Family man

[MummyKelJel]

How would you feel if your fiancé and father of your two children said
‘ I’m not a family man I’m just a dad ‘ ……….

I would be reconsidering the relationship to be honest, not sure how you come back from that? I'd be devastated.

I'd ask him to explain what he meant by that. He has a fiance and two children, so how is he not a family man?

I would ask him what he means by that. He's the only person to solve this mystery.

He wouldn’t elaborate fully,
our 3 year old is autistic and our 1 year old may have brittle bone disease ( we’re waiting for our appointment) He said that when he use to imagine being a dad this wasn’t it …….
I know it can be hard but now I just feel like we’re not wanted. I’ve always felt like he’s embarrassed of us , he’s never posted us on social media etc so I guess he just confirmed all my thoughts.

Devastated is exactly how I feel .

Your children are very young. Finding out your children have lifelong special needs or disabilities can bring a lot of grief and need to process on the path to acceptance. Of course this isn't what he planned and pictured when he thought of having a family. I bet it wasn't what you planned and pictured either. It sounds, from your latest update, like he may be in a grieving process and coming to terms with the hand that has been dealt. All quite normal. Maybe he could use some counselling support to work through his feelings? The ages of your children tell that this is all reasonably fresh for you both.

If you and your partner are usually fine then have a heat to hear. You need to talk to him. Set aside time and being this up non confrontationally. As others said could be a denial thing. Or he is depressed. Ould be anything.

I did think it sounded like the grieving process , I told him that I understood it was hard and I sent him some links that my sons SALT sent me a while back to see if those would also help him understand him better.

I wouldn’t say we have the best relationship children aside. He can be hurtful in his words , calls me names ( told him to stop several times , still continues ) Lots of lying , sneaking around .
Parenting is left to me 24/7 , he’s never got up with the children in the night or changed a nappy.
On his days off he just plays Runscape on his laptop and then says it’s because we can’t do anything with the kids without a meltdown 🤷🏼‍♀️

I just feel deflated , I feel like I’m trying my best to keep everything and everyone together but feel like this isn’t what he wants but he just won’t say it ??

sorry to rant

So even if he is going through a grieving process, it sounds like he was like this well before there were any identified issues, and there are issues worth addressing here aside from that.

It wouldn't be uncommon at your children's ages to have meltdowns when going out anyway. Not helping with parenting isn't okay and can be dealt with. Maybe he did have an unrealistic expectation of fatherhood on the whole, or is more a person who enjoys older children? That all seems insignificant compared to the bigger things you mention though. The things I'd be more concerned with are the sneaking around, lying a lot and calling you names. Those aren't okay in any circumstance.

That’s actually very true !
I don’t know what he was expecting ? If the children weren’t disabled then he’d have still been the same 🤷🏼‍♀️ Am I just making excuses for him ?

No , things need to change , there’s a big lack of respect which I don’t want the boys to grow up thinking is acceptable .