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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Exhausted

5 replies

Tiredgirl88 · 01/06/2025 17:37

Just looking for some kind words .
I've had a very up and down relationship with my current partner , lots of hurtful things have been said in our years of being together. Not much has changed , evety month or so another disagreement starts , I don't set out to participate but he says such hurtful things that he leaves me feeling like a different person. My older daughter always gets a mention too ( I feel he's jealous of our relationship and bond ) .
His children are very socially awkward and seem military around him, ( he has 3 ) I get no help around the house from none of them and all are quite lazy although I admit I do everything myself then moan that I'm tired.
I keep a beautiful home and garden, work full time and have a good routine for all children, I've been told im attractive and a well liked person and never had any beef or drama with anyone except him. Even when things are nicer I can't let go what he's said, after any argument we go to bed and he's nice and says its all forgotten and we have sex then the next day he is bothering me all day with his beef towards me . I don't want to forget the good times as we've had 10 good years but it should be smoother and we should only be having occasional fall outs as life is nice. I have no clue what to do I don't want a divorce and font have a clue where to start if I was to leave. My hormones are terrible and erratic and I'm emotional every day pretty much. I'm also permanently shattered with all of this up and down lifestyle plus working full time . Please help with some kind advice . ( also how can I train myself to not respond when he has beef and not take it to heart because I feel it's never meant as he never leaves after all these years - however he never seems genuinely sorry when he sees my tears ) can be very cold but also very kind ...

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 01/06/2025 17:54

I'm not sure what advice you're looking for. He's horrible and you're taking care of his children for him. He seems to be taking advantage of you and using you for sex.

You're probably emotional every day because you're exhausted and with an emotional abuser. They're very draining as you're always walking on eggshells.

You're not married and you work so leaving involves sorting out housing.

AuntyTraybake · 01/06/2025 18:51

If he’s costing your peace it’s too expensive. Stop doing everything. Start looking for a new flat. Don’t tell him you’re doing it. Leave when he’s not around.

Tiredgirl88 · 04/06/2025 18:55

I can't reason , I have to block him on messages as he's texting me for 12 hours straight the next day whether I'm at home, with friends/family or at work there's no stopping him. Yet the night before he says its forgotten. I'm shattered inside , I don't want to upset the childrens world I don't want to give up with it all but I can't cope . I have no money where do I start if I moved out ? My childrens life / schooling would all be thrown in the air. I'm just emotionally done. I'm trying to distance myself from everyone in the household

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 04/06/2025 22:48

I assume the house is in his name. If so,you can contact Refuge via webchat or the National Domestic Abuse helpline which is available 24/7.

Keep all evidence of his harassment such as text messages. You can contact Shelter for housing advice. Turn2Us can advise you on benefits.

Silvertulips · 04/06/2025 22:52

You have a daughter, is this the relationship you want for her? Is this the example you are setting?

Luving in the gutter would be better than this waste of space.

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