How do I handle this

[Bankiebabe]

My sister and brother and I have never been close. We fell out badly when my mum died became estranged tbh.. We had a Very troubled childhood with CEN though we cope with it in different ways. My brother got married 6 years ago. I was not invited though my children dd 27 ds 21 were invited to full wedding. My brother didn't even tell me he was getting married found out via my kids.My sister moved house recently don't even have her address. My sister has one grown up daughter but they are not Uber close.

Ever since my daughter was born my sister has favoured her over my son. She took my DD to places my son never invited. It doesn't bother him as he has nothing in common with her or her husband. However she still invites my daughter out for lunch, to her home for dinner etc etc. no invitation for me. My DD is very independent so I can't and won't tell her what to do. My sister and brother inlaw are very good to my DD but they treat her like they are her parents and it irks me off so much. I find it so disrespectful. I'm finding it harder to cope with as my resentment building up but don't want to go to war with my family over this.How do I handle this and keep my dignity TIA.

Well your kids are adults so with the best will in the world, there’s nothing for you to handle. It’s up to them who they want in their lives or not.

You had a bad falling out with your brother and became estranged, so of course he wasn't going to tell you he was getting married.

If you were unhappy about her treating your DD differently and taking her places without inviting your son, why did you allow it?

I agree with @AmyDuPlantier, you're all adults so there's nothing to actually handle.

I think you'll find inner peace if you just leave them all to it.

Thanks. I just need to let it be. I suppose inner peace I'm looking for. My DD is 6 years older than my son
When she was 12 I became a single parent so my sister started taking my DD out for trips etc to cinema. My son was to young so that's why I let it start. Yes I should have put a stop to it but I'm a people pleaser because of my childhood trauma. My sister became hard and my brother Mr joker . All masks to hide the holes where emotional parenting should have been.

Maybe ask your dd not to tell you about her contact with your sister. She can do what she likes, but you don't really need to know about it.

Thanks yeah I'd rather not know. I think I should have been told about wedding as I was the one to have to hire my son a kilt and buy a present as he was 15 and invited to a whole day wedding I knew nothing about. I had to get permission for him to be absent from school.

Be thankful that your daughter has family that love and care about her.

The reason we became estranged after my mother's death is my sister screamed at me in hospital for daring to go sit withy mum who was in a coma..yes as petty as that. My brother just sat there said nothing. The two of them cleared my mum's house and never told me. Was handed a bag of things belonging to my mum while my sister gave my daughter my mum's engagement ring. My son got no momento of his gran.

Family relationships can be really hard.
I can see how it must annoy you how your sister is playing mum to your daughter. You’ve allowed the bond to form between them all by letting them take her out when she was little though.
I think as long as they aren’t bad mouthing you to your daughter there is nothing you can say about it really. Your daughter is now too old to change the bond she has with her Aunt and she can’t be expected to be put in the middle of it all.
It must feel very hurtful though.

That sounds incredibly painful, and you’re not wrong to feel hurt. It’s a complicated mix when family history, estrangement, and favouritism are all in the background. You’re doing the right thing by trying to protect your dignity and not drag your daughter into it – that takes strength. Maybe the first step is acknowledging how much it has affected you, and giving yourself permission to feel that without guilt. You don’t need to go to war, but it’s okay to set quiet boundaries for your own peace.

People will have favourites in families even positively.

I would let it go. If your DD gets support from a family member, I would let it go.

Your DS will develope his own relationships with family as he grows up.

I might try some counselling about this to look at why it bothers you.

I liked it when my DS had deep relationships within the wider family.

Good luck.

There is noting for you to handle. Your DD is an adult with her own adult relationships to manage which are separate to your relationships.

In my experience it is normal to have different relationships with family. I have two brothers, my aunty has two daughters. As a teen (and through to adulthood) I was very close to my aunty and my cousins but my brothers are and still not. A lot of this came from my cousins and my relationship and wanting to spend time together which led to me spending time with my aunty more. My cousin is a actually the same age as my brothers and I’m 4 years older than her but we are close. If my mum had tried to insist that my brothers were involved and invited to sleep overs and things it would not have gone well.

As a consequence, I’m still close to my aunty and cousins but my brothers have nothing to do with them. My mum is still very close with her sister. Everyone understands that this is how life goes.