Is this normal or am I being to sensitive?

[Tilly1994]

Hi. Me and my partner have been together for 8 months. I have felt before that any disagreement we have, I am to blame for. I do a lot of reflecting and I see things from everyone’s point of view. So whilst I am mad at something that has happened and he’s said or done I do understand what I could do differently and I voice that to him. He doesn’t seem to take accountability or apologise unless I apologise first and resolve the initial fall out. When we are back on good terms, this is when he says sorry.

On Saturday I was teaching him how to play a card game. No issues whilst playing, very light hearted etc. He lost. He then told me “you were getting angry at me because I didn’t know how to play the game”. Hand on heart I felt absolutely no anger or frustration whilst teaching him how to play it. He kept telling me I was and then started saying “I’m sorry I don’t know how to play the game”. As it continued I eventually did become angry. Then he said “see are you telling me you aren’t angry” I said “I am now I wasn’t then”. Anyway I kissed him afterwards and we moved on. When we went to bed I needed something off the top of my wardrobe but I couldn’t reach as I’m small 🤣. He is 6ft 4. I asked him to help me, he said “I’m in bed”. I had to go down get a chair and take it back down and he sat there and just watched me. I felt silly for being angry about this. But I was. Then again, everything was fine. I get up each morning he plays golf at a weekend to make him a brew before he leaves. He kissed me on the cheek, went downstairs. Whilst I was getting up, he drove off. He was so quiet and snuck out of my house without saying bye and that he was leaving. I messaged him asking him why he just did this. He responded “You know I have golf! Your going to put me in a bad mindset now before the game”. I responded by saying you never up and leave, I was always going to ask you about it. If you have a bad mindset that’s not on me”. I have not heard from him since. I really don’t know what to do. I’m a very anxious person, and now I just feel like I’m in limbo and need people to talk too. And maybe see if there’s anything I did wrong in this as this is probably the only conflict I can’t find what I did wrong.

thank you in advance

8 months in and all this drama. Cut your losses now and move on. This should be the honeymoon period.

You get up to make him a brew before golf but he can't be arsed to get out of bed for a minute to help you?
Nope!
Taxi!

Oh no OP I couldn’t be doing with that - he sounds like a child! You deserve better.

I stumbled across these questions a while ago and I think they are really valuable as a tool to evaluate your relationship:

1. If someone told you, “You’re a lot like your partner” Would this be a compliment to you?

2. Are you truly fulfilled or just less lonely?

3. Are you able to be unapologetically yourself ? Or Do you feel the need to show up differently to please your partner?

4. Are you in love with who your partner is right now as a whole? Or Are you only in love with their good side, their potential, or the idea of them?

5. Would you want your future or imagined child to date someone like your partner?

Imo those who chose golf over nurturing their relationship are cunts.
Ltb and don't look back.

It shouldn't be like this. After only 8 months he should be leaping up to get the thing off the wardrobe for you. Either you really aren't compatible, you are both very immature or he's a bit of a prick. Whatever it is, this doesn't sound like a great relationship.

Big big red flags in this one. He's training you how to behave. No wonder you're so anxious. Throw the cretin back.

He sounds vindictive and nasty and almost as though he actively dislikes you.
You really don't deserve to be treated like this OP.

Throw him back OP.

I'm not sure I could be doing with all that bother.

He’s a fucking selfish prick who is training you never to question him and behave like a good little handmaiden.

Theres a lot of red flags here that could indicate the early stages of control/manipulation/abuse - I’d throw this one back and find your self esteem.

Soon as I read Golf it’s a no, that’s so rude to leave without properly saying goodbye and now he’s giving you the silent treatment or ghosting, he’s blown it if he tries to come back? just get yourself back out there, assume it over.

@Fruitsconeandacuppa
Great questions! So many threads on here could do with seeing them.

And this how how gaslighting starts and becomes a very effecting way of controlling someone in a relationship. The person on the receiving end ends up confused and self blaming.
get out OP before he ruins your self worth completely, you deserve, everyone deserves, to feel emotionally safe in a relationship

You are sensitive, he sees it and gaslights you. He doesn’t value you and he’s emotionally immature. He’s a waste of time. Leave him to his golf.

Relationships should not be such hard work.

Throw him back from whence he came. He’s more interested in golf than you.

Eight months in and already he can't hide that he's a tool. It's better to be single than have a "partner" that makes you question yourself like this OP. You have done nothing wrong. You will be less anxious with him out of your life.

Agree with everyone else. He sounds horrible. Throw him back before you waste any more time on him.