Courage to leave

[Serendipity444]

I have been in an 'on / off' relationship for 5 years. Soon after I moved in with him he began shouting at me over the smallest of things. He quickly began to lose his temper fast over strange things so I learned to adjust how I would say things to him. He is the nicest person to everyone else, out in public etc. But has the shortest fuse with me. I have somewhere to go but no courage to do it because I know that he will become a nightmare sending messages and breaking me. I feel very scared of his temper, he has never hit me but he is very scary when he's angry and he gets angry so easily that I can never talk to him honestly. Has anyone else had the courage to leave?

Yes. You might want to read this book because he will escalate. He’s abusive.

https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/mode/1up?view=theater

If you have somewhere to go, wait until he’s out of the house for a few hours. Pack up your stuff, (all the important stuff) and go to your safe place. Once there send him a text message telling him it’s over and not to contact you again. Then block his number and block him on social media, email, etc. If he turns up at your safe place, don’t answer the door. Just call the police. They will remove him. Don’t tell him anything before you leave. Just do it.

If you’re working, check your workplace policy for supporting staff experiencing abuse. They can give you time off to move out and things like that.

You don’t have to live like this. You can leave. If you have a male family member have them come with you to pack your stuff and move and even stay with you overnight the first night so you feel safe. You can also call the police once you’re in your safe place and explain you’ve just left an abusive relationship and you’d like them to put a tag on your address so that if he turns up and you call them, they will arrive quickly.

I've left, but it's definitely not easy. If you can you should block him once you left if you are expecting him to send you lots of messages, to allow yourself space and time to disentangle your heart and feelings from him, without being influenced and getting confused by a barrage of messages and guilt tripping from him. It's been 6 weeks since I last saw him, and my head and heart are still all over the place. I have weak moments where I miss him and wish I could see him. I think that if he called or turned up during one of those weak moments, I might not be strong enough to turn him away.
But when I'm alone I just sit with those feelings and know they will pass. Tomorrow I'll be sure I'm doing the right thing again. I know there are days when I'm not sure, but I'll just have to keep letting those days pass without contact until they no longer occur.
Receiving messages from him would make this 100x harder, so it's best to protect yourself from that.

You are doing the right thing. You can't continue to live your life with someone who scares you and leaves no space for you. That's not love and not sustainable long term. It will just hurt you until only a shell is left. No one is worth it to do that to you.

Reading the book "was it even abuse" has helped me stay strong in my resolve during my weak moments.

I wish you all the best. Talk on here as much as you need to or pm me if you want to.

Where do you want to be in 5 years?
Do as pps advise and get out of there.