Should I leave my husband and if I just leave with Dd will this cause me problems in court.

[Mia20222]

I'm going through a tough time with DH. I feel unwanted and unappreciated. We have a 2-year-old, but our relationship is strained. He rarely initiates intimacy, he even once told me that I could sleep with others if I wanted, and has refused to consider divorce. He's 16 years older, treats me like a child, and avoids going out together. I feel like he’s embarrassed of me. (I’m very attractive 29year old). Despite discussing fixing our relationship and having another baby, I often feel lonely and unloved. He seems excited about having another child, and he is a good dad to our daughter. I feel like the only reason he married me is to have kids and don’t feel left out as all of his friends are married with kids. I feel lost—am I overreacting? Should I have another baby with him anyways even though I know this relationship won’t survive?? I don’t know what to do I really want another baby- a sibling for my daughter who’s going to be three next month.. He’ll never divorce me.. he’ll make my life miserable.. should I just forget about being loved by him and just focus on being a good mother?

Why would you want to bring another child into this situation?
Start making plans to leave.

Obviously don’t have another baby. For goodness sake. You don’t need his permission to divorce him. Just get on with that.

You can divorce him you know? No reason at age 29 to be stuck in this horrible marriage
Absolutely bring another child into this mess

You’re 29!! Leave him, take some time to heal and focus on your Dd.
youve got another 10+ years to meet a lovely new partner and have more children if that’s what you want

Or make a life without a man, they aren’t essential to our wellbeing.

You can divorce this man @Mia20222 . You don’t need his permission. DO NOT have another child with him.

You don't need permission to split and divorce. So you can do this and build the life you want.

So your need to have a child is more important that the poor other child you will have? It should not be all about you

Thank you everyone.. in my situation it’s so hard to just leave. I can’t afford to rent somewhere even though I work full time.( I’m a nurse). I don’t have any family where we live.. He has all his family here. He threatened to take my daughter away from me if I dared to leave. He makes me feel like I’m bad mother and only care about myself because I want to break the relationship. I do feel guilty at times, as I want my daughter to grow up in a home with both parents present and supportive.

@Growllingcouldnt agree more. I’m a single mum and have been for 10+ years. My point was only that if she wanted a bigger family she could find someone better to do that with

No, you should not subject another child to this deeply unpleasant situation.

i say this with kindness but it doesn’t sound like having your dc growing up in are supportive and
loving is an option in your current relationship?

This sounds like a very unhappy marriage. If he’s said he wants to work on the relationship could you start with suggesting marriage counselling? Having kids is hard work, and it might help you to talk through how you’re feeling - and it could get you to a point where you either try and repair or agree to split up.

It’s no fault divorce if you’re in the UK which means you could file tomorrow and he cannot refuse. Before you do anything though I would speak to a solicitor to find out where you stand. Starting point is 50/50 split of all marital assets. Does he work? How does childcare work now? Who is the default parent? It sounds like he would want 50/50 childcare (or more but would be very very unlikely to get it) in which case you wouldn’t receive child maintenance from him. He’s talking nonsense though - he cannot legally take your child away from you.

You’re so young, you could go on to build a life and family with someone and who treats you as an equal and is proud to be with you. Don’t waste your youth or have any more children with a man who doesn’t respect or appreciate you.

Threatening to take your child away is coercive control. You need to talk to Women's aid asap.
Do not have another child with him, no matter what.
Getting away from him is whats best for you and your daughter.
Do you feel he targeted you for a child?
He is so much older than you.
Did he move you away from your family and friends to isolate you?

Talk to Women's aid as soon as you can.

Do not accept being threatened by him.
That is what abusive controlling men do, use the children to control you.

Tell your family and friends what is going on.
Will your boss help you.
Reach out for support.

He can't take your daughter away, he can't not divorce you, he'll have to pay CMS and you could well get UC to help with rent. Arm yourself with the facts rather than filling your head with his unfounded threats and get your power back. You clearly want to leave and your wish for another DC shouldn't get in the way. As a 'very attractive 29 year old' you have plenty of time to get yourself away, get your independence and self-esteem back, and have another DC later with a proper partner. But a man who tells you sleep with other men and makes you feel this way is not a good dad and it's a toxic situation to bring another DC into.

Thank you everyone
@TheRealMrsFeltzyes I’m in the UK and he also works full time. The mortgage is under his name as well. And yes he would definitely want 50/50 childcare.
@JellyrolsI think I would definitely talk to women’s aid.
@pinkdelighti definitely agree.. it’s time for me to wake up and do something about my life.
I appreciate you all.

Do not bring another baby into a bad relationship.

Ok so you need to make a plan. If you can’t afford to rent where you are now - think about looking for a job close to where you’ve got family to support you. Good thing about nursing is that you can work anywhere! When you’re ready - just go. He can’t stop you and he can’t avoid paying you child maintenance and half the value of your house and any other assets. He can’t take your daughter unless you can’t look after her, though of course he will be able to have access. Try not to worry about daughter not having both parents there - she’ll be better in a poorer house with one happy parent than in a home where there’s no love, growing up thinking that this is how married adults behave. Start to make your plan, it won’t seem so hopeless once you’re actually getting on with it and you realise it can be done.