Fuming

[SparklyBrickViper]

Last week found out I’d been offered a promotion and accepted it on Wednesday.
Told H, who takes absolutely no interest in anything I do or achieve, so only in the context that I will now have a three hour commute on “office” days.

Currently waiting for HR to sort out the paperwork so I haven’t told anyone (I have mentioned on another thread in work section), in real life other than my boss, and direct reports in work.

Just got a message from my mother and her sister congratulating me on the said promotion.
H has taken it upon himself to let my parents know before I’ve even had the opportunity to tell them myself. When I asked him why he didn’t let me tell them myself as it’s my news he responded “why is it a problem?”.

Have now also found out that he’s told his family despite the fact non of them speak to me unless they want something. Last spoke to my sil over a year ago when she needed a lift.

I’m absolutely fuming.

You've upgraded your job, maybe it's time to upgrade your husband. Toss him in the bin and start over.

You have your own money and he's a joy sucking knob. Life us too short!

Did you tell him not to tell anyone? Why are you with someone who isn't interested in you?

I would take it that he’s proud of you. If DH did that I’d be happy.

@MiloMinderbinder925 he's financial dependent on me and I’m his carer.

With that attitude and behaviour from your DH get rid of him. He sounds shit.

Rude!

You would have liked to get a reaction.

His attitude stinks. Get rid.

Move closer to work.

Maybe he is proud of you?

Can't see the problem unless you told him it was a secret and not to tell anyone. It's not such a big deal surely.

Because it’s not his news to tell and their not his parents?

Without knowing more about your relationship, I’d say that it shows he’s proud of you.

saying that, you mention that he doesn’t acknowledge your achievements. That would make me incredibly sad. It would make me feel unvalued. And it would make me doubt whether he told his family with pride, or more that he told them to imply you’re prioritising your career over caring for him.

Either he’s proud of you - or he’s complaining that you’ll be away from home longer. Context is everything.. I’m guessing also that if you’re his carer, he probably doesn’t have much going on to talk about so relishes the chance to have something to say. I wouldn’t necessarily be hard on him for this - but I’d wonder if it’s a sign that you’re just kind of fed up of him.

What is the problem? He was happy and told a few people, you were going to tell your family anyway and why shouldn't he tell his family, unless you told him it was a secret. Did he go out of his way to tell your family or was it just a casual conversation and he dropped it in?

I might be a bit disappointed if I wanted to have a big reveal with my family, 'surprise isn't this great, time for a glass of bubbly' type of thing, otherwise no big deal.,

Yikes if you divorced would he be able to claim maintenance?

I mean that sounds like a him problem.

Obviously if he's sick that may afford him some slack but...you get to decide how much.

Do you get a carers allowance?
If so, so will-a carer!

Has he gone out of his way to tell them, or has he got overexcited and blurted it out with pride in regular conversation with them?

Yes probably @Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet.

He does work but has a progressive illness. He has plenty of his own stuff going on to talk to people about. What has annoyed me is that most times he’ll cut me off mid sentence or completely change the subject to talk about himself or his own situation.
Hence in my original post I mentioned his disinterest or acknowledgment.

He hasn’t asked me anything about the job, and his only comment was that the commute wasn’t that bad really.
I specifically did say I want to get all the HR side resolved before anything else happens.

Clearly I’m being unreasonable but I wouldn’t dream of telling someone else’s news because it’s not my news to tell.

I was going to say exactly this. Why does it matter?

Because as OP said it was her news to tell not his. Also she made it clear that the paperwork hadn’t fully cleared yet so she was deliberately not telling anyone else yet. Add to this that she said her OH wasn’t all that interested yet runs to spill the news to her direct family like wtf?! Yeah that would pee me off too! It also seems as though she didn’t want personal news of herself mentioned to his family as there is no relationship there and yet he went and breached that too. He’s stolen her thunder basically and not approached this in a supportive way at all.

Get your ducks in a row. Ask work for reduced hours for a short period.. Maybae court would base any SM be paid on a lower wage... Being a cunt isn't just for the able bodied..

WTH is all this “get rid of him”. Honestly, I can’t see the problem - yeah I might have been put out and told him that I wanted to be the one to tell family but come on - it’s not a divorcing matter. It sounds as if he does listen to you OP and is in touch with your side of the family. It doesn’t sound as if it was vindictive in anyway - he just told some people your news.

I can’t see why it matters. There must be more to it for you to resent him this way? But no, he doesn’t seem very supportive.

They’re. Not their.

I don’t think you are unreasonable to want to tell your own family your news. (However you probably should have said you didn’t want anyone to know yet) I’d have forgiven him for mentioning it to his own family under a conversation of @SparklyBrickViper will be out the house much longer on her office days now as she’s moved offices for a promotion.

Id be upset if he showed zero interest yet still wanted to be the one to spread the news.
If he’s so disinterested in you and anything you do, do you even want to be with him?

Id maybe be petty & casually mention I was thinking of moving closer to the new office. & when he says he doesn’t want to move …”it’s ok, you don’t need to come”

Is he quite dismissive of you in general? Is this a final straw situation? As a one off, I’d actually just read him the riot act & forgive. But if it’s part of a bigger picture of poor behaviour to you, consider relationship counselling or divorce.

No love, you're not being unreasonable!

It sounds like you're only with him out of duty and don't really like him.
Him telling your news seems like the tip of the iceberg.

I would've assume he's proud of you, wanted to share the news and didn't realise you'd want to share it yourself. But it sounds like maybe not. Does the promotion come with a big pay rise??