Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Narcissist?

5 replies

Shoby1 · 31/05/2025 21:37

So, in a nutshell my partner of 10 years has a successful career and is admired by his colleagues and all of his friends who think he is caring, generous and would do anything for them. Indeed he does. However what they don't see is what myself and my 18 Yr old daughter (previous relationship) sees: most nights he has a beer, not massively excessive but maybe 4 on a week night, more at the weekend. I basically sit on tenterhooks waiting for him to 'turn' after beer number 4: he becomes argumentative and generally not a nice guy, often snarling at me if something doesn't go his way e.g. if a takeaway arrives late all hell breaks loose and i just wait for it to start. I've tried talking to him but he has a good knack of twisting most things round so that he appears the victim or makes it sound like im over reacting. What I can't decide is whether he's got a drink problem, is a narcissist, is stressed, control freak or all 4! We have 2 kids together and I don't want to leave him because it would break their hearts but I have to be honest I am pretty miserable most of the time. I don't know how to move forward with this ....

OP posts:
SodOffbacktoaibu · 31/05/2025 21:40

Does it matter which label fits? He sounds awful and you and your daughter should look to move on without him. You'll be happier.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/05/2025 21:48

Why would it break your kids hearts if you were to leave him?. No it would not. You’re miserable understandably because of this dysfunctional relationship.

Do not use the kids as a reason to stay with such a terrible example of a man. What do you want to teach them about relationships?. You are currently showing them this treatment of you, and in turn them, is acceptable to you. Do you want them to accept the same in their relationships because you do currently?. No you do not, you would went better for them do you should want better for you also. Be brave here and make the break from your drunkard partner.

SodOffbacktoaibu · 31/05/2025 22:06

Sorry I missed the mention of your two kids with him. It's hard but you can't live your life treading on eggshells.

chatgptsbestmate · 31/05/2025 22:18

I doubt it would break the children's hearts.
Leave him

tellmesomethingtrue · 31/05/2025 22:31

You need to look up D.A.R.V.O.
This is how many men manipulate their wives, myself included.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page