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Relationships

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Confused but I think it's a good thing? Thoughts?

6 replies

Saskiamae · 01/06/2025 12:28

Hi all, I was hoping to get others thoughts on this as I'm a little confused, not necessarily in a bad way.
I left a long term relationship last year, he was abusive in the last few years of the relationship.

I've been working on myself for quite a while, really come to terms with it all and built myself and my confidence back up. I'm feeling good and really embracing life again.

I started seeing someone recently. He is a nice, kind, average kind of man. We get on well, it's very easy. Sexual chemistry is there and so far everything in that department has been phenomenal. He's confident without being cocky and knows how to please a woman.
He has many other really attractive qualities too.

However I don't see him as long-term, physically he isn't my type, I feel attracted enough to him to have a FWB type relationship but not enough to sustain a long term one. This has confused me a bit! I can be intimate with him and not feel any kind of emotional hold or feel controlled by him. I feel a connection with him but it's a nice, lighthearted one.
I've always approached any men I meet with the attitude of let's make this work, always looking long term and serious. This is a new experience for me.

I'm a bit worried that I'm now terrified of commitment or falling in love again.
It's feeling very empowering to have a intimate relationship with someone without feeling tied down at all.
Do I just carry on enjoying this set up and not overthink it?
In my mind it makes sense to have fun with someone I know I probably won't ever see as long-term because I'm kind of scared to meet someone who I think is everything I want, fall for them and then get hurt or let down like I did last time?
I know I probably have stuff to work on still but someone tell me it's ok to just enjoy some great sex and the company of a nice man without feeling like I need to commit?

OP posts:
FutureCatMum · 01/06/2025 12:36

That’s a lot of overthinking. If it’s going well then keep seeing him. It may fizzle out, in which case you’ve enjoyed a rebound fling. Or it may end up being more serious.
If he treats you well, don’t self sabotage that by looking for the kind of connection you had with men who were abusive. Give it time and see where it goes.

minnienono · 01/06/2025 12:37

Another person saying don’t overthink it, what will be will be. Have fun!

GladAllOver · 01/06/2025 12:42

I think it's great. You're having fun without the risks involved with being tied to something that might not work long term.
But beware, feelings can grow in a FWB relationship!

yeesh · 01/06/2025 12:47

Just enjoy it and see where it goes. Not every relationship has to be forever. I think approaching relationships with “let’s make it work” can mean you put up with things you shouldn’t and ignore red flags early on.

Beamur · 01/06/2025 12:49

it's ok to just enjoy some great sex and the company of a nice man without feeling like I need to commit?
It is. Just seen how it goes.

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 01/06/2025 14:00

However I don't see him as long-term, physically he isn't my type, I feel attracted enough to him to have a FWB type relationship but not enough to sustain a long term one.

It's fine as long as he is aware of this. Otherwise, you're being really unfair.

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