Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Issue with DF

26 replies

MammaJamma1 · 02/06/2025 17:12

First post but I'm inside my own head and need to let it out.

Married 12 years, about 7 years ago after our 1st child was born my DF and DH had a falling out. Over something and nothing, our side we were knackered, non sleeper, every illness going. I know my DH probably spoke sharply to my DF but expected a bit of leeway as we were broken. Neither side has really apologised but it was a storm in a teacup.

Long story short my DF refuses to acknowledge my DH's existence. Polite in same room, think family wedding's etc. But otherwise doesn't ask after him, doesn't comment if I mention him. I facilitate visits with my DD to their house.

My DF has always been someone who's moods we had to tiptoe around, what hurt me most was my DM was firmly on my DFs side and couldn't empathise how much we struggled with our DD. We always have to worry about not upsetting DF. I'm a grown woman and this continues to upset me and I just need to have someone hear me. I'm not even sure what I'm asking. But thank you for listening.

OP posts:
Original poster
MammaJamma1 · 06/06/2025 13:26

Barrenfieldoffucks · 06/06/2025 07:50

Sometimes an outside perspective is so valuable. I posted here about 18 months ago about an argument with my sister, fully expecting to get my arse handed to me. But instead saw a whole new side to the issue.

Sometimes when you're so used to a dynamic, especially one that is supported by other members of the family (like your mother in this instance) you think it is normal and reasonable and that anyone challenging it, or rocking the boat (like your husband) is unreasonable. Because the fall out is uncomfortable.

An outsider can look and say, well no, that dynamic is unhealthy and unfair, and your husband is right. It's a strange feeling, but so valuable.

Yes! Absolutely this. It's been excellent for articulating the growing discomfort I feel with the situation. It's always been uncomfortable but now I'm furious at myself for letting it go for so long.

My husband was brought up saying what he felt and confronting any issues and I wasn't. So I did always excuse Dad's behaviour. But, actually no, despite everything this isn't right.

I have genuinely been so appreciative of each and every response. Have been researching 'drop the rope'!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page