🤔
Anyway, he'd spent £100 on a gift card from a shop i never ever go in from our joint account and I was supposed to be grateful. He's an ex for a reason!
I'm now with the most amazing man ever who apprecaiets me and makes the effort to make me feel special on my birthday. Life's to short to waste it on someone who under appreciates you. Make space for someone to appreciate that the wonderful person that you are. You deserve that xx

Happy birthday OP. I'm sorry you have such a shit DH.

My DH is mostly great but his ability to plan and organise is liited and I'm already dreading my big birthday next year as I made SUCH an effort for his and I know he simply can't for mine. On the plus side, I know it's not because he doesn't care so I am actually considering having a quiet word with my sister/his sister/my friend to ask them to have a quiet word with him if necessary. But I wish I didn't have to do that.

Happy birthday, OP!

Lots of great advice on this thread, definitely time to match the energy of all those around you (unless of course your crappy husband has pulled something amazing out of the bag!). Have a lovely day with your DD.

They always used to say life begins at 40... Make it so, OP.

Happy birthday @GladBlueMoose
Can you afford to books break for you and Dd ? Is she allowed to travel any time soon?
Can I ask are you happy in your marriage if you aren’t maybe you should think about splitting. ?
If you think his ways are something you can live with I’d honestly start prioritising yourself now .
Book a weekend away and go yourself or book
stuff just you and Dd if he wants involved he will Have to step up . I wouldn’t hold my breath but I’d do my own thing then you can be disappointed .