I need some advice please. Please be kind, I am feeling very distressed with my feelings at the moment. I’m married 8 years, two dc. I’ve always got on well with a guy at work (I know, this story is literally the most unoriginal story ever) but not had a huge amount to do with him. I always got the impression he was attracted to me a bit, but we rarely spoke. However whenever we did we got on well and there was a bit of a spark. I didn’t really think much about him at all when I didn’t see him. He’s also married with children.
last year our roles slightly changed and we spent more time together within work. I began to really have a crush on him. At first this was quite fun and it felt relatively harmless (I mean, I am quite comfortable with the idea of married people still finding other people attractive sometimes) however over the last six months something has shifted. we often make eye contact with each other and he gives me quite a flirtatious smile. On a few occasions he’s really held my gaze. We both know exactly what we’re doing. Never actually spoken about it - when we talk it’s all professional or just friendly chat. We’re
not rude about our spouses to each other or anything like that.
i don’t have his number. Rarely email. No social media. It’s only when we bump into each other briefly at work, which is most days.
anyway, I HATE this feeling. I think about him all the time. Fantasise about him all the time. I am fully aware of the fact that I barely know him and he could never live up to the fantasy in my head, but I can’t stop.
I do not want to have an affair, but I hate the fact that suddenly I do not trust myself. It’s making me really sad - it’s ridiculous. I do not want to break up two marriages (I assume he doesn’t want to either) yet I feel sad that we’ll never be together.
maybe i’m thinking about this too seriously, should just enjoy a little crush, but it’s really upsetting me.
DH is very committed and would never behave like this colleague is towards another woman. I’m sure he finds other women attractive, but I know he’d never go there. Dh and I have had a few rough patches over the years. He has been very depressed at times and I still feel bitter about all the times that we could have had fun, but instead were miserable. He behaved pretty badly in some ways at times, shouted at me quite a lot, criticised. A few years ago I seriously considered going to a divorce lawyer for advice. I never spoke to any family or friends about it, and felt very lonely.
however dh is much better now - he’s gone to therapy, he’s cut back massively on alcohol, he now accepts that he was very depressed. I just can’t quite forget some of his behaviour.
anyway sorry this is a long one. I don’t want to be this pathetic and desperate, lusting after a married man. Any advice please.