Do you think there’s such a thing as

[LightCameraBitchSmile]

An attractive, accomplished, stable woman with interests/hobbies and no red flags who actively dates and puts herself out there, but still ends up alone?

I ask after a weird rejection yesterday and just wondering how much faith to put into the assumption that if I just keep trying I’ll meet someone.

I’ve not had a relationship for 4 years and not had sex in 18 months. I’m in my early 30s. I’m just a bit fed up and feeling low.

Have you watched Jorden Peterson Video on this. Hard pill to swallow but what he speaks about is so true.
Accomplished women intimidate men - very few men will want to try and so the dating pool is very small to find 'the right one".

I think the poster is saying that the men who are least likely to be threatened by her relative success and stability are older men who have already accomplished this themselves and won’t see her as a threat to their own race to achieve. It’s unfortunate but true.

This is everything, really. Yours will come & please , avoid men with children. You totally do kit need the hassle that comes with being a step parent.

All the best to you. x

This is everything, really. Yours will come & please , avoid men with children. You totally do kit need the hassle that comes with being a step parent.

I was going to add to a previous post that you may find yourself dating men who already have life experience and that comes with a whole lot of other baggage… ex wives and children. I met my DH after his divorce and whilst he is only 5 years older than me we are compatible with our ambitions and have built a very successful business, something he was unable to do with his ex wife who does not have very good financial skills and is presently getting divorced again due to her financial infidelity. Our lives are wonderful now 15 years on but children and ex wives can bring another dynamic which is often so toxic. Sorry OP. Sounds tough.

I’d also add to that the older men/much younger women can often be an unhealthy dynamic.

And while people can just happen to meet someone who is younger than them, often there is a lot of misogyny involved when men seek younger women out. I’ve always been put off by men who actively refuse to date within their age group.

There’s plenty of women on here with significantly older men that have stories about how awful their husbands are. Not to mention the fact they might end up having to care for their husbands rather sooner than later. Or slow their lifestyle down. There’s such a big difference between 55 and 70.

I think the oldest I’d go is 10 years at a push
and he’d have to be fit and taking care of himself - and have no kids.

I can completely believe it @Pickle991

Only woman who have been in this position or have friends in this position are aware of it.
ALL of my single friends are the sanest, smartest, funniest and more gorgeous woman around. My husband cannot understand it (I suppose he is not wired the same as the majority - thats why we ended up married).

My mother was horrific to me in my early 30s when I was single - ‘You are too fussy’ ‘What did you do to ruin this one now’ ‘I cannot keep up with it’ - I told her you have no idea how hard it is for woman like me to date. She also could not believe it when I bought my own property - suggesting as another PP did above that I was incapable / too stupid to do so as there was not a big sensible strong man to help me. When I found my husband at 35/36 and she seen my 7 carat engagement ring she nearly died, her source of belittlement was gone 🤣.

I obviously do not take much to do with my Mum anymore. She would never have understood the psychology of it all - she found it much easier to date in her 30s as a single woman, on the dole, out of work for the most part, council house with three children just scraping by. Funny that.

That’s so bizarre. I have saw it online but I always hoped it was bots. I can’t believe some men actually think like this? Surely it’s a good thing if a woman owns her own home?!

I need to know a man is at least reasonably successful before we date, they don’t need to be rich - they can be a teacher for example.

But I want to know they are professional or work in a trade and live on their own. I am not rich (yet 😄) but I have a successful creative career and a steady decent income.

When I did OLD I hated it when men didn’t list their work in their dating profile. And when you’d ask them they’d get a bit defensive. One guy had trade union rep down as his job title , and I asked if that is a job in and of itself? I’d always known people to do that alongside their main job.

He said “yes it’s about helping people. What do you do” which was basically a vague answer, followed by a deflection - and my job title was in my profile!

I eventually stopped swiping on men who don’t list their job, as I found most of the ones with decent careers include it on their profile. The ones who don’t usually turn out to be doing unskilled MW work or unemployed with no real plan and I don’t think we’d be a good match.

I'm in the same boat, but I'm 53 so the pool of suitable/available men is much smaller. I have all my sh*t together, I have a well-written profile that mentions hobbies etc, I get plenty of "likes" on my photos etc, but I've only had one 10-month relationship in the past 4 years. The men I like don't like me back, the ones that do don't reply, just send suggestive emojis or can't string more than two words together. They are almost always unemployed, and/or living with their parents/in a shared house etc. It makes me really question my worth when this is all I can attract, despite seemingly having plenty going for me. Trying to find someone is very depressing.

I am recently divorced. There were a huge range of issues which developed after my career accelerated beyond his. His utter contempt was so clear once I started earning more than him. I have a pretty senior role in a male dominated profession. Weirdly my male colleagues are fine and don't seem to be intimidated at all. Men I meet socially however are lovely right up until they find out what I do for a living. Then they either back off, or pick it pieces. I fully expect to be single for the rest of my life now. I'm very sad about that, but I won't settle.

Men are dysfunctional…. Don’t let them grind you down with their dysfunctional behaviour

Heading towards my sixties now but at age 26 with one failed marriage and a child I spent six years looking for someone else. Plenty of dates and a long term ish potential marriage mate but at 32 thought wtf was I doing.

drew back. Worked on my friendship groups and finances and stopped thinking I could only be happy if I were in a relationship. Actively avoided dating

then when I was least looking up he popped. In fact I told him I wasn’t interested and why so we became friends but a year down the line I realised we had a connection and it was very strong.

he’d had a turbulent marriage and divorce and didn’t want to re marry but three years later both our feelings about previous relationships changed regarding us and we did marry. Twenty three fabulous years. He recently passed away but he was totally the best years of my life and although going forward life is hard I wouldn’t change my life if I could go back.

my thoughts are is stop looking and focus on yourself and likely it will just happen

I totally agree with this.

Your comment on how accepting your colleagues are in comparison to your Dh is one of two things:

1. Men are different creatures at home
2. You are more likely to find your match in a partner of equal career success

The men I like don't like me back, the ones that do don't reply, just send suggestive emojis or can't string more than two words together. They are almost always unemployed, and/or living with their parents/in a shared house etc

@jubs15 That sucks and it’s hard no internalise it but it’s likely just your age pure and simple. So it’s no reflection on who you are as a person. It’s about men’s sexism and ageism!

Unfortunately single men your age and even older who think they’ve achieved anything are probably going to be going for women in their 40s or even late 30s, on dating apps.

The 53 year old men who aren’t like that and are happy to date women their age are probably less likely to be on dating apps. So it reduces the pool greatly.

Exactly this. Men think we don't know why they don't want us. We are fine with men like that not wanting us. Grateful even. Because they are so busying flying their red flag for all to see, we can mutually avoid each other.

I really hope that heading-towards-success 20 year old women today know how to recognise these flag flying losers, because frankly, my life would have been a lot better if I'd been able to overcome my hormones and avoid them a lot earlier.

Marry your equal or don't marry at all.

I am 37, never had a bf, bought my own home at 24. I work in admin so I'm not exactly a high flyer.

My parents were so supportive of my buying a home alone at that age. I understood that there was no guarantee of "my man" turning up anyway so I had best just get a foot on the ladder.

I didn't actually think that my assumption would turn out to be correct! I guess all my possible matches got lost along the way or married someone else!

I'm not sure if I have red flags myself but it does seem that all the ones I want are already taken 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m divorced and nearly 40 I was with my ex husband for 10 years which I am grateful as had my son with him . I was always ambitious but the more I progressed at work the more the put downs came from him . The more the digs the more the jibes the more the distance . A shame but I’ve never really found anyone since who is right for me . I recently met a man who’s ex wife had a good job and he was so bitter is was awful . I’d love to know where all the secure (emotionally, financially) men are that are say 43 years old to 50 but suspect they are all taken

I think you are right on both counts.